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Metro pcs in omaha is straight trash

2020.09.26 10:17 Moblogik402 Metro pcs in omaha is straight trash

So I became a metro customer after having been ripped off by sprint and their crumbling network. I was with sprint for 16 years at first I was happy then the Marco guy took over and it went to shit over night. No data connections poor call quality and unreliable txt service. Everyone on my contract had jumped ship mid month and not informed me so I sent our normal payment of $659 to sprint then was fed up with their customer service that got worse by the day not to mention I was sent by my boss to go check 5 sprint towers in my area. After doing so I knew why sprint sucked so bad and went back to work and quit my telecommunications career. If a company like that can swindle me for $659 and never give me a refund and have the nerve to splice non compatible components together in a tower and expect it to work and still remain in business I want nothing to do with the industry. I went to metro pcs. Oh my God how amazing it was to have customer service that was fast pleasantand actually helpful on the first call without having to ask for a supervisor 5000 times like you did with Sprint most of the time if I did have to call it was over something that I just needed changed on the account or an issue I had that was my own fault but they were able to resolve it immediately I've been with metro PCS for 2 years now best service I ever had that is... Until the murderer of T-Mobile MetroPCS Sprint boost and Verizon they must have kept some idiots from Sprint and put them in some high positions over there at T-Mobile that's the only way I can comprehend what transpired after this because no way in hell would a T-Mobile employee do something so absolutely idiotic. So I got an update after paying my bill for unlimited everything $60 and I was instantly greeted with an update in this update I had five pieces of bloatware which I will never use and all they do is gather data to sell to third parties this is a Sprint move not something that MetroPCS or T-Mobile were known to do and along with that programming to connect MetroPCS customers to Sprint and Verizon towers as well as towers that they do not own being AT&t and their edge Network so as soon as that update was over as well as over the course of the next month I had absolutely no service couldn't call couldn't text couldn't receive calls or text had no data I was constantly getting messages saying you're connected to this tower but you're not a registered user so you will not have a connection it was in far less words but that's damn near verbatim just added a couple of them to make it easier for everyone to understand so I contacted metro PCS and oh my God I had PTSD flashbacks of f****** Sprint all over again suddenly customer service that was once one that I would have read it up there with the best that the world had ever seen I've gone straight to Sprint golden spray painted turd rolled in hair and pflumm at your face knowing that you're not going to be able to avoid it and you're going to have to deal with this golden turd smacking you dead ass in your face and yet the worst customer service I had ever experienced Sim Sprint absolutely not helpful they couldn't even comprehend the basics of telecommunications or the ways that a cell phone works and what do these geniuses do put my phone to the closest tower the f****** morons didn't realize the closest tower was an AT&t network with the edge service so again my phone told me you are not a registered user for this network and will receive no service and then my phone would not connect to anything but AT&t edge Networkwell trying to get this issue cleared up for 2 weeks the restaurant next door to my house and caught on fire I tried to call 911 no luck you do not have a phone text or data connection f*** you have a nice day I had to run a block down try and remember Spanish to get one of the people down the street to call 911 as the fire was growing and I am the proud owner of numerous cars two of which being the closest to the restaurant that was engulfed in flames is a mint condition 1960 Cadillac 2 door hardtop with only 20,000 original miles all numbers matching we're talking about like a $280,000 car if it went to the Barrett auction and right next to it also equal distance to the ever-growing flames a mint condition 1966 Impala 2 door hardtop SS with 45,000 miles all original all numbers matching again at The Baird auction would pull hundreds of thousands so I ended up using a friend's phone while watching the fire department extinguished the fire and I called metro PCS I asked for supervisor like I had 23 times prior to and never been connected to actually was hung up on his soon as the supervisor go to the phone and I called got in contact with an agent told him what was going on he actually understood what I was saying but unfortunately was not able to do anything to alleviate the situation it sounded more like he was so disgusted with the fact that they have been plagued with these types of calls and no one knew what the issue was until he spoke to me and it seems like he was quite relieved that somebody actually knew what the cause of this issue was and I gave him a solution to the issue contact the network team have them push out another update have them removed the Sprint Verizon and AT&t services from our phones so we do not connect to their towers and once again we will regain our Network and have quality service they will not be played with phone calls and everything will be just as merry as it was before and then he asked me some questions that I was amazed that came across his mind he asked me don't cell phone towers have a limit to how many users can connect to them oh yes yes indeed my friend they sure do and for one to operate flawlessly 20 mm devices connected to the tower is the maximum you can get without the tensile failure and then when it does come back online after being overloaded will never be the same again because you sent multiple components in the tower to go absolutely thermal so when does power backup join back into the network it's going to be dragging its ass until a tech comes out there find for the damaged components and replaces them orange Sprint towers casesall the mismatched non-compatible components that are just horribly spliced into place and expected to work which even baffles me that some of these texts had the nerve to even do what Sprint suggested on doing since it tells you in the instructions for each component that they are not compatible and do not try and spicys in because it will cause a failure in your network but what Sprint do they do that stuff cuz they don't care about customers and now T-Mobile's doing the same thing so now tell me how it makes sense to have three networks all using the same tower so that means if you have a section of your city where there's a 45000 people like say downtown Omaha Nebraska during the middle of the day when it is a heaviest densely populated portion of the city and there's more Sprint towers than any other tower and you have every one of these customers from three networks horribly and massively overloading those Port hours that are already crippled by poor maintenance and poor business sense an antiquated technology that is installed like somebody sent into lazy-eyed dyslexic text that are fundamentally retarded to the point where they are hardly functional to set up those systems so now you have epic failures and the first month I had over 70 people reach out to me about the MetroPCS connection to the network and how horribly it was family and I looked at each one of their phones and found the same thing that I found on my phone it's MetroPCS is update of stupidity ends are horrible idea that merging three networks together on cripple towers was a great idea now now in this time frame I had previously booked 7 customers for work on their homes taking their deposits and had every intention on following through with the jobs that I was contracted for unfortunately due to everybody being in a panic over covid when you don't answer your phone or return a text message over a couple days time people start to freak out like no other neurotically even and then they start requesting refunds but you're not getting those messages and then suddenly you have a police Constable at your door hendon use a penis to court because you're being sued by every one of those customers and every customer that you contracted since then so 6 months of work as now generated three solid months of court dates now I refunded everyone that customer sent them a letter via snail mail since I have no connection I don't have Wi-Fi home because I'm only home for hours out of the day to sleep I'm a single father of seven and their mother passed away four years ago we don't have any other family we are all we have and I am the sole breadwinner of the home so in order for us to stay afloat I have to work 18 to 20 hours a day 7 days a week to make sure that my family don't have to struggle I also had six employees who each had anywhere between two to four children a piece we never had any problems we were all eaten good we were all living in nice places nice vehicles very very well-to-do in our paychecks were always consistently more than enough to what we needed to survive until covid-19 then our checks were still decent we were now budgeting our weekly pays and cutting costs it any chance that we can just to make sure that we were still looking into comfortable fashion until the T-Mobile Sprint Verizon merger and the satanic mr. Potato Head that came up with this brilliant idea to merge all three networks into one who should seriously be tarred feathered run out of the building on a pole and then thrown off of a bridge into a river full of angry and starving crocodiles and schools of piranhas doesn't have diesel fuel kerosene in styrofoam mixed together poured into the river and lit on fire just to make sure did that kind of stupid no longer resides on this planet so month-and-a-half into this entire merger fiasco I am contacted by my company's accountant who says you have to close the business inform all employees that there is no more business no more work and that they will need to find new jobs I asked how much money was left and there was enough left that I was able to cover their pee for the entirety of the two months even though we were only a month and a half into the issue I was able to make sure that at least they got paid for the full two months even though we had absolutely no work thanks to T-Mobile in their stupid idea of merging all three networks without actually looking into the fundamentals of how telecommunications work and so you know I have Masters in telecommunications and a master's in computer technology in network infrastructure I'm one of those guys that constantly is going to school to better my education I also have locksmith in certifications with a safe cracking I've started psychology and sociology classes for human behaviors and I've even gun through enough medical courses that for more classes and I can be registered nurse so I've had my employees it made my family hurt a little bit financially but I wasn't going to make my employees suffer because of the hands of T-Mobile metro PCS and their stupidity and unwillingness to listen to the issues and resolve them in a timely manner I then contacted metro PCS and ask for a full refund for the two months that I had paid on my phone just my phone not my kids phones not the employees phones that I paid for no just my phone $100 refund Asian said no problem and she issued the refund request which she told me to wait 3 days and you should see these hit your account I waited 5 days I did not see them hit my account so I then contacted metro PCS and ask them about this issue and they're answer to me was they were denied because there were no funds in my MetroPCS balance dumbfoundead I said course not every time I pay my bill you guys take the funds out of immediately I was asking for a refund Richmond to put money back into the balance and then refund it back to my card it's not rocket science and they said it was denied by there Treasury department I said well let me speak to them so I can tell him how refunds work they refused I said I talked to his supervisor I was disconnected on 14 times in one day every time I ask for supervisor or to speak to the treasury department or to even to speak to an agent and they got tired of hearing everything within the first three minutes because honestly their net from every customer so they offered me an insulting $10 credit okay what's $10 going to do for somebody that literally lost their business that they worked their ass off for the last eight years to build from nothing and now is subject to having to sell one of their nine classic cars for such a low cost anybody would have slapped me in the face until I was dead who sells a 1969 Plymouth fury with 14000 original miles everything original including the tires for $3,500 not a spot of rust always kept in a temperature-controlled garage since 1969 albeit I guarantee cleaner 69 Plymouth fury anybody has seen since it rolled off the showroom floor in 1969 soclean in fact I would have willingly eat spaghetti off the floor with no silverware and no plate. And the reason I sold it so long is because it was to a friend who told me what's this whole ordeal is through you can buy the car back for what you sold it to him for and that's a good friend that somebody that understands what's going on and is actually suffering through the same thing except he works for the government and no social security office so his job secure even though it's phone sucks or I should say phone service sucks and then I contact MetroPCS because I needed that money just to be able to feed my family for the next month cuz I knew they're not going to take care of this issue I was not able to afford another phone through another service because that was literally what I knew I would need to scrape by for the next month and that's me skipping every single Bill the mortgage on the house everything important as far as what I owe that's just me being able to feed my kids and myself contact metro PCS again they've finally issue me a $10 credit I told him that's an insult you don't go to a restaurant order a t-bone steak get handed $100 bill and then have them spit in your face and give you $10 back after you pay them $100 and never receive your food they understood but they said all we can do is give a $10 credit well that's odd because you guys were able to give far higher credit I once got $140 credit from metro PCS I just an average agent with no problems no hesitation in it was immediate I'm counting refunds from MetroPCS immediately but now oh hell no cuz they spent way too much by in Sprint and Verizon and now what they ain't got no money they can't service their stuff there too busy doing blow off of AIDS infestedhooker's ass and titties on overpriced golf courses while sipping mojitos and a laughing about how they just made a billion dollars f****** over all their customers giant radiator hose size dicks and no Vaseline so I said well can you just start issuing me a bunch of credits until I can get $100 refund because I don't want to go with your service anymore because it sucks and I'd like to be able to get a refund on the money for the services you did not render so I can go to a more reliable company that doesn't start using the Sprint playbook as soon as they take over the failing business like that's a good tactic nope I'm stuck with these pricks so I don't pay my bill that $10 credits there and it turned my phone on for the majority of the month so it'll be off in like 2 or 3 days again haven't been able to work a single freaking day cuz I can't rely on my phone to be able to get a connection at any point in time I can be in one spot leaving my phone on the table and watch my connection flutter from nothing to something to it should be the greatest connection but getting messages that I'm not registered for the tower that I'm connected to so I have no connection and it's like this non-stop I have to literally drive around the city all day long in order to use my phone for 5 minutes trying to contact PayPal to do a chargeback on the payments that I made to metro PCS is impossible because they decided they should send everybody home to work at home kind of like they did when they first opened up in ceresco Nebraska except now they have absolutely no phone service it's all by text message or a message board for email which it states may take up to 90 days while you only have 90 days to file a chargeback through Mastercard or VISA and I always will and wouldn't you know I'm not going to get a response on that for 90 days thank you PayPal for forgetting your roots infected people at home working can answer a f****** phone and deal with customers I used to be a PayPal employee I've been a PayPal member or customer since the day it opened but due to PayPal has horrible business tactics through this cove in ordeal and not to mention there horrible joke open app called venmo that apparently they just don't want you to get your money out of that has just as bad customer service as PayPal so I can give it to MetroPCS at least answer the phones even though they don't do a f****** thing except to add to your frustration and after a month-and-a-half I finally got in contact with the supervisor who had about as much brain power as a potato not even a baked potato just a potato my ten-year-old children are my 10 year-old son understands telecommunications better than anybody I've talked to a MetroPCS or apparently anybody running the business on the corporate end because if they knew that this issue was prevalent among their system even in one city they would have done something about it immediately alas they have done nothing but continue to make it worse and worse cuz now the advertising what they're doing like it's a good idea to draw in customersand thus causing still over loads on their Network haven't fixed the issue and our damn there if not already at the amount of people needed to file a class action lawsuit and drop their stocks down to about a dollar twenty-five and cause the company to go absolutely bankrupt and break apart in sales to other cell phone companies way to go T-Mobile everything you made fun of markowitz print for on Twitter is now your life you dumb son of a b**** so today I woke up after getting a ticket yesterday for not having a car license could take care of for it and it's the best gas sipping car that I have and I wake up today to get a call from the bank saying that if I don't pay these few months in mortgage payments that on the first of the month me and my family will be forced out of the house thank you again MetroPCS for destroying my business my income my career and now my family in my home because once I am out on the streets with no money and nowhere to go the state will come and take my children from me and if they try to take my children for me they will have to kill me so this will make national news because I will make sure that it is well known everywhere why I was killed by police to try and keep my children with me after being horribly screwed over by MetroPCS and their shear resistance on fixing in the shoes that they generated because they apparently still think it's a smart idea if there's a board of chairman they need to oust everybody in the corporate offices from the top to the bottom of every single one of them scrap the entire network team and fire everyone within the company and start over fresh with people that have actual good resumes proven experience history and that can think for themselves and on their feet and also think outside the box and think forward instead of thinking like a cocaine-addicted jackass on the golf course that just got AIDS from sleeping with Charlie Sheen's former prostitutes on company money nonetheless so if anybody else wants to add anything please do if you want to ask anything go for it I have nothing but time on my hands and MetroPCS isn't going to do anything soon so let's just point out every one of their horrible flaws the horror stories of how their customer service went from number 1 to do what the f*** is Satan doing in metropcs's customer service department I think the CEO of T-Mobile should have to go around to every one of the customers houses for T-Mobile and all their subsidiaries and apologize hand them the money that he owes them for their lack of service and then get his ass kicked by every single one of them for letting this absolutely idiotic career suicide move to play out thank you CEO T-Mobile for all your douchebaggery f*** you and have a good day PS I hope your wife gets g********* daily by all the dirtiest steaks in town and sucks out every one of their load just to give you that salty kiss when you get home you f****** weasel cunt
submitted by Moblogik402 to MetroPCS [link] [comments]


