2020.10.02 00:42 ThrowAwayWorkCrushhShould I [F24] ask out my ex-"colleague" [M30?]
I'm [24F] about to graduate from a double law/economics degree, and have been volunteering for the last year or so with a small pro bono legal organisation (mostly helping with promotion and fundraising, I haven't really done any legal work for them). There's a lawyer there (I'm not sure his age but I'd guess about 30) who I haven't worked closely with and have rarely had much of a reason to talk to, but he's always been polite whenever we've chatted in the elevator or whatever. I honestly never thought much about him until recently - he's VERY tall but has kind of a babyface and is kind of soft and out of shape and feminine (I honestly thought he might be gay for awhile). Not my type at all. Anyway, one of the projects I've been working lately is this big gala fundraiser night. We'd originally planned it for April, but COVID happened and restrictions only lifted in the last month or so, so we rescheduled it for this last weekend. It was a huge amount of work and we had to set up social distancing plans and hygeine plans and everything- a total nightmare. Anyway, the night came and went off without a hitch, and raised heaps of money which was great! But also I saw this guy there - I almost didn't recognise him at first! I don't know if he's been working out while working from home or what, but he looked a lot more defined, and had got a haircut and let his stubble grow out and just looked... wow. His suit game was on point (and I have to confess his tailored pants lifted and adjusted things extremely nicely) and I don't know if it was because I was a couple of wines deep but I was just swooning when he came over to chat. I kind of giggled and stumbled my way through a five minute conversation with him, and he congratulated me on getting to the end of my degree (which shocked me because I didn't even think he knew anything about me?) We made chatted about what I'm doing after graduation (I have a grad role with a top-tier firm which is super exciting!), and eventually we got swept up in other conversations and didn't see each other for the rest of the night. The next day on Linkedin he sent me a friend request with the message: "Hi [me], sorry I didn't get a chance to say goodbye last night. Great job with the event - it was an amazing success! All the best after graduation and for life at the firm, I'm sure we'll cross paths again some time." I don't know if I'm reading too much into this, but it seems like maybe he's reaching out for something more? I haven't dated in about a year and am honestly pretty lonely and would be down for something. But I also don't want to be seen as someone who sleeps around at work you know. He's way further along in his career than me and I don't want to be seen as climbing the ladder that way. I worked hard for these degrees and don't want everyone to think I'm that girl! What do you think? I've been driving myself crazy with stress for the last week over this situation! TLDR: slightly older guy at my old "job" turned hot during COVID and I want to ask him out but don't know if it's appropriate.
2020.10.02 00:41 hiddensecret42CPU purchase: long term vs short term investment
Hi, I'm hoping to spark an interesting discussion about hardware purchases, specifically CPUs, and the pros/cons of picking components that will last for a long time vs. swapping parts every so often. I'm aware that most people upgrade their systems on a semi-regular basis, especially gamers who want the best performance possible in order to enjoy the most recent game releases. And while that approach does make sense if your main focus is to own a high-end system, I think there is certainly a place for people like me who are not upgrading as much (apart from smaller components like SSDs or additional RAM) and skip several generations after roughly a decade of frugality. While not an expert (or a PC whisperer for that matter), I have built a few systems during the last few decades (for family, friends and myself) and most of them have been in use about 8-10 years, minor changes only. I still have an old Athlon XP 2100+ that runs just fine after all these years. Modern OS/applications are just too hungry for RAM (and I just started to dive into minimal Linux distros). That PC was everything I had until I got the A10-5800K in 2012 which I'm still using right now with zero regrets. I certainly have performance issues with most recent games, but it's actually surprising what I'm able to play despite not meeting the minimum hardware requirements all the time. It's not always pretty, but solid games are enjoyable despite the lack of 4K ultra HD graphics imho. A few of those PCs I built about 20 years ago are actually still in use (imagine that!) as I found out just this week (I gave them away for free to schools who couldn't afford buying computers), and the "2nd generation" that I built about 10 years ago will be replaced for more up-to-date systems soon. In retrospect, spending about $800-1000 to last for about 10 years seems like a really good long-term investment. To be honest, at this point it seems to become somewhat of a challenge to build and use a system for as long as possible, trying to push the limits of old hardware as it is forced to deal with less and less optimized OS/software as there is no shortage of anything anymore these days. It's wild to think back when storage and RAM used to be valuable resource; programmers had to deal with hard limits and created applications specifically with the mindset that users would not be able to easily upgrade - these days, it's kind of assumed that users will upgrade just to make new applications work. The need to use system resources more sparingly does not exist anymore. Buying hardware to last isn't really a necessity these days so I'm wondering what this community thinks about long-term investments, meaning that you don't just buy whatever makes sense right now, but that you pick components that you consider to perform well for the upcoming 5-10 years. For example, I never think "oh, I'll swap this part in two years anyways" but more like "I need this to work at least 5 years without major issues, might as well spend a bit more - it may be overpowered now but in 10 years it will be still be able to deal with most tasks effortless". Just to clarify, I'm mainly talking about overall performance and the potential of certain hardware to deal with increasing demands. This doesn't mean more expensive parts will always last longer, it's more about estimating future requirements/needs and making decisions based on that, but also taking into account manufacturer's production quality, respectively quality assessment - as well as following developments within the industry, understanding who purchased who and how that impacts their near-future R&D, etc. Understanding supply chains and component quality inside hardware components can tell you quite a bit about the product you are about to purchase. The latter is quite relevant when it comes to motherboards, RAM, power supplies, HDDs and SSDs as it doesn't just impact day-to-day performance but also average operating life. It would be interesting to read about all your experiences/thoughts on this matter :)
2020.10.02 00:40 gogglebutHow should I start a conversation and assess the salvageability of my relationship?
Apologies for the long post. My boyfriend (26) and I (24) have been together for almost 3 years, living together since before we started dating. We've discussed marriage, children, all the big things, and we have the same goals and desires for our long-term future. However, I'm struggling to come to terms with who he is now, as opposed to who he was in the first year of our relationship and who he says he wants to be. "Brandon" has, as long as I've known him, really struggled with adulthood.
He often complains about not having any time to do what he wants to do, but he works a normal 40-hour week and plays 2-5 hours of video games each night.
He sleeps in until noon every weekend and we don't go out and do much (never did, even before current events).
He hates his job, and has hated every job he's had since college, but can't seem to decide what he wants to do instead.
He has depression, anxiety, and insomnia, which I am 100% sympathetic towards, but he does nothing to fix them. I've been suggesting therapy, medication, sleep studies, books, etc., for as long as we've known each other, and he agrees he needs to start doing something to fix these things, but there's always an excuse as to why it's not happening.
He's lied to me a few times about big and small things in the past, which has really affected how I view him and the things he says. I worked really hard to build my trust back up in him, but he continues to lie about small, dumb things like if he cleaned something or if he remembered to call a doctor or whatever.
He isn't a good "adult." I admit I tend to take care of a lot of things for him, like reminding him about doctor appointments and to clean things (we have a weekly chore schedule, but I have to remind him every single time because he doesn't do it on his own), but if I don't tell him to do something, it never gets done. I've tried to stand back and let him fail/suffer from his own consequences so that he learns, but he just doesn't.
He doesn't want to learn from me. I used to clean houses for a living, so I know how to clean things without ruining them, whether its clothes or dishes or furniture or whatever, but he doesn't. I try to show him how to do it (I'm nice and calm, not demeaning or over-reaching), but he just responds with "I know, I know, I know!" when we both know that he doesn't actually know, and he ends up ruining a lot of my things. Nice pots/pans, wine glasses, so so so many clothes, tables, etc. have been casualties of this. His only chores are laundry, dishes (I cook every day), trash, and cleaning the toilet, but I have to re-do a lot of his chores in addition to mine because they're not done well (food/oil still in pans, clothes smell like mildew, stuff like that). I do all the other chores and deep clean once a week, for reference.
Relationship-wise, when we argue, he just sits there and nods his head like I'm scolding him. I've tried everything-- sitting lower than he is so he doesn't feel looked down on, talking slowly and calmly, talking quickly and calmly, texting, writing letters, changing my wording...literally anything I can think of changing, I've tried. He always says I'm "berating" him because we've had the same argument over and over again, but that's because when I bring something up that I have an issue with, nothing comes of it. He doesn't contribute to the conversation, even if I ask him to think of solutions or tell me what would be more helpful. I've asked him what he needs or what will help him or how I can support him, but his answer is always "I don't know, just try different things" and it never goes well because whatever I try is never the "right" thing.
These are just the main things I want to talk with him about, but I want to tell him that I don't feel comfortable continuing to build a life with someone who really just doesn't act like a partner to me. I don't want to feel like a mom to my partner, and I really do think its attractive when a guy can take care of himself without needing his hand held, but I'm not getting that. To make matters worse, we haven't had sex in a few months because I just don't want to be vulnerable with him when I feel so run down. I don't want it to seem like I do all the work in the relationship, but he has a really unhealthy relationship with reality and adulthood and I don't know how to bring it up. How should I sit down and talk with him and tell him that I don't feel comfortable continuing to build a life with him if he can't get his shit together? I don't want to end the relationship at all, and I will not unless there still isn't a change in 6 months, but this feels like an ultimatum and ultimatums are icky IMO. I just don’t want to keep feeling like a pushover when I ask him to change, he doesn’t, and I don’t do anything about it.
2020.10.02 00:38 BugzMirandaUtility bills going to husbands ex wife?
Not sure if this is the appropriate place to post this, but I am truly at a loss for words with this information hiccup. This is weird and involves many location changes, so bare with me. My husband and his ex wife have been divorced officially since July. They met in Florida and moved up to NC before getting married, eventually leading in divorce 10 years later. In the state of NC, you must be legally separated for one whole year before you can be officially divorced. we had been dating for most of that year before we got married last week. We have since moved back to Florida to be close to his family. We get an apartment and utilities set up, and his ex wife who has been living in Pennsylvania since the separation, emails saying she’s getting our utilities bills forwarded to her. She sends pictures and sure enough they are ours. Our city has one electric company, and My husband has never been on a utility Bill with Her. Not even an authorized user on the account. I am very confused as to why this association is now being made and our mail is being sent to her. I called the company and they have no record of her account (as it’s been well over 10 years now that she’s had an account in her name), not to mention his name in association with her. It has happened twice now and it bothers me. Is this an odd glitch or something? Should I be worried about our information being out there?
2020.10.02 00:33 ThrowRAicantfocusMy (21 M) girlfriend (19 F) of 3 years broke my trust and then tried to commit suicide. I can’t focus on anything and I’m feeling all kinds of emotions.
This is going to be a very long read so please stick with me. I can’t put this any other way. Background: My gf and I have been dating for 3 years. We are fairly serious in our relationship and we mean the world to each other. I’ve never met someone like her before. I’ve never shared so much, been so open, and connected with someone like I have with her. We started dating when she was still in high school and I was just starting community college. However, we were able to hang out and be together quite a bit for the last 3 years, I’m talking probably around 4 days straight a week on average. Well, this year I transferred to a university that was 40 minutes away from where we lived. My major is quite intensive so I decided it would be best for me to move into the dorms here instead of driving back and forth. I’ve been in school for about 2 months now while she’s been working a full time early morning job. However, since I’ve been in school I’ve made sure to drive back and spend one night with her a week. Here’s where the problems started: Friday: While I was driving to pick her up she sent me a message saying she was concerned about our relationship and she wanted to talk. We talked for around 5 minutes and she said her parents had said some stuff to her about how people change and how our relationship won’t last since it’s the first serious relationship either of us had. Apparently her parents also we’re young and we don’t really know who we are or who we really want and some other bullshit. After she explained all this to me I quickly calmed her down and we resolved the situation by realizing that it’s our relationship and her parents are just spouting some nonsense. Sunday: morning after I drove back from spending the weekend from her I get a very long text that basically says she feels like she needs a break to figure out some personal stuff. This is fine with me since I know she has been struggling with figuring out what she wants to do with her life career wise and other things. That night we talk on the phone and we agree upon taking a break for a week just to allow her to think. Overall the conversation went well except for something she briefly said and then swept away. The thing she said that concerned me went something like this: “what if we aren’t compatible? Last weekend I wanted to go out and walk around but all you wanted to do was stay inside and relax”. Now this normally would be just a small comment that I would take as her just overreacting and saying random things. But I sensed she was beating around the bush and something else was really going on. However, I was being supportive and was willing to allow her some space to focus on herself for a bit. Monday: morning I get a call from her telling me she doesn’t want to take a break and that she’s just overwhelmed and not sure what’s going on. She told me she felt like she was somewhat on a leash and couldn’t do things. When I asked her what she meant she said something like “well I made a friend at work who is into hiking and he invites me all the time to go with him and another girl but I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable about it”. I told her that she knows I don’t care about what she does as long as she lets me know and isn’t doing anything sketchy (which has always been the common rules we both agreed to). After that the conversation simmered down and I asked her many times if she was sure that she didn’t need space or if there was anything I could help her with. But she insisted that she was good and she didn’t want to take a break. Throughout the day I didn’t really get any communication from her which is fine because I knew she was working until 2pm. However, after 2pm I had a very concerning lack of communication from her. Usually she’s very talkative and texting me about her day and things like that after she gets off. Out of concern for her I text her a few times over the span of 4 hours to no response from her. Around 6pm I finally get a response and all she says is “hi I’m with a friend”. Now me being an understanding bf I’m like ok that’s fine she’s just hanging out with one of her friends cause she’s had some stuff going through her mind. However, it was very unusual with the lack of communication she was giving me and how I didn’t even know she was hanging out with a friend or who that friend was (not that I’m super controlling, she usually just tells me these things herself because we communicate very well in our relationship). Later that night at 9pm I get a text from her that says “I think I unintentionally clicked with someone and I’m feeling really upset about it”. When I read that my stomach dropped and hit the floor. I texted her back immediately asking what she was talking about. No response. I called her. No response. I texted and called her a few more times and again... no response. Finally, at 2am she calls me and I basically had to pry information out of her over a 2 hour long conversation. But this is the story: A guy she has been working with has been pursuing her and has made it well known