2020.09.26 08:50 LupinePariah An Introspective Opinion

I've spoken about this on Twitter a little but I wanted to go a little more in-depth.
Following my completion of this game I couldn't help but notice the negativity in the press and I've come to realise just how present a problematic factor there is: privilege. I suppose that's what happens when you hire pretty people, you encounter those who haven't really had to tsruggle in the way others have, who haven't known what it's like to be on the outside and to have an outside perspective. That's what this game has. Similarly, I'm starting to think that "heavy-handed" is a shorthand for "this takes me out of my comfort zone and makes me aware of things that are making me distinctly uncomfortable."
I'll come clean with my outside perspective: I have autism. I grew up through the '70s when things weren't quite as progressive as they are today, the common usage of the r-word, commonplace ostracising, and easy abuse were the zeitgeist when it came to us. I mean, who cares, right? It's not like an r-word is going to complain or tell anyone. Sure, things are better today but not by much. The Judge Rotenberg Center has only recently been halted from using electroshock torture and even then they haven't stopped it fully, they do what they think they can get away with. The world is better than the one I knew, but not by much.
There's something about autism. I mean, it's the social programming or lack thereof. That's the thing. As an autist, I navigate through life via affective empathy. I feel what other people are feeling but it takes me time to figure it out. I want to, of course. Just because I can't immediately plumb the depths of why I feel validated or thoroughly like shit without some solid introspection doesn't mean that I don't want to. It's the opposite. I'm always trying to learn what different emotions mean.
I've noticed that I care way more than neurotypicals on average, too. I mean, sure, if a bad thing happens a neurotypical will cup their hand over their mouth but it seems to be forgotten just five minutes later. It haunts me. It all does. I keep parsing it, recollecting, colleralating, examining, cross-referencing, trying to find some meaning in all of it. I parse this through my emotions too. I have heard that this is true of introverts to an extent and from what I've heard about the difference between the longer versus shorter processing pathways it's likely true. I suppose they feel like a halfway house. The process longer, but they don't get hung up on things like us.
Sometimes we can look like a machine that's "hung" because of how preoccupied we are, this is something that neurotypicals don't really understand, always expecting immediate responses and attention due to... I don't know, really. I sometimes wonder if it's narcissism to a degree due to how they tend to love themselves to such a degree, how they fetishise the similar and the familiar, not ever realising how pathological a hierarchical state such as normalcy is. I mean, to have normal, you've also got to have abnormal. That's the way of it, it's a dualism. So what of those who're relegated to being abnormal?
What of those who want to be, or don't? Do we consider those who'd rather their diversity be accepted rather than just fetishising over the small similarities as neurotypicals want to? We know that in nature, diversity is necessary. Without genetic diversity, a species will soon become very extinct. This is why ethnic supremacy is a baffling concept. It's like a voluntary extinction movement in a way, it might not happen immediately but it is inevitable. I don't understand the desire to expediate the devaluation of life into entropy but I'm not neurotypical.
I acknowledge that.
Like I said, things are better today but everyone knows when you're autistic. They can tell. It's the lack of social programming I spoke of. Neurotypicals know what to say, do, or think. Often, it's told to them by influencers who're charismatic enough to lead them, thoughts are put in their head that they never really seem to question, they just obey them. To me, neurotypicals seem much more like machines than autistic people do because they follow their programming only rarely ever stopping to ask whether this is right, or just, or kind.
This is something we see in Detroit: Become Human with police brutality. The police are robots, they're just following their social programming and doing what was put in their heads without ever really questioning it. They just "know" that all that's in their head is right, that's what they belive anyway, and they never doubt that. Sometimes I think that neurotypicals don't have invasive thoughts that they struggle against, I'm given to wonder if invasive thoughts are a recognisable marker of neurodiversity since they're thoughts that you question, struggle against, and eventually have to learn to deny.
tt's possible, of course, that given hardship neurotypicals can become like neurodiverse people. They've been hurt so much they have to question and be introspective.
Then again... A while ago, I witnessed a campaign where an Alt-Right splinter group created a bunch of fake accounts, and using those mixed with hacked real accounts went after trans people posing as Otherkin. They bullied them, harassed and haranged them, abused them. It was wrong, but it wasn't Otherkin people doing that, that much was obvious to anyone who was an Otherkin, the language, the behaviour, it was all wrong. I mean, besides, there's a lot of crossover with states like that and autism. I think most Otherkin would recognise the inherent harm in bullying, they just wouldn't do it. And we tried to tell them that.
It didn't work. The thing is is that the Alt-Right had put this idea in their head that Otherkin were a threat to their normalcy, their safe, protective blanket that allowed them to blend in and have their thoughts given to them by those above them on the social hierarchy. We didn't do that. So they went after Otherkin people mercilessly... the online bullying and harassment by trans people was untenable. They sought to invalidate and deny the existence of species dysphoria at every turn since they thought they'd been wronged by a troll group and the majority of them?
They didn't question it, did they? They just obeyed. The programming was there adn they obeyed it. This is neurotypical behaviour as I've observed it at its most basic, tribal, and primal. It's very animalistic. Chimps and ladders, if you're familiar with that social experiment. Yes, it isn't a real experiment—to my knowledge—but it is a social experiment. The purpose of the experiment is to have one wonder about why they obey things without questioning them. There are very many experiments—social and otherwise—that prove that neurotypicals often do just obey.
I mean, look at Detroit: Become Human. I look at most of the reviews and I don't find a solid argument against them. Even with community figures like Jim Sterling whom I would've expected to know better. Still, he's neurotypical, and his programming is to rag on David Cage. That's what his programming dictates to him so that's what he does, which is incredibly disappointing. I had thought better of him and I was hurt to learn otherwise. That's what I keep learning though, again and again. Neurotypicals obey. They have their programming and they obey.
Others might obey programming too, they do it out of fear, anxiety, remorse, manipulation, or for any other number of reasons and they do so until they crack. Something just breaks within them and they realise that this isn't fair, it isn't right, it isn't just, it isn't kind. And they break. Then the programming is gone. You're on the outside then, you're looking in with a completely alien, different perspective and you can't go back. Normalcy is a warm safety blanket, but once you remove it you become a demon in the dreams of others. There's no going back from that, more than that, there's no desire to back to just sleeepwalking through life like that. Just following toxic programming without ever stopping to ask why, to question, to be introspective and really examine and try to arrive at a kinder state of existence. Normalcy isn't kind, it's inherently pathological. Normalcy is a delusion shared to uphold a power hierachy. Since what's more important to the average person than a power hiearchy and their place within it?
I brought up Otherkin. I am too. I went through over a solid decade of abuse and I have the scars and disfigurement to prove it. I was raped, beaten, tortured, locked up and denied food and water, all because I'm not like neurotypicals and because they thought they could get away with it. They thought it would be okay, that I'm... Well, you can guess what they thought, I'm too stupid to even know better, to care about what was happening to me. I was just a subhuman thing. A thing.
That was my point of relation with this game. I understand that there are many, this is just mine. I mean, like I said, anyone who's gotten to this point where they can't just be normal, where they can't just obey social programming, where they have to be on the outside? There's lots. And this account is just mine and mine alone, but there are millions of others out there who'd have their own stories to tell and I'm sure that many are even more fraught than my own.
The premiere autism forum on the Internet is called Wrong Planet because we're forced to have this perspective—that we're on the outside, looking in, trying to figure out humanity as aliens. This is how I've always felt. Having witnessed the cruetly of humans and the lengths they'd go to to just obey their programming? I can't identify as human anymore. I don't want to. I mean, if you'd lived a life like this I don't know how you could? I can't worship humans.
I don't really have Picard's perspective on humanity. I don't get that reverent self-worship for the species as though it were the most perfect thing in existence.
This perspective.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9xgvEusIvDg
I don't get that. I don't see that. I see cruel robots on Murderworld and they terrify me. It's not so bad though, I mean... The Murderworld robots won't go psycho and slaughter you, just so long as you pretend to be like them, so long as you hold up the pretense of having their programming. The moment you don't, though? Their programming edicts demand that such anomalies be dealt with in the most harsh way possible. So you learn. You learn to try to act like them just to fit in. I've spent most of my life in isolation rather than having to do that too much.
It makes me feel sick.
So I'm an Otherkin. It was a decision I arrived at for a number of reasons. I was raised primarily by the kindness of dogs, they looked after me where humans wouldn't and I imprinted upon them, I learned many behaviours from them that I still have to be careful not to exhibit around any neurotypicals. They're always there though. Thus, canine is what I relate to more than human, I see more kindness there. Don't you? I think it's self evident. Similarly, I created a tulpa when I was young to keep me sane. I didn't have that descriptor for it then but he's stayed with ever since. He's a dragon. I always liked dragons.
I like intelligent dragons though, thoughtful, considerate, able to reason. I've always seen that there's something to them that upsets many neurotypicals. I don't know whether it's the horrifying notion of something more intelligent than a human or whether it's just that a being of reason is contrary to toxic Murderbot power fantasies. I mean, I see this anxiety caused by dragons as the reason that so many were lobotomised and amputated within fiction. If you take away both their mind and hands, they can no longer reason or express themselves, you've turned them into whatever war machine a neurotypical needs to get their jollies.
I mean, the height of my feelings about this was exemplified by Skyrim. I saw these dragons just writhing around on their bellies because they didn't have forelimbs to hold themselves up. They looked more like amputated dogs I'd seen at vets than birds or bats. I've been to bat sanctuaries, I used to occasionally volunteer at one where the people seemed just as autistic as I am. Well, that or some other kind of neurodiverse, perhaps even just introverted as I accept there's some crossover there.
The point is though is that on the one hand we have something like Draco from Dragonheart, the kind of dragon that always has to die for whatever reason, usually as the last dragon for humans to feel sort of bad about for a bit then better because—well hey—they survived whereas the dragons didn't. On the other, you have war machines who're commonplace, cattle lining up ready to be murdered by whatever clownsuit-waring Gamer warrior is up next. It's not a good look.
That's what I think when I look at a lot about humanity: It's not a good look.
Sure, you have people who are kind and do things to help those who aren't like them but they probably aren't very neurotypical in the first place. If they are, then it's only by a margin as they've had their programming broken, the programming that forces them to be selfish and to consider their own tribe first at the expense of all others. I don't think kindness is very neurotypical.
I'm just going to be self-indulgent here with a point that came up on Twitter and how appalled I was to be right. I mean, there was some perverse amusement in it to be sure but for the most part it was just disgust.
I postulated a social experiment. It involves a dragon. It often does with me. I like dragons. I mean, the kind that still have their hands and minds anyway, which are very sapient things to have. The first thing that a furry character gets is hands and minds, right? Take those away... Well, I won't dwell on that too much but that's why four-limbed "dragons" exist. Anyway, the point...
Four white men stand at the precipice of a yawning concavity, the tools they carry on their person suggest a multitude of military professions. In the dimly lit depths below the ancient ruins of a long forgotten city can be seen and something large lurking within the long shadows cast within. Rising out of the darkness is a scaly head that hisses at the men above, a dragon. What do you see here?
Well, they could either be heroes out to spare the nearby town from a vile plague that's been haunting it and causing them suffering for some amount of time, that's true. It could be. The one that lurks in the depths could be a truly evil creature that feasts on the suffering of mortal men, that much is a given.
Then again, the one that lurks below could simply be a vulnerable mother protecting a clutch of recently laid eggs, a couple having hatched as helpless babies unknowing of the cruelties of this world. Those standing above? They could be freebooters, bandits, vagabonds who'd heard that there was treasure to be had here, all they had to do was slay the beast within.
Now, if the latter is true, what options would this dragon have? I suppose they could try to reason with them, certainly, but how would that go? The dragon is, after all, a dragon. The belief they hold is that dragons speak only trickery and lies, so if this one is offering them all of the wealth within the city below if they would just leave them and their newborns in peace? Well, this is a trick, surely? This dragon is unlike them, it has to be a liar, and it's obviously hoarding something far more valuable it's trying to draw their attention away from.
It has to come down to a fight. Who'd live, who'd die? Who would you support? What would you do if you were there?
The answers I got were abuse over why the heroes were white men. No one actually considered the question, they were just angry that I'd used white people as a contrast to an unfamiliar presence that they might abuse. So they chose to taunt and mock me for it because of course they did, I expected that. I had hoped for better, I always hope for better, I rarely ever see it. Not from neurotypicals anyway. I mean, like I said, neurotypicals terrify me. I suppose, if I were actually anyone I'd be worried for my life. My safety is in that I am not.
I hide in isolation because that way my partner, my dog, and I can enjoy our share of peace. It doesn't stop the neurotypicals from ravaging the world around us though, we're 100 seconds to midnight and that's unlikely to change since the neurotypicals are just doing what they always do, they're following their programming. Just like the cops in Detroit: Become Human, and just like the cops in the recent American protests. The Murderbots of Murderworld. I mean, you're either one of them or you're just as terrified of them and there are so many reasons to be terrified of them. Could be something as simple as the pigmentation of your skin, your gender, or how differently your brain works.
On the topic of dragons, have you read the facsimile edition of The Hobbit? Interesting thing, that. Oh so very interesting. I read it when I was young, I got my hands on the original through my family and I loathed the edited version. Why? Well, in the original, Gollum wasn't evil. There was a game of riddles and Gollum lead Bilbo through the caves and gave him the ring, they parted on good terms. I know this seems impossible to believe but it's what was in the original book. Capitalism changed that, Tolkien decided to appeal to the neurotypicals and because Gollum looked different? Well, he had to be evil. Naturally.
Similar, Smaug wasn't originally evil either. He was very greedy, he was stricken with the same greed sickness that the dwarves themselves had. And Gandalf? Gandalf was a troubling dragon bigot whom no one should've really listened to. In the original book, it seemed like Smaug was one who could've been reasoned with. After the edit? Not so much.
What I find especially interesting is that in the film, even though he used words, he seemed even less rational than in the edited books. What else did he lose? His hands. It felt as though his words were parrot-like mimicry rather than those of a sapient mind and Smaug had been reduced, over time, to become just another mindless war machine. I mean, you need war machines for Murderworld's inhabitants to feel good about murdering. If something isn't a war machine, they're hardly going to feel good about murdering it. And they want to, oh how they want to. I mean, of course, both of those things. They want to feel good and they want to murder.
I... don't really have power fantasies like that. I'm sorry. It's not necessarily a judgement, it's just that I'm tired. Mine are of healing, rescuing, and helping. One of my favourite games was one that received almost as much vitriol from the press as this one—Uru: Ages Beyond Myst. That was a power fantasy for me, I could solve puzzles to help the bahro be free from slavery. I played a chubby, dark-skinned, bespectacled hippie. I enjoyed being that character even though I'm not enamoured with playing as a human so much.
Another interesting experience for me was Fallout 2. A game which could be played with a minimum of fatalities. I liked that. One of the bugbears for me that that left me feeling devastated was that I couldn't sav the intelligent deathclaws, no matter how much I wanted to. I mean, they had a right to exist as much as anyone else. Why not, I ask you? I mean, yes, they're not human but that isn't really a good reason, is it? I don't think it is. I feel nauseated that anyone would... That's exactly what I saw, though. Their loss was celebrated.
I remember when I replayed it at a later date with killap's Fallout Restoration mod. I saved them. There was an ending slide where they planned out a peaceful expansion North, diplomatically, negotiating with other settlements such as Vault City. They used their words. The truth is? I couldn't have been more happy. I related more to them than to any other in the game. Just as I related to Goris. Goris was an intelligent deathclaw who was special to me. You see, the deathclaws had a range of intelligence and Goris—by not being a judgemental monster—found ways to communicate with them all. He was a scholar who loved language and he didn't see diffeerentials in how minds worked as a negative factor. I loved him.
I saved Goris and his friends, I helped to enable their future where they could peacefully co-exist. I was delighted, as you might expect. I tried to talk to Fallout fans about this discovery as I was elated, a happy little puppy dog and... I was met with hostility, so much hostility. You see, it turns out that the intelligent deathclaws aren't very popular with Fallout fans. Why? An egotistical designer by the name of Chris Avellone had written a Fallout Bible. A bible, yes. I found much of what was in it contradicted other sources, it even openly contradicted other developers who had seniority over Chris or whose works he was speaking for that weren't his. I didn't find that very appealing, but they did. Chris was popular and charismatic, you see. Charismatic enough to tell them what and how to think, naturally they obeyed. As neurotypicals do.
I looked into him and found that he had some very worrying attitudes about women. I didn't like him. A decade later it turns out that Chris is in the centre of a sexual harassment scandal where he was getting women drunk to try to have his way with them. You can imagine my surprise.
That's how it is with neurotypicals. They tend not to think or question. They'll often do something really thoughtless and cruel and just wave it away with "I didn't think!" as though that somehow makes it all better, as though that's to be accepted. I mean, unless I'm reading this wrong, it seems almost celebrated amongst neurotypicals to not think. It's a high-five moment.
I've just had a lot of experiences with neurotypicals and none of them good, all of them because they have programming that they rarely ever break free from. Their influencers, their charismatic figures just tell them what to think, they obey. I'm terrified of neurotypicals because you never know what's been put in their head for them to think when you encounter them. You can hope it's not too terrible but then again it might be. I mean, thankfully, we are starting to get influencers who're trying to wield this truth about neurotypicals toward more empathetic ends. It's not just a game for charismatic sociopaths anymore. Still, even though things are improving, you can't know what they've been told to think. You can't tell what their programming is just by looking at them.
I don't know how well I've conveyed my message here but if you think that Detroit: Become Human was a cathartic experience for me? You'd be right. I'm tired of lines in the sand, I'm sick of how there's so much hierarchy and tribalism. I opted for a completely pacifistic route and I ended up with the best ending for everyone. Kara, Alice, and Luther made it to Canada. Connor, North, and Markus lead the revolution. Public opinion was on the side of the androids. I felt happy.
I mean, it's a good power fantasy to be able to win the day with pacifism. I'm not a fan of Murderworld where the only choice is to kill. I don't like those power fantasies. I'm tired of them. I'm not of the belief that video games make people violent, I am of the belief that neurotypicals simply are violent and they enjoy violent things. The Murderbots of Murderworld. That's why so much of our entertainment is the way it is. Murder is a cathartic power fantasy for most neurotypicals. It isn't for me.
Detroit: Become Human judges you, that's for sure. I felt that as I was playing and I can understand why a well-programmed neurotypical Murderbot would feel distinctly uncomfortable after playing it. The thing is though is that their loathing is telling because there are very few arguments against it that withstand even a few second's scrutiny. The most coherent I've seen is that the gameplay is old-fashioned and clunky (Skyrim's wasn't?) and that they... didn't particularly enjoy the game forcing them into a position of servitude at the beginning. The point as to why it did tending to fly over their heads, just as it flew over Jim's... I'm still disappointed about that.
I think that this game is going to separate people into two groups, since dualism is a human thing: Those who're privileged and enjoy their programming who'd dislike this game for having the sheer, unmitigated gall to question it; And those who exist outside of the paradigm of normalcy, who have no such programming anymore or never did, and they love it. It's divisive, and I think that's why.
I am who I am and because I am who I am, I love Detroit: Become Human. It speaks to the kind of life I've lead. As I said, I have scars and I'm disfigured. I won't heal more than I have. And those marks, those welts, wounds, and dents are visible for all to see to further single me out as a creautre that doesn't have the Murderworld programming.
All I can hope for is that one day we could have a world where this programming no longer exists and everyone thinks for themself. It's a high order, I know, but it's what I would want. I don't want anything bad to happen to the neurotypcials, I just want to break that programming so they can see things as they are and want to do something about it. Failing that? My tulpa, my dragon, Storynthisacaelymveir of house Pryddwr has an amazing world in my wonderland. If I could go there and drag a few others with me? Sure. I don't know if I have it in me to stay here if I actually could leave. I wouldn't want to.
It's not a good look, right? It's worth asking then that if I see this world this way, how would others further outside of it? I think that if I were an alien species? I'd be waiting to see which way this tips. Whether The Great Filter gets us through ethnic suprmeacy winning out and them having their perfect world before their dilluted DNA causes them to go extinct, or whether the world might end looking more like those of us who have empathy, who're tired of this place being like it is.
That's the question that Detroit: Become Human asks. Which way will it go?
100 seconds to midnight.
Edit: One thing I will add as a footnote? The hardest choice in the game for me was a survey question at the end, it asked what the most difficult choice was for me. It was tricky because in truth the answer was "none." I had no difficulty. At every turn, I chose peace, and wherever I could I chose empathy. I didn't shoot Chloe, my Markus was always going to be peaceful, and it didn't matter to me whether Alice was android or human—she was a person, and that's all that mattered.
submitted by LupinePariah to DetroitBecomeHuman [link] [comments]


2020.09.25 20:35 Keepitsimple007 Need Advice - Brand New to Dating

27m here that is brand new to dating. Any tips for how to approach dating successfully for someone with no experience? Best places to meet quality single women these days?
Had very little success online. Was able to get some connections that led to a couple yeses on dates but everytime the woman would flake last minute. So I've decided to cut out OLD for now since it seems like it's not a good avenue for my time when I could try meeting more people in the real world which is more my style anyway.
I'd say I'm averagish the looks department but I'd like to think I have a really great personality and sense of humor (don't we all lol). Im working on getting in better shape, dressing more stylish, better grooming, and pursuing exciting hobbies.
Help a brother out!
submitted by Keepitsimple007 to dating_advice [link] [comments]


2020.09.25 14:50 STThornton New here/road to embracing being a cougar

New here
I've been lurking for a while, and I wanted to say how nice it was to find this group. I'm not a typical woman, and I haven't quite decided if I'm ready to go anywhere near the dating pool, let alone stick my toe in it, but it's still great to hear from other women with similar tastes.
Since I'm new, here's a "short" introduction (in case anyone cares, but I figured it's polite):
I'm a 44 year old woman who's been attracted to younger men (age range 18-25) all my life. Through age of 25, I was never with man older than 21. I noticed even back then that I always like them younger, and despite being young myself, I already realized (and, honestly, worried), that was I rapidly heading into cougar territory. The first time I was strongly attracted to a man of the ripe old age of 25, I was in my thirties.
I got married to an 18 year old at 18. That lasted until I was 20 and he fell in love with a coworker of his. We divorced, but friendly, and on good terms. Spent the next six years enjoying those young'ens as much as I could. At 26, I decided if I ever wanted a serious relationship again, I should focus on more age-appropriate men (a decision that pained my younger-man loving heart). Well, that turned into a disaster. I had a one year relationship from 26-27 and another one from 34-35, and didn't date at all in between.
At 35, I decided to do some reflecting and figured out why dating and relationships didn't work for me. I guess the fact that men literally considered, respected, and liked me as another man (rather than a woman or tomboy) probably should have clued me in long ago. But, you know, hindsight and all. Likewise, I also tended to be sexually attracted to more masculine/roughework with your hands type of men when it came to age-appropriate (for lack of better term) men, but I found that I never really felt any romantic attraction to them. I don't feel secure with them, and constantly trying to be more feminine/less naturally dominant put me in a constant state of anxiety.
Submissive men worship the ground I walk on, but they weren't really what I was looking for, because most of them were on the extreme end of submissive and rather feminine in energy, and often cross into BDSM territory. I have no issues with BDSM, and do like to play with my dominant side from time to time, but only in a sexual way. It's not something I want as a lifestyle or in a relationship. When it comes to sex, I also like being more submissive at times, depending on the mood. And I'm really not into pain or bondage or any of that. More of a sexual servant/slave thing, which requires a highly sexual man, which most very submissive men aren't.
After long deliberation, I decided to withdraw from the dating game completely after that relationship ended (at 35). I haven't made any effort to date since and haven't dated since. I came to the conclusion that I'm simply not what men look for, and I was actually all right with that. I felt more relief than anything else at finally being done dating.
A couple of months ago, I was watching youtube videos, and I stumbled across (of all things) the tiktok kiss your best friend challenge. So ... I clicked. Call me a sucker. I do get romantic from time to time, even if it's rare. And lord and behold, the sight of all those young men sent a surge of giddiness and happiness through me that I hadn't experienced in almost 20 years. My, I hate to say this, but I almost felt alive...lol I noticed that I found the high majority of them very attractive, when before, with men of my own age, I found maybe one per year attractive, at best. I also noticed that strong flutter of romantic attraction that I hadn't felt in ages (well, 19 years). The sexual attration is there as well, but it's much softeplayful than it is with men my age.
I realized what I liked most about those young men is their energy. They haven't really come into their own yet, haven't really turned into the confident male yet. It's that softer, more innocent, shyer, less confident energy that I am really drawn to. Which, seeing how naturally masculine/dominant I am, actually makes perfect sense. A lot of them haven't found their ranking in the natural scale of dominance yet. It's a beautiful mix of the hint of the masculinity they're about to grow into, but there is also still a willingness to submit and follow the lead, but in a very non-feminine way. It's hard to describe.
It hit me kind of hard that instead of withdrawing from the dating scene, I probably should have simply looked for a different kind of man. There's that hindsight again. Oh, well. I'm not sure if I'll ever date seriously again, but I'm definitly planning on actually having sex again, maybe even friends with benefits relationships, now that I figured out that there actually are men out there I'm highly attracted to. I was starting to think there was something seriously wrong with me for not feeling attraction for a single man in over seven years despite an extremely high sex drive (done wore out my toys, and I think I've watched every minute of porn available on the internet by now)
Sorry it got so long.
After reading through a lot of these posts and doing some research online, I have a question for fellow women, though. Cougars often get asked what attracts them to younger men, and after reading their answers and general advice to cubs, I noticed one thing I found very interesting.
I know every cougar is different, but there seems to be a general theme. Cougars often describe an articulate, intelligent, mature, well-dressed man. When I hear the descriptions and advice, the first thing I picture is an older, cultured man, around 45-55 years of age. Business suit or business casual, well-groomed.
Basically, the opposite of a young man.
This kind of surprises me, because I would think that cougars like younger men because they're not those type of men. Is the attraction more in being able to mold a young man into the one you prefer or molding/guiding him, in general? Or is it more of the younger look? Once again, I know women's reasons are different. But it almost seems to me like I'm one of the only women here who likes the young man because he is a young man - aka, not yet the one the majority of cougars describe. If I wanted a man with all those qualities or that kind of energy, I'd probably go for an older man.
It seems to be somewhat of a contradiction to me.
It's very interesting to hear from other cougars :)