that he wants to date her. She told him she was in a relationship but he still kept pursuing hecomplimenting he giving her attention. She told me “when he talks to me he makes me feel like the only one in the room that matters”. Well he has had her feeling some type of way for a bit. So, after they get off from work she gets in his car and they drive to the fucking city that I moved to and basically have a date. She said they went and got cupcakes and walked around the city and just talked. She swears nothing sexual happened and that she feels bad about not communicating. Then as she noticed I was upset she started to say she went with him to tell him he had no chance with her and a bunch of other things that I know isn’t true but I want to believe her. At this point I just had so much going through my head but the most prominent thing is I was only worried about her. I knew how much it was destroying her on the inside knowing she upset me. And that hurt me even more. I was so afraid she was going to physical hurt herself. I ended the conversation that night with telling her I needed some tome to think about what happened and I’d get back to her when I decided what I wanted to do. Tuesday: my friends and I head to the city I’m originally from (and where my gf lives) because I just needed a day with the boys and one of them was moving into a new house that day. While I’m out eating with them she starts trying to text me to talk about what happened and I’ll I’m getting from her is that she only went to hangout with a friend, she only thought about me the whole time, and she only talked about me. She was trying to convince me the whole time it was just a friend situation she didn’t clearly communicate with me and that she only wants me. Well I wasn’t buying it and she got very upset and sent me some very concerning messages and finished it off with “Goodbye” I immediately got sick to my stomach and called her repeatedly until she picked up. Then she revealed to me that she swallowed a bunch of pills but threw them up right after. At that point I felt my soul leave my body and I tried my hardest to convince her to meet me at my parents house nearby because I really wanted to talk to her. After some convincing she finally agreed to meet me and I headed over. On my way over I called and told her mom that she had tried to kill herself but she threw up the pills and that I was meeting her at my house to keep an eye on there. When I get there I get in her car and all she was saying was that she can’t live with herself knowing she hurt me and that she’ll never be able to live knowing she ruined what we had. Eventually her ENTIRE family, the police, and EMTs show up to my house and start to take care of her. At this point I was extremely emotional. I’m not exaggerating when I say I haven’t cried in the past decade of my life. But, whenever my dad came up to hug me everything unleashed. It was probably the most emotion I have expressed in my entire life. Then her family came up to me hugging me and reassuring me that none of it was my fault and thanking me for doing something about it. It was obvious she hadn’t told anyone in her family about the situation that had happened in the past couple of days so they were all thinking she just randomly did this. Eventually they haul her off to the ER and I went inside my parents house to tell them about EVERYTHING that happened. Later her mom texted me telling me that my gf was going to be ok, that they were holding her in a suicide watch, and she wanted to see me. When I went to see her it was the most heartbreaking state I’ve ever seen her in. The first thing she said to me was that she wakes up every morning hating herself and wanting to die. That was extremely hard to hear from her... it was so painful for me to think about what she was feeling. Then we went on to talk about what she had done. She was still trying to convince me that it was just a friend and blah blah blah. What I believe is that she had some feelings, handled it poorly, and now she’s so distraught that her mind has convinced itself of the lies she’s telling herself so that she can cope. However, part of me also wants to believe her. While I was talking to her I could tell she didn’t understand our relationship wasn’t the same. I still love her and care so much about her but I can’t look past what she did to me. I had to gradually break it to her that I wanted to take a break until she got better and until I’ve healed. I’m not entirely sure what I really want. But I know that if I fully broke it off it would kill her and I’d be worried constantly. So for now I we decided we were going to fully take a break (not being exclusive to each other) although I know neither of us will be able to move on quickly and she made it very clear that all she’s ever going to want is me. So we ended on the understanding that I would check on her every now and then and that if she ever was in a really dark place again she could break any boundaries with me that she needed to just so she wouldn’t hurt herself. How I feel 2 days after: I can’t focus on anything. I haven’t been able to work or do any school work. I have so many mixed feelings and everything reminds me of her. -I’m angry at what she did and I keep thinking of what a fool I look like knowing she went out on a date with a guy -I’m conflicted because I want to believe that she’s telling the truth and not just saying whatever to get me back -I’m in such pain knowing how dark of a place she’s in and what she’s struggling through -I’m confused if I’m making the right choices. If it’s right for me to distance myself from her even though I know it makes it harder and that I’m hurting her by doing it. But I know I can’t just act like she didn’t break my trust. What I’m doing: I’ve just been trying to distract myself by watching movies/Videos, playing video games, and exercising. But unless I’m constantly distracted, my mind goes right back and my feelings overwhelm me. I’ve set up an appointment with a school counselor to see if they can help me get through this and get back on track with school and work. I’m just so lost.
2020.10.02 00:33 Sea_Kaleidoscope_436My best friend/roommate (28F) treats me (26F) like a backup partner when not in a relationship and I am unsure how to address this with her.
This is a weird situation and I am unsure how to address this with her without making it weird. I have known my roommate for 7 years and we have been living together for 5. When I first met her she was dating Drake. That when on for 2 years, and then they broke up because Drake cheated on her with one of his coworkers. That evening she hooked up with our friend Ben, and somehow that became a relationship. 2 years of dating Ben, they break up and she starts seriously dating Josh less than 2 weeks later. A year passes, another breakup, 1 week later there was a new guy and so on and so forth. Rinse, wash, repeat. Long story short, I have never seen my friend without a relationship for more than 2 weeks. Until the pandemic that is. She's been without a partner since February, which according to her dating history (I consulted both of her step-siblings who have grown up with her since middle school) is the longest she's been without a partner since she was 15 years old. And as weird as it is to say, I feel like I have been given the role of the replacement boyfriend/partner. I am introverted by nature, but she has taken up the habit of barging into my room to ask me if I want to hang out with her. If I spend the day with other friends, she will info dump me on everything that happened to her throughout the day the second I walk home. Her text messages to me have increased by tenfold. I've mentioned how I want to take a solo vacation once everything calms down and she got upset asking how I could leave her like that at home (note: she once left me for a month to go oversees and I was perfectly fine). When she was in her last relationship, I mentioned how in a few years I want to move out of state by myself, and she was super supportive. She's frequently made plans with previous long term partners about moving to different states and leaving me behind, without issue on either of our parts. I mentioned the same goal the other night over dinner, and she immediately said that she would move with me as "anything is better than here." She just invited herself. I pointed out that I did want to live alone at some point, and she began a lecture about how living alone is so wasteful money wise and how we should just live together. This was to the degree that she said I should just live with her if/when she gets married, so we can be together forever. I was so confused, I didn't even say anything. Looking back, I realized that she has a pattern of doing this to me. During the last three lulls between boyfriends, this type of behavior towards me would spike and then die a day or so after her first date with the new guy. Part of me is worried that due to always being with someone for the past 13 years, my friend legitimately doesn't know how to be alone, and uses me as a replacement "partner" when there is no one else around. I feel clung to and I am not really sure on the language I should use to approach this issue. How do I tell my friend she's using me as a replacement "partner" and that I am uncomfortable with it? I don't want to hurt her but I am seriously getting worried. And yes before anyone asks, she is attending therapy; however, that's for other reasons I do not feel comfortable sharing here.