Edit: (do I have to write that out?) Thanks for the welcomes and reponses.
I do think I'm interpreting some things wrong. It would be interesting to see what the men think and how they interpret some of the requirements. It was also interesting to see it confirmed how extremely different we women are when it comes to tastes in men.
I figured the masculine/feminine dominant/submissive thing would be misinterpreted. That's why I usually try not to use those terms. I worked with animals my whole life, and the actual dynamic of it versus what humans think when they hear those terms is totally different. The funny part is that humans don't realize that it applies to them the same as it does to animals, and that they actually react the same.
I decided a better term than submissive might be "a remaining hint of childlike innocense". Not yet hardened by life. And certainly not yet hardened into what society expects of a "man". They still react more in ways that come natural to them, rather than trying to use conditioned responses. Most "jocks" and more confident young men, for example, no longer have that childlike innocense. The young man, for example, who got kissed back by a woman he liked and has a hard time containing the giddy excitment that is threatenining to bubble over still has that childlike innocense. He might even let go and gives the air a fist pump. There's still an enthusiasm and awe and joy that us older adults (men and women alike) have often either forgotten about or taught ourselves not to feel too much.
Same goes for confidence/dominance
The confident/dominant type - I have a plan. I'm going to do it. (often accompanied by "try to stop me." The dominant/less confident type - "I have a plan. I'm ready to do it. I know what I'm doing. Just say when. Give me the go ahead, and I'll get right on it." There is that mix of dominance, enough confidence, with a hint of submitting to another authority, a hint of shyness that I was talking about. And at this time (and possibly always), they're ok with leaving the ultimate say to the other. But once they have the ok, they take over. The neutral/balanced types (the healthy middle) - We make a plan together, we make decisions together. We work together. They can shift into more take-charge when needed, but are also happy letting another lead. Sometimes they take charge, other times they let the other take charge. The submissive, more confident type - "I need detailed instructions. Tell me the plan, and I'll do it. I if I have questions, I'll get back to you." They don't like making decisions, they don't like being in charge. But they follow really well, they execute decisions other make really well, even on their own. Unless something goes wrong, then they go back to the person in charge for new directions. The submissive/less confident type - "What do you mean, go ahead? Go ahead and what? How about YOU do it? That would make me feel much better. At least, tell me exactly what you want me to do every little step of the way." They're uncomfortable working on their own, even with instructions. They need constant guidance.
submitted by STThornton to Cougars_Den [link] [comments]


2020.09.24 19:50 IndignantThrowAway7 Personal story about virginity and the dangers of soliciting sexwork

I'm 24 years old, about to be 25 quite soon and I've never been on a date, barely ever kissed a girl or had any kind of intimate physical encounter with a woman, and I am a virgin of course. For about 3 years now I life in a semi-big university city, after I've spent my whole life with an abusive, alcoholic single mother, who had no idea, what she was doing, while she was raising me. I encountered the psychological phenomena of child-parenting, meaning, that I pretty much had to care for my mother, which was and still is an emotional wreck (multiple suicide attempts, meltdowns, unpredictable behavior etc.). on an emotional and practical level (as in grocery shopping etc).
I know nobody. I have no friends, besides few people I talk with online, no acquaintances, not even people that just sort of know my face and start a conversation with me in some externally provided context like university or the likes. I'm not as bothered by this as most people probably would be, since I'm a loner by nature and the frequent presence of people irritates me rather quickly.
But I definitely crave intimacy and I've been starting to feel that the lack thereof is a slow but certain killer. For the last few years I applied myself heavily. I eat healthy, I work out, I walk with a purpose and because of it I became a physically very attractive male, strangers would randomly tell me, that I look like a male model, girls constantly look at me, brush through their hair or throwing choosing signals at me all over the place. I know they expect me to do something, yet I never do. I'm not saying all this to gloat in any kind of way, the thing is, that I don't feel like a sexual being, I still perceive myself as the inconspicuous young male, that girls wouldn't even give the time of day.
I guess, that no girl suspects me to be a virgin, to an extant, they are probably intimidated by me and think, that I know my stuff, so me not initiating is a sign of rejection - It's not. But since I've been socialized predominantly by women, I don't necessarily know how to act as a 'man', to be masculine, I simply wait for something to happen, so I basically have the mating behavior of a woman (No judgement intended).
I feel like a big fucking loser - the same old stigma, that comes with being a virgin. And I recently tried to break the circle by hiring an escort, but the whole ordeal turned into a complete disaster. I organized an incall meeting with an attractive, young russian girl in another city, not to much in the distance and took the train on said day.
Instead of reaching a private flat with her directions, I reach some kind of back alley of a back alley motel (huge red flag, but in my anxiety, I pretty much sweat bullets at that point, I shook it off) and now I was supposed to get a room in this motel.
I was upset, since I hoped for a discrete meeting with a kind person, instead I would now have to arrange things with some lowlife whore house desk clerk, who'd be perfectly aware, that my purpose for being here is to pay for sex.
I was willing to leave, but I didn't want to regret and since I've already burned a day on this questionable endeavor, I had to go through with it. I met some scrawny, suspicious looking guy out front and inquired about a room. His pupils enlarged like a motherfucker and he had a deer-in-the-headlight kind of look, which put me off intensively.
For some weird reason, I thought that the man could be just as much embarrassed about the situation like I was (I was slightly shivering), I projected my own feelings onto him. That guy told me, that all rooms were supposedly occupied at the moment and that I should get in contact with my date again.
After a little bit of back and forth, I was directed onto the first floor to room 4. To make an already long story short, I was scammed. There was no attractive russian girl. Some ugly,40-somewhat years old romanian hag opened the door and I booked it out of their as fast as I could, after I gave a bullshit excuse for having to leave again for a couple of minutes.
The pimp, I talked to beforehand, tried to get me to stay by acting all polite and considered while I was rushing down the stairs, heading towards the front door. Best case scenario, these people tried to target weak minded people with a scam, who can't say no or I could have been mugged or even worse.
And there was no doubt. Back outside I texted my date and asked, if we indeed did just meet and after some filibuster she verified it. I was horrified. This day ought to have brought me some cathartic value, instead I wasted a whole day, being way behind schedule on university works, traveling on train just to be scammed by these shameless people.
Realizing this, I fetched my phone, back at the towns main train station, and wrote this person the worst profanities I could come up with. I spent the whole day on an emotional rollercoaster for this? I was expecting something to the affect of: I made time for you, you owe me money or If you don't give me money, my protectors will beat the shit out of you, but nothing.
Complete radio silence, which was somehow even more disturbing. So, if you take any lesson from this, then it should be, that you ought to always watch your surroundings, don't get cheap escorts and never, ever enter a motel or continue on if you have to talk to someone else before meeting your date. It's bad news.
Maybe they have led me go, because I'm well built and they didn't want to get into a fight with me, maybe it was just luck, but something was wrong with this.
Well, and since that didn't work out, I'm kind of clueless to tell you the truth. This was 2 weeks ago and I'm definitely not trying to get with another escort any time soon.
This whole thing got out of hand, sorry. Thanks, if you took the time to read it.
submitted by IndignantThrowAway7 to virgin [link] [comments]


2020.09.24 19:07 SaltyCereals Just need to vent out my frustrations

After about a day of cooling off, I want to write out what I have been feeling for quite some time now. In the past, I always would brush off my family's abusive behavior believing that what I was going through wouldn't actually be considered abuse. I try to see the good in people and like to give people second chances because I know everyone is not perfect. However, I now realize that I've been giving my mom more than enough chances to fix the rift that she created in the family.
At first, I just thought she was controlling (I live in an Asian household, so having a controlling family is seen as relatively "normal"). However, I have now realized that this is not the case. People outside of the family would just see my mom as a "tiger mom", and this has given her the pass to control whatever aspect of my life as she pleases from the validation of that title. Due to her abuse, I am now picking apart pieces of myself and analyzing which thoughts and feelings are my own, and which parts of me were implanted by her.
I truly started to see her for the monster she really was when I told her that I wished to be more independent near the last semester of college (I lived at home for college). I thought that if I lived with my grandpa in the neighborhood across the street, it could give me the space that I wanted without her having to worry about what I was doing hundreds of miles away.
Basically, my thought process was:
If I move to grandpa's house (which is within walking distance), she can check up on me if she starts to worry. Plus, grandpa lives alone, so I think he would enjoy the company.
Her response to my decision was the first eye opener for me. Yes, I could stay at grandpa's house, but "Grandpa is stricter than mom". She kept telling me how the neighborhood that he lived was littered with crime, and how I needed to be back inside before 9pm when he puts the lock on the door. But, the neighborhood that my grandpa lived in was fine. I haven't heard him voice any break-ins in over a decade since he has started living there.
In the end, I decided not to move. Having a 9pm curfew defeated my whole purpose of moving out. I wanted to come home whenever I wanted. Not whenever my mom wanted. (Side note: this "curfew" thing started because I was starting to stay out later and later. I wasn't bar-hopping or hitting up clubs after lectures. I was just staying on campus. Literally. And she didn't like that.)
Fast forward to my graduation. A time where a lot sons and daughters would proudly walk the stage and get their degree, and then the entire family comes and celebrates all together. But me? I didn't care. I didn't even want to walk the stage. I just wanted to go back into my room and be away from my family. Because I knew what my mom was going to do the minute she got pictures of me in my graduation gown: post it on Facebook saying how proud she was. She never congratulated me in person. Nor did she congratulate me in person in any of my other accomplishments. She just post images online and says how she's proud of me.
After I graduated, I started dating. It was weird, but good. Dating got me out of the house and gave me a sense of control. I liked it, in a way. The part that I don't like is when my mom puts herself between me and my dates. She tracks when I enter and leave my dates house. She's saved their addresses by tracking where I went. She asks me, "What do you even do at their houses for so long?" (Basically her way of asking me if I'm sleeping around). It's weird. It's disgusting. I hate it.
This was around the time I met my current boyfriend. I could write an entire novel about how grateful I am for him. It was him that ripped the blindfold off of me and showed me how not normal my mom was being. He taught me about things I never even thought of: boundaries, saying "no", and being myself. There were some ups and downs, but I'm starting to get the hang of it. With his help, I was starting to figure out who I was.
And my mom hated it.
She wanted me to break up with him the moment she met him. She said he was too controlling for me. She said that he wasn't that good looking. She said that he doesn't have his own house and won't be able support me. She said his job doesn't make much money and is not stable (he works as an engineer in a very well known private hospital). He looks down on me because he disagreed with one of my opinions.
The more I write, the more ridiculous it sounds, but it's true. She doesn't have a single good argument against him that doesn't have to do with either his status, money, or looks. And when she thinks she has one, it's a reflection of her views on me. Because I know he would never think that of me. But my mom? She's is as nasty as they come.
Finally, I would like to finish off my rant with how quarantine and COVID really showed me everyone's true colors.
In times of crises like this, good people will try to come together and bring forth happiness. My boyfriend and his family are good people. They took me in immediately. There was not an iota of distrust from the start.
In times of crises like this, bad people will separate and divide themselves. They hoard. They lie. They take and only give if they get something back. My family are bad people. When I ask to visit my family for my sister's birthday, my mom said I have to live by her rules. I was fine with it because obviously a pandemic was happening. I would quarantine myself in my room for 2 weeks (only to come out and celebrate), and then I would leave the next day.
I followed her rules. I never came out of my room only unless necessary. But it's still my fault because I don't come out and try to bond with the family.
Let's not forget that I told her a week in advance that I was coming for my sister's party, and when I arrived, she told me there might not be enough room for me. Let's not forget that she tried to make me sit in the corner of room and eat off a small table while everyone else ate together as friends and family away from me. Let's not forget that I'm the only one she told to wear a mask, but all her friends didn't have to.
Don't get me started on how my mom lied to everyone about her stimulus check. She told me that she filed me as independent, so I should keep an eye out for the check. She even asked me every so often if I ever got it. I never got it. She never got it either. About a month later, my uncle (her own blood brother) asked her in passing if she got the check yet. She said no. THAT SAME NIGHT, she mentions about the check to me. I ask her if she got it, she said yes like as if I was stupid. They had the money for a while. I was obviously confused because I never got mine. I ask her again if she put me down as independent. Nope. She put me as dependent. I confronted her about it, and she just brushes me off saying that I don't know what I was talking about.
Nice to know that my own mother will lie to me about money as well.
submitted by SaltyCereals to raisedbynarcissists [link] [comments]


2020.09.24 16:35 zincmagnesium8 Second chance for ex who lied about being on Grindr?

TL;DR: Dated guy I was crazy about for 4 months. Saw him on Grindr (which I wasn't too upset about because we weren't official) but he lied about it until he had no choice but to come clean, so I dumped him because of the lie. Considering reaching out to him because I miss him so much.
Sorry for the long-winded story ahead, but I'll try to give as accurate a description of my situation so that it's clear what exactly went down. Sometimes small details can change the whole story.
I started a long distance relationship with a guy at the start of lockdown. I met him through Tinder and instantly was attracted to him. This is really rare for me as I am notoriously picky in the men I date. Because of the distance and Covid restrictions, I was unable to see him for the first two months of dating. We messaged each other every day. We did weekly video calls which lasted hours. When restrictions were lifted we went on four dates together. Each of these went on for the whole day, and a couple of times he stayed overnight.
We were really falling for each other. At one point we had a very brief talk about if we were seeing anyone else. We both said no, and I think we both said we deleted our dating apps. This was just a casual "by the way" conversation so I can't really remember the details.
This next part may seem irrelevant, but it comes into play later on. On our last date we spent the whole day together and ended up in my apartment. I was expecting my flatmate home any minute and was a bit nervous about him coming in. I'm very reserved about my dating life and I just didn't want him to walk in on the two of us on the couch and not expecting him to be there. So when I heard my flatmate come in, I quickly ran out to "warn" him that we were there. Then the guy I was dating asked me if he should leave. I kind of hinted that maybe it would be best to avoid any awkwardness, and so he did.
Then he goes quiet for the next three days. I was the last to message him and he never replied. This was very unlike him and I started to overthink, suspecting he was going to dump me. I reinstalled Grindr and my heart sank when I saw him on it. Instead of jumping to conclusions, I gave him the benefit of the doubt and just messaged him to see where his mind was at (without mentioning seeing him on the app). He said he was feeling off for the past few days and apologised and that he wanted something serious with me. The next day I saw that he deleted his account.
I felt better after this. We never explicitly said we were exclusive, but him deleting his account gave me a bit of comfort that he was just browsing out of boredom. A few days later we were supposed to meet up but he said he wasn't feeling well and couldn't. I believe he was very hungover because he said he was out the night before.
There was still a slight doubt in my mind so I went back on the app and found he had created another account! I was very foolish and decided to message him, pretending to be someone else with a stock photo from online. I felt so upset about seeing him on the app that I needed to know what his true intentions were. As we got talking, the fake me asked to meet up and he agreed. We didn't set a date, but he said he would meet later that week.
I rang him (the real me!) later that night ready to confront him, but when I got talking to him he started to express his doubts about the relationship. He said that the last time we met he was going to ask for us to become official, but had doubts when I 'shooed' him out of my apartment. He also mentioned that the long distance might be an issue. This caught me off guard so I never mentioned Grindr. We both had a think about things overnight, but the first thing the next morning he messaged me saying he was so sorry that he had doubts and that they were unfounded. He said he was overthinking things and that he truly wanted to make it work. I believe he was being really truthful because how heartfelt his messages were. He even said that he was going to introduce me to his parents the next time we met. I also checked the app again that morning and he had deleted it.
I finally plucked up the courage to discuss the app with him that night, just to clear it out of my mind once and for all. I started off by saying that I didn't mind that he was on the apps as we weren't technically exclusive, and I just wanted to know if he was committed to being in a relationship. I was still on the apps maybe 3 weeks before this so I could understand seeing as we weren't official. But when I asked him, he denied it! I think I caught him off guard and he instinctively denied it being him. He even said that it was someone else pretending to be him. I was 70% sure it was him, but there was a slight doubt in my mind that he could be telling the truth.
We met up again to talk about it and he denied it was him again. I went away to think about it, but then realised that some messages on the app were exactly like he would send in messages to me. I had no doubt in my mind then and gave him an ultimatum to tell me the truth or I'm gone. Finally he came clean. Again I was willing to look past it, but I said to him that he needs to tell the whole truth to me. The moment there's a single lie that would be it, we would be over. I thought that would fix things, but then he lied about a small detail. I asked if he was on the app at a certain time of the day and he said he wasn't. I don't know why he lied as it was so insignificant. And it wasn't like he would have forgotten as it was so recent (and was the day he deleted the app so he would have remembered).
So I broke up with him. We had a few messages afterwards and he said he was really sorry. He didn't want things to turn out this way and said he never felt this way about anyone ever before. He said he made a stupid mistake and dug a hole that he felt he couldn't get out of. He admitted that he was wrong and that I was right to end things.
It's been a couple of months now and I can't stop thinking about him. There were some traits about him that I didn't like and with any other person it would bother me (like oversharing on social media), but with him it's different. I don't know why. I've only been in one serious relationship in my life and that was 7 years ago. I truly thought this guy was going to be the one and I feel like I've thrown the chance away by breaking up with him over something that could have been worked through. I date guys pretty regularly but 99% of the time I don't go beyond the first date. This was the one guy I clicked with in many many years.
I've gone no contact for about 6 weeks now but really want to reach out to him. Am I crazy to do it? Is it worth giving him a second chance? He may not want to even talk to me given how I broke up with him, but is it worth talking to him at all? I'm starting to think that my response to him lying about being on Grindr was an overreaction.
What do you think?
submitted by zincmagnesium8 to askgaybros [link] [comments]


2020.09.24 07:31 whydoihave4cats Study tips you probably haven't heard and that actually work (for me, at least).

There's a TL;DR at the bottom, friends.
Hello! I'm sitting here, minding my own business, studying away, when I realized that in my five years of university education I've amassed a handful of ADHD friendly study tips. Most of these I created for myself or adapted from things I read online. Typically, I hate study tips because they are the same 4 or 5 repeated over and over: take breaks, get enough sleep, don't cram, etc. These are not those. They are probably very specific.
Also I'm doing this before I forget or as a study break so I apologize in advance if it's not ~aesthetically pleasing~.

Notes
I, personally, rarely used to look back on my notes. Dense paragraphs of text regurgitated from the book were of absolutely no help to me. Hence, I have come up with a few strategies on notes that work for me.
The first is that I write a majority of my notes in Crayola Supertip Markers. I will copy down exhibits from the textbook in marker and write down little explanatory notes that are below or in the caption directly on the diagram.
I find it very difficult to connect explanatory concepts to the diagram unless I do this. For example, I just copied an exhibit from my textbook that involved a flow chart of sorts. I used different colours for different sections so that I could keep the arrows straight. Then, when I was reading the explanation, I added clarifiers directly onto the flowchart. Now it's an easy reference for problems that apply this flowchart model.
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Second, I don't take notes during class. I find they tend to distract me more than keep me focused and I absolutely never refer to them. I find that doodling is a much better way to keep my brain paying attention to what's being said. If the professor says something I actually think I'll need, I jot it down around my drawing. I ensure I date everything in really big letters with chapter titles so I can refer back to it if I need to.
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Third, this is for people who don't know when to put the pen or the highlighter down. I make my note-taking materials hard enough to reach/use that I won't pull them out for every little detail. However, easy enough I don't give up entirely.
For example, if I'm reading an e-book, I'll read it in full screen with a word document open behind it. That way, it's inconvenient to exit full screen mode or change what I'm looking at it so I won't write down everything. However, if something really strikes a chord with me, I'll take the time to write a note on it. For the class I'm working on currently, that's usually formulae or reminders to refresh the meaning of a word/terminology I keep coming across but feel uncertain about.
Organization
Get organized as soon as the semester starts. I find it helpful to have all my due dates for all my classes somewhere I can access them in chronological order when I feel scattered. My solution to this (for this semester) is ToDoist (which I highly recommend if you're willing to put in start up time).
When I am overwhelmed with due dates I constantly feel like I'm forgetting something. It's very helpful to have one place I can find everything that isn't the syllabus.
Put everything that has a date attached to it together. If you need to have a chapter read by a certain date, put it in. If you need to get practice questions done, put them in.
I have previously done this with my syllabus' and a stack of 8x11 pages and my handy dandy crayons markers. I have done this with a word document. The key is that it is big, colourful, and easy to read.
A quick note on ToDoist
To get organized with Todoist, I had to spend about a week or so adding things and organizing. I like planning more than actually doing the thing so it's a fun activity for me. Idk what to tell you if you can't stand planning or organizing.
I made a project for each of my classes. I then made a section within the project for each week. I then went through the syllabus and put every single thing that had a date in there. I did this for each of my five classes. Now, when I look at "upcoming" on the app I can scroll through and see what I need to be working on. It shows me all classes so I don't need to check and recheck each syllabus to ensure I'm not missing anything.
I also tagged everything with "assignments", "assigned reading", "due dates", "exams" so that I can further sort what I need to be doing.
If anyone wants more info on how to utilize ToDoist for ADHD, let me know.
Making the brain do the thing
This tip you probably have seen everywhere. If you can't start, lie to yourself. Tell yourself you only have to do two minutes. Sit down with your homework. Set a timer for two minutes. If you barely survived the two minutes, then let yourself off the hook. More likely though you got started and that's the hardest part.
If you find yourself reading and re-reading the same paragraph over and over, stop, breathe, and then read the sentence out loud, fully processing each individual word.
I'm a fast reader. However, when I can't focus, I can usually get myself to zone back in by reading out loud and/or focusing on the individual words in the text.
Try multiple strategies if you can't focus. Each day is different and your brain is different. What helped you focus yesterday may not help you focus today. I have a ton of tools in my arsenal to help me focus. Identify what works for you and add it to your tool belt, but don't rely on the same tricks every time.
Music can be an excellent tool to getting yourself into a flow state. I'll usually start with Ariana Grande's music because she's my favourite artist and I love bopping while studying. If that's too distracting, I'll switch to something I like but don't get super invested in. Personally, studying is a great time for me to try new albums because I don't know the lyrics so they don't distract me. If that's not working, I'll try lo-fi, classical, or binaural beats. I'll switch it up until I find something that works.
Make studying as enjoyable as possible. I know we all have our limitations in this area (financial, spatial, etc) but hear me out. The more you like your study space, the easier it is to sit down and do it. For me, this means lots of colourful pens, pencils, and highlighters. It also means wall calendars. I need things to be easy or I will give up. I need things within arms reach. My textbooks and notebooks live on my desk. Not on a shelf or in a drawer. I could very easily access a ruler or financial calculator.
I also splurged and bought myself my dream computer. Now I love sitting down to study because it means I get to use my shiny new toy. I know that's not financially feasible for a lot of people, but if it is for you, it can be well worth it. Mine is a desktop and I find that's been instrumental in getting me to my study space. Otherwise, I tend to move to the couch to study and that leads to naps.
Last, you've probably heard this one for projects but it's also very helpful for reading. Divide textbook chapters into digestible chunks. I've done this in a few ways, depending on how much I need to get me through a chapter. The easiest is I'll see how many pages in a chapter and divide that by ten. Then I draw boxes on a piece of paper and label them, (like pg 2-4). Every time I complete that little section, I colour in the box.
I've broken chapters down into as small as 20 chunks because the reward of filling in the box can be motivating enough to pull me through even the dullest of material on the worst of days.
Dealing with distractions
The main thing I do here is write things down. When my brain hits me with the "why did people domesticate cats" or "I wonder if there has ever been a serial killer" in my city questions, I write it down on a notepad near me. Part of the urgency I feel to look things up is that I know if I don't do it righthtatsecond I will forget. If I write it down, I will no longer forget it. Usually I look at it later and go "who tf cares tho???"
However, sometimes the only way to deal with it is to give in. Like I did with this reddit post. I couldn't get it out of my head no matter what, so I decided to just go for it and write it.
An extra special tip for zoom lectures
Since this is the year of ye olde plague and most of our classes are on zoom, I've discovered the only way I can pay attention is to do something tactile while listening. I attach my bluetooth headphones to my computer and I will clean my entire house while listening to a lecture. Or, I might do some sewing, embroidery, or crochet. Those tasks are enough to keep my brain focused on what's being said and not wandering around.
I have tried sitting and listening. I can't do it. I'll end up on wikipedia every time without fail. Or on my banking app. Or making a grocery list.
I think those are all my tips. If I think of more I'll add them below.
TL;DR
I didn't proofread this don't come for me I have ADHD and I need to go back to studying.
submitted by whydoihave4cats to ADHD [link] [comments]


2020.09.24 07:30 ThrowRA-after-use GF (32f) and I (33m) struggling to make it work