Sub PTrackAPT() Set myOutlook = CreateObject("Outlook.Application") r = 8 Do Until Trim(Cells(r, 1).Value) = "" Set myApt = myOutlook.createitem(1) myApt.Subject = Cells(r, 2).Value & " - " & Cells(r, 1) & " - " & Range("$B$1").Value myApt.Location = Cells(r, 5).Value myApt.Start = Cells(r, 3).Value myApt.Duration = Cells(r, 6).Value myApt.BusyStatus = Cells(r, 7).Value If Cells(r, 8).Value > 0 Then myApt.ReminderSet = True myApt.ReminderMinutesBeforeStart = Cells(r, 6).Value Else myApt.ReminderSet = False End If myApt.Body = Cells(r, 2).Value & " - " & Cells(r, 1) & " - " & Range("$B$1").Value myApt.Save r = r + 1 Loop End Sub
What the macro does, is builds an appointment in my calendar at Midnight on the dates in column 3. My issue, is that my project plan evolves as time moves on, so dates will change. It's a(n albeit quick and easy) manual process to remove appointments that are now null. I'm wondering if there is a way to create a sub on the worksheet tab when the value of any dates in column 3 change, which would scan Outlook for an appointment occurring on the EXPIRING date (the Body/Subject/etc. don't change, only the date, which is why I think this might be possible), and remove it? So for example, if row 14 went from 19-Nov to 20-Nov, Excel would scan 19-Nov at Midnight (generic time stamp) in my Outlook appointments for the appointment titled "Meet to adjust timeline based on broker response - IO / PM / A - System Onboarding" and delete it. Any thoughts?
2020.10.02 00:33 LegendTinsleyI have no idea why my friend's PC is stuttering in most games. Any ideas?
Hi, I like to think I'm pretty knowledgeable about these issues and yet, I'm stumped. My friend has a PC made from parts he bought and that I have sold him. He's had it for nearly a year and never used it because, while his FPS is high in a game, his system stutters constantly. He runs games like CSGO and GMOD fine, I'm guessing because they are less CPU intensive, but is mauled in Fortnite and GTA, and COD even at lowest settings. Again, his fps will be 90-200 in a given game, then microstutters while moving the camera. I've had him run countless stability/bench tests : Aida64, Heaven bench, Valley Bench, and UserBench. He's had no issue in those and his highest temperature was 74C. I really feel like I've covered very base too. His power settings are correct (including cpu power settings) His RAM is performing correctly His GPU drivers are up to date and performing fine Here's his UserBench result's too: https://www.userbenchmark.com/UserRun/33647011 Do you have any other ideas or interpretations of his benchmark?
2020.10.02 00:31 throwitawaydollMy (f31) old flame (m34) has re-entered my life and is messing with my head and heart.
Throwaway account because obvious reasons. I need to get objective points of view about an old flame that has suddenly re-appeared in my life. Before he (we'll call him Sam) came back into my life, I (31f) was happily in love and in a relationship with a relationship with someone (we'll call him Arthur). A few things about the background are important to mention: - Sam and I have known each other since high school. We always talked and flirted, but things never took off properly. I had a highschool boyfriend who I was with for 8 years (until I was 24), and the reason we broke up was because he saw I was inappropriately sexting and talking to Sam in my texts. We broke up and I quickly slept with Sam. Sam had a girlfriend he had no intentions of leaving at the time. - After highschool boyfriend and I broke up, I went wild and started dating like crazy. Arthur was the first guy I went on an actual date with, and we began seeing each other NON-EXCLUSIVELY. I didn't want to be responsible for any more broken hearts, but also knew I'd drop everything and run to Sam if he came around. - Sam and I hooked up a few times over the years (when we were both single at that point). It was only ever sexual for him, but it was ALWAYS emotional for me. He's Jewish, as am I, and while I don't practice regularly, its always been important to me to try to marry someone Jewish, and Sam always felt like he'd be the one to me...despite the fact he only wanted to bang, never wanted love. -I finally gained a backbone and courage to finally cut Sam out of my life and told him that our stupid love affair was over, that I wasn't going to play the game anymore. Sam constantly tried to apologize, make up for his mistakes, but I held my ground...for a solid 4 years. -Arthur and I became closer, our love grew and we ended up becoming exclusive a few years ago. All together, we've been dating for 7 years. We now live together and have a beautiful puppy girl, and we're very much in love. Arthur is not Jewish, I don't know if we'll ever get married. It's never been a priority to me. That brings us to where the communication picked back up. Sam would email me, try to reach out over the years, but I never responded. He never stopped. A few months ago, he reached out again via email explaining that he was living on the other side of the country and had just broken up with a long-term girlfriend and just needed someone to talk to. He's been in various relationships over the years, as well, but for whatever reason this break-up spiked something in my head and I responded.I have not told him that I have a boyfriend, that I'm seeing anyone, or that I'd ever date him. But the conversations with Sam started to get dirty recently, and while I don't send pictures of myself anymore, he's constantly asking to see me and wants me to fly out and visit him. I have stood my ground and have said many times I'm not going down this road again if all you plan on doing is disrespecting my mind and my body. Sam is insisting that he's changed, and just based on the "normal" conversations we've had, he seems like a better man. I can't stop thinking about Sam and it's driving me crazy. We don't text each other all day every day, so my heart definitely skips a beat when I see his name on my phone's screen. He makes me laugh, he is listening to my personal problems and giving thoughtful advice...and just acting like a gentleman. So Arthur has no idea any of this is going on. He knows about Sam from my history and thinks he's a scumbag who doesn't deserve my attention let alone a spot in my inbox (he thinks I blocked him but I just can't do it). Arthur is a wonderful person, I am SO grateful to have him as my partner and my lover. I really wouldn't want to be with anyone else... But what if Sam becomes available and moves back home? I hate playing the what-if game, it's just bullshit. But I can't stop my heart from thinking about him...and now I'm thinking about Sam when I should be thinking about Arthur (if you catch my drift). I don't want to start self-deprecating myself and begin a self-hate spiral...so please don't tell me that I'm a horrible person. I know that I am for doing this to myself. What should I do?