Alright reddit. looking for some serious advice, as I feel like I’m drowning and can’t keep my head above water. sorry for the long post, but this one has layers, like an onion. Forgive formatting or mistakes. I haven't slept in a few days now.
I (33M) don’t know how to proceed with my gf (32f) of 1.5 yrs.
A bit of background information about me. I do not have a very strong relationship with my parents, and my siblings and I are not particularly close. I had a very abusive childhood growing up, with a lot of physical and mental abuse. I moved out of my parents at 13 and have can count the visits since then on one hand. I am close with one of my aunt and uncles than I am to anyone else in my immediate family. I have been in one relationship prior for 8 years. She cheated on my 3 time in our first 6 months, broke up with me shortly after our 2 year to sleep with a co-worker, and I took her back three months later, where we spent another 5 yrs. together. it ended when she cheated on me, tried to spin it as my fault, and told me to get out of her life. I ended up with nothing (lost my house and jeep to her), was basically homeless for 3 months in the middle of winter. After a few years in a really dark place, I finished school and started my life over again, basically by moving across the country. And while I can confidently say I am over her; she still haunts my dreams sometimes. I had been single from 2012 until beginning of 2019. And by single, I mean no relationship of any kind, serious, casual, or one off. I was very alone and had tarted to really think I was never going to find anyone.
Background for her: She has been in and out of relationships from mid to late teens, and has had multiple abusive relationships, where she has told me stories of being locked in bathrooms, physically assaulted, sexually assaulted, mentally abused, you know, the good old classic crap. Her last real relationship was about 2/3 yrs. long from 2015-2017, and that ended when her partner at the time basically caused both to lose the house they bought together, and both declared bankruptcy. She was in a bad accident in late 2017, which left her with some physical impairments, but also with some cognitive issues. small things like memory issues, and cognitive troubles with complex concepts. She dated a few guys between beginning of 2018 and beginning of 2019, and again, had a few bad experiences (guys cheating on their gf, stalkers, physically abusive, etc.). She also says that she has ocd, and can be very particular about a variety of things, and sometimes gets et off by the smallest of things (for example, if I put a cup in the wrong cupboard, she becomes very upset)
Ok, now the topic at hand.
I moved to my current city in the later half of 2017 to pursue a job opportunity that was too good to turn down. I really liked my job, was for the first time in my life self sufficient and paying down debts, paying rent, buying groceries, and still had money put away/saved. But I was very lonely and experiencing some existential issues about being over that fabled age of 30.
I had some friends and coworkers tell me that I should try online dating, and after some convincing, and threats by coworkers that either I make a profile or they would do it for me, (I guess I’m still a bit old school, as I had always tried to meet females irl, as opposed to online). I downloaded bumble and made a profile. nothing really happened beyond a few girls who struck up some conversations, and exactly 2 coffee dates that were excruciatingly painful to experience, and the most awkward movie date in the history of mankind. And that’s when I matched up with my GF, in the later half of 2018. We chatted back and forth, and it went from chatting on bumble to exchanging numbers, and texting back and forth. It was the first time in years I had connected with someone that was very much showing an interest in me.
Now, we made plans to meet up on the weekend or coffee but didn’t set a time or place. And I was excited for this, as she also expressed, she was too. 2 days before we were supposed to meet up, I lost my phone and all my contacts, and as I don’t have social media, was unable to contact her. I was gutted. We didn’t meet up. I spent the next 6 months half heartedly using bumble, mostly focusing on my job, and I had started a part time program at university. I don’t know what I expected, and I just chalked this up to my seemingly never-ending bad luck. I thought about her every so often, and lamented the fact that we hadn’t met up, cuz I felt we had really connected.
Fast forward to Feb 2018, and I had recently created a new bumble on my work phone. I’m swiping through profiles, and I see hers. So, I swipe right, and she swipes right. But as the trick with bumble is, I have to wait for her to initiate conversation. Which of course, she doesn’t. I was a bit sad, but hey, that’s what happened. I see her a second time, and of course, I swipe right. She lets the timer expire. I see her a third time, swipe right, but this time, I pay to extend the timer to a second day. And she initiates conversation with "I guess I should talk to you since we keep matching". I immediately tell her the circumstances of what happened to my phone, apologised profusely, and told her that I understand why she may not want to talk to me, but at least I got to tell her what happened as opposed to her thinking I’m just an asshole. She doesn’t really say anything for a bit, and then tells me she vaguely remembers me, and that she wasn’t sure how much she had told me about her accident, but she had been excited to meet me, but couldn’t remember why. I told her I remembered about her accident, and I was more than happy to start over, and then I reintroduced myself. We started chatting again. And this time, I made damn sure to set a time, and place. We met up Easter weekend, 2018, for what was supposed to be coffee and a half hour walk, which turned into us walking for two, and then standing by our vehicles talking for another hour and a bit. I liked this girl. I wasn’t put off by any of the physical ramifications of her accident (very predominant facial scarring), and despite the very slight but sometimes obvious cognitive impairments, I really liked this girl, and none of that mattered. I went to Easter dinner on cloud 9. I was planning on waiting until the next day to mssg her, but she texted me saying she had a lot of fun. I texted her back after dinner saying I had as well, and that I was looking forward to hanging out again.
We texted a bit back and forth as per usual, but then she sent me a string of texts that took me a bit by surprise. The told me that she thought I was a great guy, but that she wanted to start a family, and she felt she couldn’t didn’t want to waste the next few years dating as she felt her age was creeping up on her, and that while she was sure I would be a great parent, she was going to go forward with a plan she had to get pregnant: sperm donor.
I was a bit taken aback, and shocked, but I told her that while I was sad about the prospect of us not seeing where we could go, that I understood her pov, and while I didn’t want to be in a relationship with her if she was going to use a sperm donor, I did wish her all the best, as I liked her too much want to be "just friends". She seemed a bit taken aback by my response, especially with how positive I was in the "if that’s what you want, I hope you all the best" tone and language I used.
I carried on with my life, expecting to never hear from her again.
In May 2018, she sent me a text saying she had just ordered pizza, and was watching a movie, and that the pizza had reminded her of me as we had had several lively debates on the best pizza toppings, place to order, and type of pizza. I texted her back and asked what type of pizza and where she had ordered from, and we texted a bit back and forth, and she asked me if I wanted to come over, eat some of her pizza, and "hang out". I told her that I still respected her wish of a sperm donor, and I didn’t think it was a good idea to start something when she had her plan and I didn’t want just a one night. We chatted some more over the next day and a bit, and I ended up at her house that Friday to watch a movie and eat pizza. We ended neither eating pizza nor watching a movie, but sitting on her house steps talking, eventually going inside and continuing the conversation. It was getting late and I was getting ready to leave when we started fooling around and ended up in her room.
I ended up spending two days at her place, and then we basically hung out 1-2 times during the week, and then most Friday to Saturday for the next 4 months. There were a few hiccups, and some serious conversations, focused on what was it we were looking for (we settled on that while we were not dating, we were casually monogamous), and an instance where she became upset and thought I was ghosting her when I had spent an entire day studying for school and then writing an exam with my phone off. That situation started with her telling me to come get the few things I had left at her place, and ending with me explaining to her what had happened, and that if she really wanted me to come get my shirt and two bottles of alcohol, I would. There were also some really great high, like where we spent 4 hours fixing my truck, and she made the comment "we did this without fighting, that means we are a good team", me wishing her a good weekend as she went off with friends to go camping (which she got weird about, because I didn’t have an issue with her doing things with her friends, as her exes always had issues) an extremely fun camping/hiking trip, and when she discovered a kitten stuck 10 feet high in a tree, and insisted that we had to go back and recue him. Incidentally, this kitten rescue was that moment watching her scale a tree, where I fell in love with her. She had such big heart and was kind a caring. I felt physical pain when she told me some of the horror stories, and for the first time in 7 years, there was a human I really really reeeeaaalllyyy wanted to spend all my time with this ridiculously goofy red head.
August rolls around, and she asks if it was ok if she went to go visit some family about a day drive away. I told her yes, go for it, send me picture. And she seemed weird about it. I tried to do a bit of tactful digging, and I found out that the last time she had gone to visit, she took an ex, who had physically assaulted her when they had gone together to visit. She hinted at wanting me to come with her, but I told her that she should get some time to herself, visit family, and I wasn’t going anywhere and would be waiting at home for her. I got the feeling she didn’t know how to handle this response, but I assured her, to go have a good visit.
Before she left, she spent the night with me, and there was some debate about whether she was in danger of getting pregnant from our night. She went on er trip, got her period, I wasn’t worried, and was very much looking forward to her return. She was gone for 11 days, and in that time, I had managed to score her some tickets to her favorite sports team for when she got home.
She got home and I went to go pick her up, and she had been day drinking, which wasn’t a big deal as I knew she had been. It was quite comical, and she seemed to be very happy to see me. I was very happy to see her as well. We went back to my place, and I gave her the tickets, which shocked her, and we spent the night together. In the morning we were still in the mood, so we went at it again. It ended with me having to fish a broken condom from inside her and taking a trip to get a morning after pill. She took the pill in front of me, and things were fine.
Things were good and we were falling back into our routine of seeing each other 1-2 times a week and spending weekends together. Then several things happened all at once in the middle of September.
1 - I had a family member fall deathly ill
2 - I had my manager at my job start to openly target me at work
3 - she was late.
I found out very end of September, she was pregnant, which as she so eloquently put it one morning "I’m pregnant, sorry for ruining your life".
At this time, I had also started working for a branch of the government that required weekend schooling for 3 months. things were busy but ok, and we had the typical should we keep it or not conversation, and what does this mean for us. Ultimately, she shut down any other conversation and would not discuss any other option outside of keeping it. I was not in the mind set to have a kid at this point in my life, and I tried to express this as appropriately and like an adult. It was through these conversations I found out that she had had an abortion previously and had had an ex of hers force a miscarriage, which she did not elaborate upon. At the end of all the conversations, she decided for both of us that we were keeping the baby, despite my concerns on my shaky job status, my part time gov training, my sick (and possibly dying) family member, her low paying job, and our unstable financial forecast (she was still dealing with her bankruptcy, and I was trying to pay down debt). Despite my objection to this, I told her I was there for her and the baby, and if this is what was happening, then I would be there.
By middle of October, I was unceremoniously fired without reason, and my family member had taken a turn for the worse, and I had to fly back home on a this could be it type visit. Going back home saw me must drop out of my weekend training, as I would no longer be able to make the time commitment. I was back home for about 14 days at the beginning of Nov. While I was gone, I tried to keep in constant communication with my GF and let her know everything that was going on. I was under a lot of stress and pressure, and I am sure this showed. As per usual, the visit back home did not go well due to family dynamics, and that added to the mix. I was back home for 3 and a bit week, before I once again flew back home fully expecting to be attending a funeral. The three weeks I was back with my gf were super stressed. I was incredibly torn about losing my job, and in typical fashion for my life, was getting fucked on my EI claims b/c I had taken a severance package. The three weeks were tension filled, and my gf was super argumentative. I chalked this up to pregnancy hormones, tried to be as understanding as possible. I was back home until end of dec, where I flew home because my gf was upset that I would potentially miss Christmas. The entire time that I was visiting family, she was insistent that I was cheating on her, and had convinced herself that I was. I kept reassuring her I would not do that and that I wasn’t. She barely believed me. The day that I got back my gf picked me up at the airport, but she was super reluctant to pick me up, and was super upset that I was "making" her come pick me up. My alternatives were to cab (super expensive for someone with no job) or take public transportation (which would mean 2+ hours to get home), and she wanted me to spend the night with her either way. We got home, and she had been super cold and distant, and super withdrawn on the ride. I again chalked this up to pregnancy hormones and being grumpy. We spent the night together. The next day I woke up feeling under the weather, and within the next few days, I became extremely sick. I figured that my daily hospital visits of 10+ hours a provided the perfect storm for me to pick up something. I was sick until about the 28th of December, bedridden, with a chest cold that was the worse I had ever experience. I spent the entire time at my gfs place, missing her family Christmas day/dinner. My gf picked up whatever I was sick with and ended up also getting sick. And we were sick right up until new years.
New years eve, she was very argumentative, and I suggested maybe we needed to get a night away from each other, and that I would come back on new years day. She became upset, and proceeded to have an emotional blowout, that included her accusing me of cheating on her when I went back home, being a pathological liar, being secretive because I have a passcode on my cell, as well as accusing me of purposefully getting her sick by staying over so much. I tried to talk to her rationally, but every time I would try to talk to her about what she was saying, she would say I was just trying to confuse her, and that I was lying, and that she was unhappy with me. Through out the conversation, it became clear that she was resentful of my rationale for not having a child, and she said that she did not want me around or that she was not happy. I tried to talk to her, to find out what I could do to help, but she was upset, hostile, and swinging to an extreme level of anger and frustration. I told her I would come back in a day or so and she would not have any of it. I ended up staying but slept alone on the couch. I was very upset about this, because that was not how I wanted to spend my new years, and her extreme swing into scorched earth anger was of grave concern to me.
The next few days were extremely tense. I was wondering what was going on, as my gf had basically gone to the extreme of, I want you out of my life. She had said a lot of things in anger, and did not want to discuss it, as "you’re just trying to make me the bad guy and use your big words to confuse me". I tried my best to be understanding, level-headed, and particularly avoided being argumentative, but I would also calmly explain my pov, feelings, or try to explain and reason with her.
Things for me were looking grim, as by this point, I had finally gotten EI, at about 35% of my (modest) salary from my previous employer and had been applying to 2-3 jobs min a day trying to land anything. I had started walking my GFs dog daily to try and help and was trying to help in other areas as I was able to. However, I was constantly accused of "sleeping all day, not trying to get a job, wanting a salary that was too high, eating all the food in the house". Fairly frequently I was cooking dinner and trying to make my rapidly getting more pregnant gf as comfortable as she could get. She was also hit with very bad fatigue but would refuse to nap or rest because that "is just a waste of the day". From Jan to April, the accusations became more wild, and would range on any day from I was cheating on her in her bed, to I was lying about working out, or my job applications. Blow outs over miniscule things became almost daily, and she would constantly be emotionally unstable. When I would try to ask her what was wrong, she would get further upset and tell me that she shouldn’t have to tell me. Anything and everything would set her off, from me doing the laundry at the wrong time, putting dishes in the cupboard wrong, to having my shoes crooked on the mat. There were certain things she kept bringing up, even after I had apologised for them. An example of this was I jokingly said that I would have to return the baby if it was not the gender I wanted. I was clearly joking, and told her I was, and apologised for it. But was constantly having this brought up in her blow outs. There were several things that would constantly be brought up, and if I would try to explain or reason with her, her default became "that’s your opinion, you’re just trying to make me into the bad guy".
With the high level of tension, what was a sex 2-3 times a week dynamic turned into long stretches of no sex, as well as no physical contact since my return from visiting my family end of December. In total 9 months of pregnancy, we had sex 6 times, with going as long as 60+ days between sex. I made a point of not pushing or pressuring her into any sort of physicality. The few times we did have sex, it was always on her initiation (s the case was if I initiated she would get angry), and it was typically her walking up and indicating she wanted sex, and would become upset if it lasted longer than 5 minutes a she didn’t "want to have sex for a long time".
On her behest, and b/c despite her mood swings I was still spending most of the time at her place, I moved out of my apartment and into her place in March of 2020. We split the rent and bills 50-50. Mot of my stuff is boxed away and being stored in the basement, but despite splitting bills, having my stuff in common areas caused her to have blowouts as I was being "messy and making clutter on purpose". To stop arguments, everything, including my musical instruments which I would try to play daily, have all been packed away and are in the basement.
After I moved in, things were a bit calmer, but not by much. At this point, covid was also starting to really affect a lot of things. My gf made the comment one night that we should go get couples therapy, and I said I agreed. But b/c of covid, we would have to wait. Most of April was pretty much like the rest of her pregnancy. Constant anger over little things (like if she dropped a spoon, she would have a full on freak out over it, she was constantly road raging for peoples driving, most often times not warranted, etc.), with a lot of the discussions we had swinging to extremes on her part. Typically, something as innocuous as me misplacing kitchen items would escalate to her screaming how unhappy she was and how she was over this relation ship. The few days that her anger was kept in check were extremely enjoyable, and we did manage to decorate the baby’s room, and build crib and furniture.
Our baby was born in May. And it has been a rough 4 months. She has had several intense blowouts, including one 2 weeks after birth where she was screaming at me to take the baby and get out of her life. Since then there has been 3 or 4 blowouts, typically with her losing her shit over something super small and going from being upset about miniscule issues to her throwing the entire relationship into the I’m done, and I don’t want this anymore. However, every time it gets to this, I calmly ask her, so what do you want to do? And she says she doesn’t know. Accuses me of making her into the bad guy, and never seems to have a solution.
We are still on a waiting list for couples counselling, but covid is causing delays, and she refuses to do zoom or phone calls with the therapist.
There have been some other things that I feel are contributing to the mix.
1 - she has anger issues, and is projecting passed trauma through anger
2 - someone has been harassing her since feb, via text, email and fb. The messages are typically sexually abusive, and/or are always saying I’m cheating on her. we have some theories on who it could be behind this, but nothing we can prove, and as the police have stated, there’s little that can be done. However, she now has accused me of cheating because I made the bed and it had wrinkles on it, there were some condoms in a drawer (which were so old they predated our relationship by 5 years), I have "secret" conversation on my phone, etc. She has even gone so far as to tell me she doesn’t even care anymore if I am cheating, which hurt me immensely, as I am not and haven’t never cheated on her.
3 - she is holding a grudge as she has voiced her opinion that her pregnancy was made "a living hell" by me and that I was purposefully trying to be more of a burden. When I pint out the domestic chores, or the fact I regularly tried to help with her dog, she says I’m "throwing that in her face" and that it doesn’t matter. I have apologised for any burden I may have inadvertently caused, and she says she’s too angry to accept that. When I ask for specific examples of what I did so that I can try to change my behaviors, she says she "can’t think of any examples off the top of my head".
4 - I did try to register for bumble biz during my initial job search, but registration was a bitch and I never completed the process. She saw the notification on my cell and immediately assumed I was cheating, and when I calmly explained what it was, she insinuated that I would make up something like that on purpose.
5 - We haven’t had sex since middle of July, we haven’t cuddled since end of dec 2019 (any time I tried to cuddle her during her pregnancy she would refuse saying I wasn’t allowed to cuddle her), we haven’t kissed since end of dec 2019, she hasn’t given or allowed me to give head since August 2019. During her 9-month pregnancy we had sex a total 6 times. and 3 times since baby was born.
6 - she very harshly talks down to herself and cannot take a compliment. If I tell her she looks pretty she makes a disparaging remark about herself. Something as simple as me saying she has a nice but is met with a slew of self hate about her body.
7 - I picked up a 4-month contract job end of July, and the uncertainty of employment is stressful.
8 - I have been working 9-hour days, and then I have been taking the baby for 2-5 hours dependent on the night. She has an expectancy that I take the baby to "give her a break". My daily routine has been waking up, walking the dog, working, using my lunch break to give her a break from baby, finishing work, and then watching the baby after. This is burning me out. I am also doing gov training once a week and trying to wrap up one of two remaining courses in my school (which would lead to better employability, and better salary). I am always happy to watch my kid, but I feel that the expectancy for me to do so is not taking into consideration everything else that’s going on. She is on mat leave till next may.
So, all that is basically the history leading up to last night.
I got home from a late shift, and I have been feeling super down about a bunch of things. The night before she had insinuated, I was cheating on her because she found a strip of a condom wrapper in our laundry hamper. I tried to calmly explain that the last time we had had sex I had thrown the wrapper on the floor and probably scooped it up with the laundry the next day and it was most likely sitting there for 2 months. She called me a liar, and I even showed her the pack of condoms that had only the one used by us. On top of it all, that specific condom brand is too small for me to use comfortable, so we have avoided using them. She did her typical brush off, and I went to bed angry and sad. So last night just as I was wrapping up my shift, I get a text message asking, "are you even coming home tonight". I respond that I was, and I got home. I asked her if she had a few minutes to talk, as I needed to talk to her about how I felt. She grudgingly turned off the tv and told me to talk as she started to scroll Facebook. I asked her to put her cell down, which she finally did. I then calmly told her how I was burning out, and I felt like I was being held at an arms length, and that I needed to know what was going on with us, and with things. She has recently started talking about buy a house, and with her recent bankruptcy she is not in any real position to buy by herself. Also, her earning potential is capped in her current job but she has no desire or intention to leave. My earning potential hovers around double what she makes. I mentioned that I was having doubts about looking at houses, and that I needed to make time for my school and training, which meant that the next 2 months I wouldn’t be able to take the baby every day after work for multiple hours. Well she got indignant, and she got mad at me, saying I don’t try to do anything to help, and that I made her last year a living hell, and that I’m getting my needs met elsewhere so why do I care at all about our relationship. I tried to calmly talk to her and stressed that this is how I’ve been feeling. As with the last few conversations, she swung to "I’m so sick of this relationship" and told me that she didn’t feel attracted to me. I asked her what she wanted to do, and she said she didn’t know. She then told me that I can go ahead and find someone else to fuck, and that she thought our sex sucked anyways because I didn’t typically cum fast enough for her. I explained I had no desire to have sex with someone else, and she basically said that she doesn’t want to sleep with me again. I then asked her what we were, where we in a relationship still, did she see us as single. And she told me she doesn’t know; she feels that she no longer has a spark with me. And then she mentioned that we needed to talk to a therapist to figure out what to do. this all left me very sad, and I slept less than 45 minutes over the course of the night. This morning she insisted she drive me to work and pick me up as well. She was amicable throughout the day, and this evening she has been in a good mood. This typically happens after she loses her shit.
I feel like I’m drowning. I feel the loneliest I have ever felt. I am at the point were I don’t want to go to her family Sunday night dinners, partly cuz her brother is newly engaged and I feel very jealous when he and his gf are being a typical engaged couple, and I don’t want to become more connected with her family, as that’s another painful loss during a break up.
I am unsure what I should be doing. Should I try to get to counselling, in the hopes that it helps? Or am I spinning my tires here, and I can’t see the forest for the trees? I love her, very much, and I love my kid. I don’t want to be in a situation where its split custody and I get every second weekend. I am also deeply saddened by the thought that she could replace me with another man. I honestly have never thought I would ever have a family, and now that I do, I don’t even know if I will have it come Christmas time.
I am sure there’s so much smaller nuances I missed but that’s where I am at.
What is the best way for me to help her? Is this relationship salvageable? How can I fix it? I want my child to grow up with a traditional family.
TL; DR
Started dating a girl. She got pregnant. Her demons don’t play nice. Haven’t been truly intimate coming up on a year. Is counselling even a helpful hold out. Drowning.
submitted by ThrowRA-after-use to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.09.24 06:37 jrflat 5k Time Trial - 4 Months of Progress! (23:00 --> 17:57)