2020.10.02 00:30 abhiram222PhD Program by Andrew Tate (Best Quality)
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Here's some more conflicting information for everyone to digest :). Fingers crossed this is accurate. CS Rep: Thank you for contacting CDW Customer Relations Chat! My name is xxx, how can I help you today? 2:21:52 PM : 📷Me: Hi 2:22:02 PM : 📷Me: I wanted to check in on my most recent order 2:22:18 PM : 📷Me: I got an email with an expected ship date of 10/2 but in my account center I don't see that information 2:22:25 PM : 📷CS Rep: What is your order number? 2:22:27 PM : 📷Me: Just wanted to see if I could get some clarification 2:22:32 PM : 📷Me: order number 2:23:34 PM : 📷CS Rep: Estimated ship date reflects for 10/12 2:24:06 PM : 📷Me: Thank you 2:24:41 PM : 📷CS Rep: You're welcome. Please contact us if you need any further assistance. 2:24:47 PM : 📷Me: What time would you suggest I follow up to see if that is still the expected date? I have an employee waiting for this card so a bit anxious right now 2:25:14 PM : 📷Me: I recommend following up by end of next week. 2:25:33 PM : 📷Me: Great 2:25:37 PM : 📷Me: Thanks xxx, appreciate it
Hi. So me and my boyfriend live 3 states down from each other, and I have been planning to go see him ever since we started dating. And, tomorrow is his birthday!! So I wanna surprise him by going down there. But the problem is.. ion have the money. So, here's my paypall. And if you dont wanna donate thas fine. c:
2020.10.02 00:26 EpicVioletArrowsRe: A new plan for help
From: Gina Gurney [email protected] Date: Tue, Sep 29, 2020 at 11:19 AM Subject: Re: A new plan for help To: Mark Lavorato [email protected] Hi Mark I agree to your new plan. I have one request of you though. Could you please connect with us once a month to let us know that you are still in the same place to receive the western union transfer and to let us know how you are doing? I’ve just sent a transfer. The MTCN is: 4924277956 I love you G _____ From: Mark Lavorato [email protected] Date: 1 October 2020 Subject: Re: A new plan for help To: Joe Lavorato [email protected], Auntie Barb [email protected], Curt & Tammy Saunders [email protected], Chiara Gurney [email protected], [email protected], Peter Lavorato [email protected], Gina Gurney [email protected], Mark Lavorato [email protected], Mark Lavorato [email protected], Corrigan Gurney [email protected] A note to my extended family: Please ensure that the email below is forwarded to: Joe & Lorna Lavorato; Gina & Raymond Huppee, Corrigan & Chiara Gurney; Peter & Laurie Lavorato; Michael & Lucas Lavorato; Doug & Barbara Saunders; Curtis & Tammy Saunders; Jill & Greg Walkie; Lou & Judy Lavorato; David & Joey Lavorato; Piero & Leila Lavorato; and Aaron & Logan Lavorato; it has also been published online at: bit.ly/JournalistsIHaveContactedWithThisClaim. This letter (bit.ly/ReANewPlanForHelp) has also been shared across the following seven social-media platforms: Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, Reddit, Tumblr, and LiveJournal, at:
Dear Gina, I am ecstatic that you have agreed to this new plan. And I want to thank you, so much, for being open to it. The reason I’m writing you today, however, is that, sadly, that same inexplicable computer glitch has reared its ugly head again in your latest Western Union transfer, MTCN: 4924277956. Meaning, I’m afraid that I need you to, again, cancel it, and send me another one in its place. I also want you to know that I find your request to hear from me once a month — in order to be updated on where I am and how I’m doing — absolutely reasonable. Therefore, as today is 1 October 2020, I thought I would honor my side of the bargain by filling you in on how things are going for me right now. So, let me tell you about my day yesterday, and what it was like while I tried to receive this latest, glitchy, Western Union money transfer. First, unfortunately, I woke up with a piercing headache. I have been suffering from the worst migraine headaches that I’ve ever had in my life, which has me going through that expensive medication, Eletriptan, like it’s aspirin. And, as I just ran out of it again — and don’t have the money to buy any more of it quite yet — I had to take several acetaminophens and ibuprofens, just to groggily get through the day. I had gone to bed relatively late the night before, having stayed up to watch the first presidential debate; which, let’s be honest, was neither presidential, nor, really, a debate. What it was, in my opinion, was a shitshow. One that gives me a new kind of headache just thinking about it. Anyway, as I was saying, I got out of bed with my hand on my head, downed some painkillers, and took a, sort of, half shower. (The water pipes in my neighborhood froze again, so I’ve been cooking, washing, and cleaning out of plastic bottles of water. Which, as it turns out, is actually a good thing, because the sewage blockage beneath the street out front still hasn’t been fixed, so, the less water that’s introduced into the pipes beneath my apartment, the lower the chances of raw sewage overflowing through the yard in front of my door.) But, I was super excited to go outside to receive your Western Union transfer, to buy more migraine medication, as well as some badly needed food. (I’m down to just a cup of black beans, some herbal tea, a half-bag of sugar, vinegar, and salt). So, I headed out into the gusty wind, which was freezing, as there had been a dusting of snow earlier in morning, and I made my way to the very closest Western Union branch that I could find. (As an aside, do you remember, Gina, how, about a year ago, you spent an entire day, trying countless different ways to send me resources, but, for some reason, insurmountable technical difficulties kept flaring up in front of you, every different way that you tried? Well, that’s exactly what it’s like for me, every single solitary time that I ever attempt to receive resources. And, yesterday was no exception.) In the first branch that I entered, I learned that, moments before I had arrived, the power in the entire city had suddenly gone out. Such an event has only happened once before, throughout my entire time here in Río Gallegos; strangely, at another moment when my personal safety depended entirely on the stability of the electrical grid. Anyway, hoping that the outage wouldn’t last long, I continued on to another branch, but, by the time I got there, the electricity still hadn’t come back on. So, I decided to admit defeat, and head back home. Along the way, I went into a butcher’s shop, to ask for the trimmings of fat that they throw away to the dogs, which I’ve been reducing in a frying pan and cooking with, in order to get a few more calories into my body to stay warm in the cold. But, before I could beg from the butcher, I suddenly noticed that all the lights in his shop were on! The city’s electrical grid was back online! So I turned around, and headed straight back out, to that first Western Union branch that I had been to earlier, and their newly booted-up system. But, before they even entered the MTCN code, they asked how much the transfer was for. When I told them, they said that, regrettably, they wouldn’t have enough Argentinian pesos to complete a transfer of $500-CAD. So, disappointed, I took out the last twenty cents that I had to my name, and paid for a photocopy of my passport, which is required to receive a money transfer from any Western Union, in the hopes that the next branch would have sufficient cash to make the transaction. I then made my way to the second Western Union branch I had been to during the blackout. Only to find that, they too, simply wouldn’t have the funds available to complete the transfer. Which found me back outside in the cold, where I decided to slog my way through the wind, all the way to the city center, where, I knew, there was an extremely busy branch that was certain to have enough money in their till. And I was right; they did. After walking about a half an hour, providing them that photocopy with the MTCN code on it, showing my physical passport, and signing to accept the transfer, and just as I was about to have your direly needed cash in my hand, suddenly, that mysterious error code popped up as an alert on their screen again. It seemed that, at the last second, your transfer had, once more, been flagged as potentially dubious. The teller called a Western Union representative, and told me that, again, the only way that I would be able to receive the transfer, would be to enter into a separate system of arbitration, in which I would need to prove that you, Gina Huppee, are not, in fact, a corrupt oligarch attempting to launder your money by sending it oversees. I was advised, again, to have you simply cancel the transaction, and resend me another one. And so, frustrated, in pain, and completely exhausted, I put my hood on, and trudged home through the freezing wind, where I eventually cooked what little food I had left while holding a hand against my aching head. Now, as I said, these strange technical hurdles, they are a constantpart of my everyday existence. Which is why I diligently document them. So far, I have documented over 400 such instances, and have posted every one of them online, here: bit.ly/EvidenceOfTheAntichrist. Now, I understand that you, Ma, Papa, as well as our entire extended family, dismiss me as a valueless quack. I assure you, however, that one day, many, many people will believe me. And when they do, when I am finally offered sanctuary, when I am finally stood before an audience that is actually curious about my message, I promise you, that everything in our world will change. Forever. Anyway, all of this is to say that, obviously, the sooner that you can cancel that corrupted Western Union transfer MTCN: 4924277956, and send me a new one in its place, the better. I could really use some migraine medication, as well as some food right now. Once again, I thank you so much for agreeing to this new plan, Gina. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it. In the end, let it be known, you are a good sister. Please give my love to the kids, Ma, and Papá for me, will you? And, thank you again. Mark
2020.10.02 00:21 FragrantCheesestickI think I made my decision but how might you proceed? Would love to hear and outsider’s perspective.
*sorry for typos/grammar errors I missed The gist: Dated for two years plus one “long distance/work on ourselves/not officially date/yet still communicating/prove you can hold a job and plan a future” year. I (F21) was his (M21) first real relationship. Upon moving from dorms to rentals, he quit his job without notice twice and his grandpa and I ended up covering his rent. I wanted to because I loved him, entrusted he would pay me back and was just fucking scared for him. His parents don’t provide for him (same in my case) so relationship wise, I was the next person he could ask for help. However now, he stills owes me a few hundred. He also does not track the sum and when he would gift me $ for lunch/coffee, he would make it a part of the amount he owes me (which I would not have spent on myself in that way had I known he would do so). In other words, I wound up going through our venmo transactions twice to track amounts he sent me over the phone him (I now have a note of it in my phone). (I encouraged him in so many ways to save money. The day rent was due he assured he had enough about $800, and then saw that he only had $8...I’ll never forget that. I’ve worked since I was 16, have a hard work ethic, and pay for everything myself except for car insurance and phone date (thanks mom!❤️). Anddd I’ve been working for the same company throughout high school and college). Those issues and moving from our college town allowed me to express to him my concerns for our relationship: financial stability and for lack of better phrase, his ability to act like an adult. *True embarrassing story: He’s not the best with hygiene. During job #2 he unknowingly got ringworm-BAD. At its largest, was like a 12 in x 3in scab on his abdomen. I told him several times to fix it (research, ask mom, see doctor). I bought him ointment which didn’t help and I had to sit him down to tell him it was ringworm. It was on several places on his body. Which then spread onto me after trying to be extremely careful. The most uncomfortable part: I had to be the one to say no to sex, to say we should sleep separately etc. basically act like his mom. The past year, he stayed with a close family member on the couch and now lives in the garage of in the home of his parent and siblings. Important background information: We suffered a traumatic experience 5 months into dating and only had each other and friends who also went through it, to grieve and “process” with. It was terrible and it affects me still everyday and I know it’s the same for him too. I think that to help cope, we formed a bad psychological bond. I haven’t mentioned this to him specifically because I don’t want to emotionally make the situation worse. Now: Since then, he got a fast food job and did the same thing: for a total of three times he quit without notice. He has a new job that over three months he can earn benefits with. He goes to 99% of his shifts but is typically late with clocking on and breaks. (So he was jobless for several months and got this one through his sister). It’s been a year or so since the “break” and I think I just do not see a future for us. I’m in school working on my degree and he has shown no ambition in regards to his or my future. I want to have a family once I get settled into my profession and I’ve told him about the importance of planning for our future and hasn’t proved it to me at all. He gets “I know, I know” when I bring it up so he acknowledges I’m right but just doesn’t try. I feel like I’m his parent and since much hasn’t changed, I decided that’s not the type of relationship I’m interested in. I’ve expressed to him the type of partner I desire (financially stable, ambitious, similar passion for continuing education, equal partnership) and he’s expressed back that he is that person...but it’s been a year and nothing’s changed. Is there any reason why I should give him another chance? My coworker whom I wholeheartedly respect, told me I should move on. She is one of the most gentle and hard working individuals I’ve had the pleasure of knowing and she said aloud what I’ve been thinking. We’ve just gone through so much together that I’m scared for his future. Ideally we’ll still be friends. I may need to include more information upon reading responses. I will try to copy it *here for reference. TIA
2020.10.02 00:20 look2understand45Need a perspective or 30 from some aces!
Hi all, I have some questions which may be would be beneficial to get some different perspectives on. For the last 9 months I have been dating a guy who was until February voluntarily celibate and unsure whether he is demi-sexual, asexual or what. He's had attractions to both men and women before and it seems like he's attracted to me at least to some extent. We had a somewhat unusual courtship. We've been acquaintances for several years in a group of friends that is a loosely defined polyamorous family group. At a friend's wedding in January we all did MDMA together (it wasn't the first time for any of us) and at this party my dude and I made out for a significant period of time. I asked permission first before kissing him and it didn't get much beyond that, but it was lovely so I decided to ask him out. He said yes and we started dating in February. We make out often and are affectionate with each other, we usually see each other at least once a week and things are generally good between us. Lockdown was tough but we texted through it. We've had a few minor issues, but dealt with them better than any other relationship I've ever had. In the beginning of the relationship he said that he doesn't like to take the initiative to plan things or to move things farther, so in the beginning I was doing much of the planning and chasing. After several months of doing that I felt like we should share that initiative taking, and while I still do the majority of date scheduling. Sex however seems like a topic he's not particularly comfortable with talking about and something he says he's still evolving on. In the last 9 months we've made out a ton, every once in awhile he feels so moved to take it a bit further and offers to go down on me (which I enjoy but have made clear it's not expected of him). Once he did enjoy me giving him a blow job. Told me it was incredible and that he very much enjoyed it. Through all of this and knowing he wasn't quite sure where on the spectrum of sexuality he was I've taken a backseat in regards to initiative in that realm because I don't want to make him feel like he has to, and I don't want to feel like he feels coerced in anyway. By this I mean that while I'll kiss him briefly or cuddle watching a movie (he also enjoys taking showers with me and making out in the shower), I will only follow his lead. So if we're sitting and we kiss, I will only continue as long as he does. He can pull me onto his lap and undress me if he feels like he wants to, but I'm not going to jump on top of him or take my top off unprompted. I sort of feel like a doll saying that, but I'm making a conscious choice to not make things go any farther than he is comfortable with. My perception of the situation is this: According to his close friend of 2 decades who approached me about the issue unprompted - he doesn't have much romantic experience and the few encounters he's had were very brief and ended badly for him. I am the longest relationship he's ever had at age 30. He previously had a very strong libido - but the series of bad flings left him feeling badly about himself and unwilling to try or put himself out there. I've noticed a strong desire from him at times, but hearing laughter from another room (he lives in a group house) or any slight thing can get him out of the mental state of being desirous. I've slept over at his place a few times and we've been to my place a few times. Once we were at my place and as I was cooking dinner he reached in his jacket pocket and some condoms fell out while we were chatting. I ignored seeing it happen because he seemed a bit embarrassed by it. I continued cooking dinner and chatting and we decided to watch a movie and then take a shower together. Afterwards we made out for at least an hour or two, but he left in a hurry around midnight (it was a friday night and he was welcome to sleep over). It seems like sometimes he's very interested but nervous. This could be asexuality, he doesn't seem to get erections often or for long - but he also smokes a ton of weed and I've seen studies of that contributing or causing some times of ED while high (which he typically is if we're just casually hanging out). But he also initiates making out typically, and even is the one escalating things when he feels like it. I'll be honest, I'm a very sexual person typically. And while I am poly amorous and bisexual (I have two other partners whom he is friends with and all of that is perfectly fine), I do really feel a strong sexual desire for him specifically which sometimes after making out for literal hours is somewhat physically and emotionally wrenching. It's not that I'm reading it as a rejection - it's just I feel like a rev'ed up engine at the starting line to be turned off abruptly. But also I don't want him to stop that, so it would be to some extent against my interests and desire express that feeling in the hopes some day he feels like he wants to take things further. I don't know how to read this situation and may be you lovely Aces can give me a different perspective.