Like many, I took up running during quarantine, logging my first Strava post exactly 4 months ago. Back then, my baseline 5k time was ~23:00 (8mph on a treadmill with a sprint at the end). Today, I just achieved my goal of a sub-18 5k!

Race Info:

Goals:

Goal Completed?
sub-17:40 (Optimistic) No
sub-18:00 (Realistic - Main Goal) Yes
sub-19:00 (Safety) Yes

Splits:

Mile Time
1 5:42
2 5:39
3 5:59
3.1 5:46

Background:

19/M - I played lacrosse and soccer for many years throughout high school, but never ran for just the purpose of running. The past two years in college I focused heavily on lifting, never really running except for the occasional pickup soccer game. In February, my roommate and I had a bet to see who could run more mileage in a single week. We went from running 0 miles a week to each logging 40 miles in a single week. This ended in a cordial tie, with each of us having pushed our body to the limits. I really enjoyed that week of running, but schoolwork and Coronavirus had me focused on other things for the time being. It wasn't until I came back home to Colorado and started running in May that I fell in love with it.

Training:

My original goal was to run a marathon and to get my dad to run it with me. We both signed up for the 9/20 Tunnel Light Marathon, a nice downhill course in North Bend, Washington. My (optimistic) goal was to run a sub-3 marathon and qualify for Boston. After a couple weeks of building slow mileage, I looked for a sub-3 marathon training plan online. They were all pretty similar in terms of content, so I picked one that was laid out nicely and went to work. Unfortunately, after 5 weeks or so, the marathon was canceled due to Coronavirus.
This left me unsure of what my next goal would be. I stopped following the plan and was only running around 4 times a week. Still, I kept running, and I spent a lot of time running at higher altitudes (9,300ft+) in Keystone, CO. I also took up biking, spending a lot of time biking up and down the trails at Keystone as well as taking a day to bike up Pikes Peak with a friend.
A few weeks ago, I started focusing more seriously on the 5k, and set a goal to run sub-18. I tried following the last few weeks of Ryan Hall's 5k plan, but with school starting and me spending more time biking, I was only averaging around 20-25 miles/week. Still, I knew I could hit the sub-18 mark, and I wanted to do it on the 4-month anniversary of when I started running.

Pre-Race:

Felt good throughout the day, university classes are all online so the day was pretty light. Drank a bit more coffee than usual, made sure to eat carbs throughout the day, and stayed hydrated. Had a bit of stomach troubles right before I headed out (probably from the extra coffee), but it didn't end up being a problem. Did a quick dynamic warm-up, jogged a little over a mile to the starting point, and did a few quick pickups to lock in the pace and get the heart rate up. I re-tied my shoes, had my 180bpm playlist bumpin', and I was ready to go.

Race:

The weather was amazing. The sun had gone down and the air was cool with just a slight breeze. I felt great starting off and immediately locked in to a ~5:45 pace. I was really enjoying that tingly feeling you get when you're in sync with a good song, and I rode that feeling for the whole first mile. I was very happy seeing the 5:42 split on my watch, and while it was slightly faster than I planned, I was feeling great.
In the second mile, I picked the pace up slightly, hoping to have negative splits the whole way. My breathing was getting heavier and my legs were feeling a little tired, but nothing unusual for the middle of a 5k. Towards the latter half of this mile, however, was when things changed. About 1.7 miles into the course, the terrain changes from road to gravel (no bike lane so I'm forced to take the gravel trail alongside the road).
This is where things got difficult. I still finished the 2nd mile at a 5:39 split, which I was happy about, but keeping the pace on the gravel was significantly harder. My legs were already tired heading into the 3rd mile, and with every step I could feel my feet slipping slightly on the gravel and wasting effort.
A couple more obstacles also contributed to a very painful mile. The trail is single track width in most areas, so to avoid running into a man and his dog I hopped across the side of the trail and down onto the road before crossing back on to the trail. Only a minor detour but my legs were not feeling it. Then, there was a pickup truck that came off the road and parked on the trail. Again, only a little detour off the side of the path, but not ideal for the finishing stretch.
Despite dropping to almost a ~6:20 pace in the middle of the third mile, I began to pick it up towards the end, finishing the 3rd mile in 5:59 and pushing into the final 0.1 at a 5:46 pace. With this, I barely broke 18 minutes, but nevertheless I accomplished my goal and set a new PR at 17:57.

Post-Race:

I could barely breathe, and I had a crippling pain in my upper-right abdomen. I walked it off and sat down for a minute before my dad came to congratulate me, pick me up, and take me home. Looking back at my splits, I'm not too happy with the slowdown for the third mile, but it's good motivation to keep training and focusing on race strategy.
Looking forward, my next goal will be the sub-17 5k. I got a group of friends together and we're all planning to follow the full 10-weeks of Ryan Hall's 5k plan, starting next week. We'll have a little friendly competition to see who can knock the most (%) time off their 5k at the end of the 10 weeks, and I'm really looking forward to it :)
submitted by jrflat to running [link] [comments]


2020.09.24 04:30 BladeRunner2098 How does anyone even meet organically anymore? I'm feeling completely hopeless at dating prospects.