2020.10.02 00:19 throwawayy100120I (24F) have recently started having panic attacks about being with my boyfriend (25M) and I have no idea why
Throwaway account because my boyfriend also actively uses Reddit. Tl;dr at the end, since I expect this to be a bit long. I (24F) have been dating my boyfriend (25M) for over a year (today actually marks officially one year, but we were dating for almost 2 months before we made it official), and he is sincerely the kindest, most caring, understanding, loving, communicative, respectful, thoughtful, every-good-adjective-you-can-imagine, man. He is truly the type of man I have been waiting for and holding out for my entire life, especially having gone through relationships with men who obviously didn't care about me as much as I cared about them. Yet, I still wanted to stay and try to make it work, as I am much happier in a relationship, and the one thing I know I want to do in life is to be married and have kids one day. Throughout our time dating, we have never had trust or communication issues - in fact, I have never openly communicated so much with anyone I've ever met in my life, whether it be friends, family, or boyfriends. The few fights we have had so far, we never have even raised or voices, resorted to name calling, or anything of that sort. We communicate and sort it out within a few hours at most, and we feel stronger after we do. Anything and everything we do/did together felt fun, even if it was just lying on the couch watching old seasons of The Amazing Race. I have never once had a single doubt about the strength and stability of our relationship, and my friends and family will tell you that my favorite thing to do was to talk about him, what we were up to, what we were going to do, just anything as long as I could talk about HIM. I treasured every moment, taking pictures and videos of even the most mundane activities. We talked future plans (we started living together full time during quarantine, but we were officially going to move in together when our leases were up this summer) like marriage and children, and those topics of conversation always made me feel almost giddy with happiness. I always wrote in my diary how I just couldn't believe I had found the perfect man for me and that I was so relieved that the relationship part of my life was figured out, so I could just stress out about work. I feel truly comfortable and safe with him, and we are always on the same page about everything. None of our decisions felt rushed, and we felt like a team that could get through anything. Where these anxiety/panic attacks start is: we decided to take a trip to the coast for my birthday last week, as well as our anniversary (since they're only a week apart). It was going to be our first time getting out of the city we lived in in 6 or 7 months, due to Covid (we had a vacation to Europe planned that we had to cancel, too). Everything was fine on the drive there, as well as during the day when we were doing activities, but once we got to the Airbnb and it was nighttime, I was laying on him, and I let one thought enter my head: Do I actually love him? And I immediately thought, wow, I can't believe I just let myself think that, why did I think that? I had never ever questioned my love for him before, and I was like yeah, of course I love this man. The next morning, I woke up, and my first thought was still on my bad thought of the night before, but I was was shocked at myself for even thinking that. The day proceeded normally, but I still felt guilty for having even thought that I didn't love him. When night hit again, the thought came back full force, and I started having anxiety that maybe I wasn't with the right man, maybe I actually can't be with him forever. However, after a few drinks, those thoughts left my head, and I was affectionate as usual with him that night before falling asleep. The next day was my birthday, so I was happy about that, but when we went horseback riding (a gift he got for my bday), there were a few other couples there, and I kept looking at them, thinking: have you guys ever gone through something like this? How do you KNOW when you love a person? And being jealous that they probably weren't going through the same thoughts as I was. After the horses, we drove 5hrs to visit and spend the weekend with his brother. That's where my first (I would say) panic attack happened. I started having extreme anxiety again that I wasn't with the right man, and it got so bad that I felt like I needed to just open the car door and roll out in order to not be next to him. Once we got there, we drank again with his brother and his brother's gf, and under the influence, I felt totally normal again - affectionate and loving towards my bf. However, the next morning, I told my bf everything I had been feeling, as, like I said before, we are very open and communicative with each other, and I had started feeling guilt that I wasn't letting him in on my terrible feelings. He was so understanding and supportive, which honestly made me feel worse. How could I be feeling like I needed to leave this man when all he's ever done for me is be loving and caring and supportive? Later that weekend (the whole weekend I had been trying to figure out why I felt this way all of a sudden), we were all watching a movie together at night, when I had a full-fledged panic attack. I started feeling like I was with the wrong man, that I needed to break up with him and just run away, so I left the living room and went to the bathroom, where I got all cold, started hyperventilating, and couldn't stop my terrible thoughts. My bf was there to support me through it all, even though I kept saying "I feel like I need to break up with you, even though I know that's not what I want." Of course, I could tell he was so extremely hurt. We had never had any issues before and now I blindside him like this? This is getting long, so I'll try to be as concise as possible. We drive back to the city we live in, and I thought getting back to a familiar setting would negate these feelings, but they didn't. He helps me look for a therapist that specializes in anxiety and relationship problems bc I tell him I want to get back to normal, and I NEED to stop these feelings of wanting to break up with you. I find someone to talk to the next day and don't get many answers, as the first visit was more so about background info and trying to manage anxiety symptoms (I have another appt lined up for next week). I have not had an anxiety attack since we got back from our trip, though I still have anxiety/bad feelings whenever I think about our future, when before, those thoughts gave me so much happiness. I still miss him when he is not around (when he's at work), but when I think about seeing him again in person, I get those anxious feelings again. I refuse to believe that I actually want to break up with him, since I know that I will be letting go of the best thing that's ever happened to me. I truly do hope that this is just an anxiety disorder of some sort that I've never experienced before. However, I've never ever had a history of any sort of mental illness (I've always thought I was "strong" enough to get through anything - NOT saying that anyone with mental illness is weak). I got through an eating disorder on my own, I have gone through several accounts of sexual assault that I have worked through, etc. That's why I'm afraid that this isn't anxiety run amuck, it's my body or soul (or whatever) telling me that this is not the man for me. Even though he has ALWAYS treated me well and respectfully, and I saw no reason why I shouldn't be with him before we went on the trip. Every time I think about how much he loves me and how much I am hurting him by thinking these thoughts, it pains me to my core. I would give all the money in the world and even a limb or two to feel normal again. I have been crying every day, I am physically and emotionally exhausted even though I've gotten 8-9hrs of sleep every night, and I am just desperate for advice/help. When the anxiety/bad thoughts hit, I feel like I don't even want to live anymore (disclaimer - I have not had any serious suicidal thoughts, but this is the most I've thought about not living ever). I want to quit my job, move away, etc. I feel like I am self-sabotaging the greatest thing I'll ever have. No man has ever loved me and treated me as well as he has. Even the men who I obviously could tell didn't even really love me, I still fought for our relationship, so why am I fighting MYSELF to stay in this relationship?? Please I am asking for advice, and I NEVER post or even comment on Reddit. I thought by posting I could ask for advice, since I have to wait another week for my next therapy appt. I am desperate. I do NOT want to lose this man. Thank you so much! Tl;dr Bf and I have had a wonderful, loving, caring, respectful, supportive, and stable relationship for over a year. On a trip to the coast last week, I start having massive worries/anxiety about being with him, to the point where I have an anxiety attack. Is it unchecked anxiety or is it my body telling me to leave him when I really don't want to lose him?
2020.10.02 00:17 stingadingding17Struggling with sadness and faith
Hi, I was wondering if any of the rest of you really struggle with your mental well being due to your penis size and it’s residual effects. I am not one who ever desired to be a player, but all I have ever wanted was love and companionship and have not had a single long term relationship because as soon as it progresses towards sex and intimacy everything falls apart. Either I am unable to initiate due to insecurity or they reject me due to my size. I have had sex with one person ever and even then it was only a few times. Now that I am in my 20s I really struggle thinking about all the experiences I missed out on in my younger days. I also fear for my ability to get married and have kids as I have wanted to my whole life. I just don’t understand why this world is so unfair and so many crappy people end up with big dicks getting girls easily and dropping them just as fast. I truly strive to be a genuinely good person in all aspects of life and consider myself to be a kind, caring, giving person (not to toot my own horn) but that has never mattered in the dating world. Lately too I have been struggling with my religion. This may sound shallow but I look myself in the mirror and I can’t understand why God would make me this way or what I did to deserve this. I am so blessed in all other aspects of my life but my penis size has always been a barrier to true happiness. It has been a defining factor in my life since I hit puberty and I have hated myself and been disgusted by myself since I was a preteen because of it. I’m just wondering if anyone else has struggled with similar thoughts or feelings and how you recommend dealing with it. I feel like I am getting to be in a worse and worse mental space each and every day because of this and could really use some advice. Thanks in advance for your help.
2020.10.02 00:17 agrutt1591Baby Poly struggling to shake off some ol' mono habits.
Hi All, First time posting here, tbh I tend to lurk mostly. I guess looking for some advice/thoughts on how to work through some of the mono practices and ideals that are pushed from quite an early age. My apologies, this is a longer post. ----- My current situation: I (24F) am dating a wonderful partner (27M) who has two other partners. Once the world is open/corona free, I want to pursue other partners as well. Beginning the above mentioned relationship, I realized how much I click with the poly philosophy. It felt like a lightbulb turned on doing my research and learning from those on this sub. I love all of those I love differently and don't see those loves as competing, just different. My issue: My current relationship is about 9 months old so we really aren't at this point yet, but as I've been doing much self reflection..I keep finding myself longing for the marriage/settling down with one partner idea. It feels weird to be vocalizing this because I know I'm technically still young, but I've been doing so much inner work on myself to know what I want/ what i'm looking for. As silly as it sounds I know I want things to be serious either with my current or another partner sooner rather than later. Is this normal? i know some poly individuals do get married, to one or multiple partners, but its hard to research anything regarding marriage & polyamory. Am I wrong for still wanting a wedding/a stereotypical long term dating end game? How does one even work serious topics into conversations with your partners? I guess I just need advice from married/partially married/thought about it poly friends on what your journey was/important conversations to have with yourself/your partners.
2020.10.02 00:13 QuantityImpossible58My (16F) friend (16F) kissed my ex (15M) and didn't tell me until now. She made it seem that they were just friends. What should I do? Am I in the wrong for being upset at her?
I just found this out today, I'm so confused on what to do... I (16 F) am friends with someone (16F), and I've known her for a while. For the sake of the story, let's call her Lisa (not her real name). 11 months ago, I was broken up with by my ex (15M). Let's call him A. A and I had a very turbulent relationship. Often, he would do things to purposefully make me nervous, touch me inappropriately without my consent in front of other people, joke about leaving me for mutual female friends, etc. This eventually made me act out from anxiety and panic, making me very worried over very simple things. Needless to say, I was deeply hurt by dating him. I feel hopeless that I'll ever find love again. Lisa knew this, and helped me cope. Honestly, she was a rock for me in that time. After our split, Lisa and A became friends. Being sore from the relationship (I still am, it was fairly recent and I see him every day at school) I was wary, but was okay with them being friends. After all, it wasn't my place to control Lisa, she has every right to make her own friends. She acknowledged that I was hurt by him, saying she felt bad for being his friend, but I told her it was okay. Fast forward a few months, Lisa tells me that A tried to cuddle her without her permission when she came over. I told her his behavior wasn't okay, advised her to stay distant because that's not what good friends do, and from what I thought I had the notion they weren't friends anymore. Well, I was wrong. I not only find out that Lisa is still friends with him, but that she's convinced her bf to have an open relationship because she likes someone else. I thought this was weird, I was nervous that they were friends because of the fact that I thought he was being creepy, but whatever. You do you I guess. She didn't give this mysterious crush a name, by the way. Well, surprise surprise, I found out who this boy was: A. It was A. She didn't even tell me at first, we just talked about her relationship with her boyfriend and I guessed it was A. She kept this from me for months, saying she "didn't want to hurt my feelings." Not only that, she wanted to leave her boyfriend for him to have a casual relationship, but wanted my relationship. I told her it's none of my business, but I needed to process this information. The cherry on top was that when I called her to tell her how I felt, she said she kissed him. She was clearly distraught, but I told her how wrong what she did was regardless. Yeah, my friend, who I've known for years and who I thought wouldn't ever hurt me kissed the guy who made me believe I could never be happy in love. Needless to say, I'm upset. I've asked for space, blocked her, and now I'm not planning on talking to her. She went behind my back, betraying my trust for some guy who hurt me. However, I feel really awful at the same time, because you can't control your feelings and I'm not dating him. I feel like I'm most likely in the wrong and I should just calm down. Am I in the wrong? TL;DR: Friend kisses my ex without telling me, planned on breaking up with her boyfriend for him, and withheld information for weeks, if not months, and didn't tell me until now.
2020.10.02 00:12 reddituser288534 [M4F] #LosAngeles - You are like my asthma. You just take my breath away.
Hi! Nerdy guy here but I feel I have good conversation skills. I'm Asian but American born and raised. Very open to dating other races. I'm a huge hopeless romantic. Ideally looking for something serious with kids down the line but am open to anything. Thin-ish (150 pounds) but looking to be more physically active. I like to read scifi and fantasy, travel (I loved Italy), explore, history, hiking and long walks, having long discussions. I'm into movies like Star Wars and TV shows like Game of Thrones, Westworld, and Stranger Things. Play boardgames like Mansions of Madness and Eldritch Horror. INTJ. Sagittarius. Have car and can drive. Many people have said I look younger than my age. Very strongly prefer a pic (I'm a visual person and I like to know who I am talking to) if you decide to send me a message (PMs please no chat). Strongly against ghosting and catfishing. Bitcoin scammers you have no power here. Here are some pics. https://imgur.com/a/GyPyRLC
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