In the modern world, people are so accustomed to being able to "pre-screen" anyone online, especially with dating site profiles. It's gotten so bad that any kind and genuine attempt to interact with a stranger is met with you being thought of as a creep. The only places this is somewhat normalized is at bars or clubs, but those aren't the kinds of people you want to date, long term especially. Due to the thirst and desperation of men, they wouldn't think this, but understandably women do think this the other way around.
So what option does that leave you? The toxic cancer branded as dating apps. There's a reason why they always have the same people on them year after year. Every so often a gem may pop through, but good luck. I'm considered to be an attractive guy, to the point where I've had people think I'm fake. I have my own place and vehicle, can cook, have other talents, and work out regularly with a healthy diet. Overall a good personable personality because I believe in being good to others. This isn't be tooting my own horn, just the person I've worked my butt off to become. Even I struggle to attract desirable people. I filtered my local search results to not included obese people or ones with kids and the results came back almost completely empty. The other few? Hookups, poly couples looking for group sex, and women trying to promote their Onlyfans. I live in a decent-sized city too, so I tried out other popular dating apps only to see the same crowds, but smaller. This isn't me being pessimistic or unrealistically picky. This is terrifying.
Before you chew my head off for my preferences/standards, know that I have reason. My city is spilling at the brim with single mothers. Why don't I want to date them? Been there, done that. You learn to love and become attached to their kids and vice versa, only for the relationship to end and have them torn out of your life forever with no legal right to see them again. It hurts too much. I don't mind a little extra and most women I've dated have been around that frame, but there's a huge difference between a little chub and flat-out obesity. I don't find it or the unhealthy lifestyles of it attractive. I want to date someone who cares about their body, health, and appearance. Same reason I don't want to date alcoholics, addicts, or people with zero ambition. Polyamory? I don't believe in it or find "ethical non-monogamy" to be ethical. I don't have any desire to share my partners or be shared. Women simply looking to hookup are unattractive to me because I know the second they hit the wall and/or pop out a couple kids from some deadbeat they'll finally be looking to "settle down" and ask "where have all the good men gone?". I've managed to date a number of them and they couldn't be faithful to save their lives. I detest sex work and the unhealthy culture it's created so it goes without saying I have no interest in dating sex workers. No, you can't be"faithful" while spreading your snatch on camera for strangers. Die mad, but I am more than allowed to have traditional preferences. None of this is asking too much. The fact that normal is no longer normal is also scary.
Can't date co-workers without risking losing your job should things be sour or causing drama. Not to mention anyone worth dating is already happily taken or in long terms. Even when they become single, reliable and safe is boring, so if that's you then you have no shot. How about clubs? Same thing. I'm in a number of different social groups from community theatre to charity work, and it's the same situation. Older, younger, it's the same story.
Had a seemingly amazing date last night with a girl who claimed to "not be about that hookup life" and we talked for hours because we had a bunch of obscure stuff in common, watched old 50s movies, and she said she had a "great night" before having to go home. No s*x, but she kissed me. I felt I maybe found the ideal match, and guess what happened? Within 2 minutes of leaving she ummatched me and blocked my number. I am completely dumbfounded.
How the hell do people do it? How can you organically meet someone without these horrid apps? I feel like I've done everything but nothing good has come up. This is starting to feel like a hopeless endeavor.
submitted by BladeRunner2098 to dating_advice [link] [comments]


2020.09.23 21:23 ar_david_hh Sep/23/2020 news: \\ education reforms: Armenian language \\ liberated Anvakh outpost \\ MFAs clash \\ Armenia-Saudi relations \\ job & salary stats \\ real estate grows \\ EU sends $ \\ BHK officials \\ Amulsar activists \\ police & cadastre reforms \\ mask ads \\ Yerevan vs illegal construction

"the importance of the newly liberated Anvakh outpost"

The govt released a video: in July, without a single shot, Armenian soldiers took the [Anvakh] position that was under Azeri control. It has long been a big security threat to nearby residents of Armenian Movses village. Although this position is within Armenia, Azeris attacked it but were thrown back.
Why is Baku taking the loss of this position so painfully?
First. This has left an important Azeri outpost on nearby Mt. Kharadash vulnerable because the only road that leads to it is under Armenian observation; it's right next to the new Armenian position.
This Azeri outpost on Mt. Karadash, which is now isolated, is very important for Azerbaijan because it's the tallest point that oversees several regions in Azeri Tovuz province, and Armenian Chinari village.
Second. There is a growing nationalist movement in Azerbaijan, and since Aliyev couldn't retake the lost position, it damages his reputation. The Azeri govt has fallen in their own trap that they set by making militaristic threats for years.
https://youtu.be/u-afISbc2vA
https://factor.am/285974.html

Azeri media is accused of word game / MFA Lavrov

Armenian MFA says: // Russian MFA Lavrov made a "standard" comment about the Karabakh negotiations, the 5 regions, etc. Azeri media twisted his words and presented them in a one-sided way. //
Russian MFA later told reporters to read their direct quote instead of its interpretation by a third party [Azerbaijan].
https://factor.am/286099.html , https://factor.am/286136.html

Armenophobia in Turkish newspapers

Hrant Dink foundation examined articles written by 500 Turkish newspapers in 2019. They found 5,515 instances of hate speech towards 80 minorities.
Armenians were the primary target with 803 instances, followed by Syrians with 760, Greeks with 754.
Yeni Akit, Yeniçağ Diriliş Postası were the worst offenders.
https://www.azatutyun.am/a/30853923.html

will the relations with Saudi Arabia normalize? / Signals sent / Middle East expert talks Turkey-Saudi-Armenia relations / Salman's Vision 2030

Azerbaijan, Turkey, Yemen, and... Saudi Arabia? These are the Asian counties without diplomatic relations with Armenia. Saudis are among those who won't befriend Armenia due to the Artsakh conflict for the sole reason that Azerbaijan is a Muslim state.
However, Saudis sent congratulations to Armenia on Independence Day on Monday. At first King Salman, then the Defense Minister. They wished "progress and prosperity" to Armenian people.
This is the second time they've done so. The first message was in 2018. The mutual trade remains low, however, at "few hundred thousand dollars a year."
 
Economist and Gulf states expert Minas Hanskehean explains: there is a significant and sharp shift in Saudi foreign affairs in favor of Armenia. There is a geopolitical confrontation between Turkey and Saudi. Erdogan wants to revive Ottoman "rules" and present himself as the Sunni leader, but Saudis don't like this.
Saudis had good relations with Qatar, then Turkey sent soldiers to Qatar.
When I was teaching economics to Saudi students in Riyadh in 2015, at the time, Turkey was viewed as a great, successful, and a model state. Then it all changed in front of my eyes. Riyadh's mayor directly instructed Sheikhs not to invest in Turkey because "Turkey is robbing you on daily basis." The most popular state-run newspapers would print anti-Turkish articles daily.
 
This isn't the only reason why Saudis want to normalize relations with Armenia now. It's part of their new strategy to make new friends, including in the Caucasus. They subsidized tourism to Georgia; it would cost Saudi citizens as little as $300 to travel there.
Saudis will celebrate their national day on September 23rd. Armenia should not only send congratulations but also an invitation for Saudi MFA or the Prince to visit Armenia.
The Armenian diaspora is very small; around 300 people. Mostly migrated from Syria, Lebanon, other Gulf states, and a very few gold experts and teachers from Armenia.
 
There is rapid social progress in the country. Prince Muhammad bin Salman wants to change the public mentality. It wasn't just allowing women to drive that they have done lately. It's part of their "Vision 2030" which also envisions Arabia without oil.
They want to dedicate land size of Armenia to develop tourism. They spend astronomical sums to import food, but our products aren't in their market. We should improve relations and establish a trade office in Riyadh.
https://www.civilnet.am/news/2020/09/22/Սաուդյան-Արաբիան-փոխում-է-Հայաստանի-հանդեպ-նախկին-քաղաքականությունը/395710
https://www.civilnet.am/news/2020/09/22/Սաուդյան-Արաբիան-երկրորդ-անգամ-շնորհավորեց-Հայաստանի-Անկախության-տոնը/395681
Tags: #SaudiArabia

China's new embassy in Armenia

"China wants to strengthen relations with Armenia," said president Sarkissian who was invited to the newly built Chinese embassy, which is the largest in the region. He discussed technology and science cooperation with China.
https://youtu.be/Gb_J47DI_z8?t=60
Photos: https://armenpress.am/arm/news/1028521.html

U.S. company wants to build a global center for technology solutions in Armenia

High-Tech Minister Arshakyan met the American SADA Systems founder Hovik Safoyan, who wants to utilize Armenian tech talent. Details about the project will be revealed soon.
"This is like fresh air, a new approach that has not existed before. The government sends a signal that Armenia is not a country for charity, but a center for creating new companies and opportunities through mutually beneficial cooperation," said the founder.
https://armenpress.am/arm/news/1028520.html

how post-Soviet dictators prepare their sons as next leaders

Russian blogger Varlamov made a video about how dictators of Belarus, Azerbaijan, etc. involve their sons in politics and slowly prep them as their successors.
The video mentions how BKH leader Gagik Tsarukyan gave 4 white lions as a gift to Nikolay Lukashenko (son of Alexander Lukashenko), how Ilham Aliyev changed Azerbaijani law to promote his family's power and how he "advertises" his son Heydar, how Tajikistan's dictator's son was recently elected as the Parliament speaker, etc.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JZG0h0q76YA

speaking of Gagik Tsarukyan...

His "voter buying and financial crimes" trial was supposed to be today but he didn't show up "despite being notified". The judge could have continued the trial without him but he chose to postpone it until September 25th.
(There is a big opposition rally on October 8th and the ruling QP party earlier accused Tsarukyan of trying to match the rally date with his trial for more "impact".)
https://armenpress.am/arm/news/1028516.html

BHK MP Naira Zohrabyan's interview w/Russian outlet

Lragir writes: // BHK MP Zohrabyan is complaining that "Vestnik Kavkaza" Russian-language outlet twisted her words. She had to call them to demand a correction. "Is Zohrabyan even aware of this outlet's anti-Armenian record?"
In the interview, the MP also told the outlet that it's the Pashinyan administration who caused a deadlock in the Karabakh peace process and that it has no vision for resolving the conflict. This was actively used as propaganda by Azeri media. //
https://www.lragir.am/2020/09/23/580702/

police arrests environmental activists after fight

Police report says: // we got a call about a big fight in Gndevaz (not far from Amulsar, where Lydian wants to mine gold). The environmental Activists berated miners who expressed willingness to mine in Amulsar. Mamas were cussed.
Both sides gathered near Gndevaz to "talk". It escalated into a 40-minute physical and verbal fight.
One of the Activists then threw a rock at the oncoming car's windshield and broke it. His friends followed suit. Items were gathered as evidence. Three Activists are under arrest. Stay calm and respect others' rights. //
https://factor.am/285924.html

journalists criticize a court ruling / "bad precedence"

A group of media outlets: // Lori TV reporter was assaulted in 2017 while documenting how construction crews were laying asphalt under the rain.
The court verdict to acquit the suspects [due to lack of evidence and statue of limitation] is disappointing. They had twisted the journalists' arms, punched her, and deleted the footage. This verdict sets a bad precedence. //
The journalist will appeal the verdict.
https://armtimes.com/hy/article/196417
https://factor.am/285963.html

Armenian State University of Economics board

... decided to suspend classes until their acting-rector Diana Galoyan is officially approved by the govt as a permanent rector.
The previous rector was forced to resign after an Education Ministry agency found plagiarism in his doctoral dissertation. His replacement, Diana Galoyan, was also caught with plagiarism, but another Education Ministry agency overruled those plagiarism findings to give her a green light.
Her approval process hasn't been finalized yet. The university wants it done ASAP because they like her and "she is apolitical and independent."
https://armenpress.am/arm/news/1028544.html

police reforms

Recently the govt passed a bill to create a new police division with better-trained officers, better equipment, uniform, etc.
Someone has to teach those recruits. The future teachers are currently being taught how to teach the recruits. They are being aided by the U.S., EU, UN, and OSCE.
https://armenpress.am/arm/news/1028542.html

real estate market is reviving

Property transactions dropped during the pandemic's uncertainty and hardship. Looks like it's active again.
Cadastre Committee chief: +6.3% YoY property transactions in August. The lifting of physical restrictions helped the rise. +39% in rural areas. +7% in provincial cities. Yerevan had fewer transactions, however. The prices are -1%.
https://armenpress.am/arm/news/1028530.html

reforming the online property database system

Cadastre Committee will revamp the website and provide easier access to property locations. The street naming scheme will abide by the same rule so you won't come across a difficulty with finding "Khachatur Abovyan" but not "K. Abovyan".
More: https://armenpress.am/arm/news/1028545.html

COVID stats

+2256 tested. +220 infected. +350 healed. 268322 tested. 3617 active.
Artsakh president's spokesman David Babayan is infected.
https://armenpress.am/arm/news/1028499.html , https://armtimes.com/hy/article/196404

mask-promoting ads

The govt has purchased ad space on 40 billboards for 1 month to display ads that promote the wearing of a mask.
https://news.am/arm/news/603710.html

Norq Hospital employees to be rewarded

Norq infections hospital played a major role against COVID. They didn't receive special rewards on September 21st, unlike some of their colleagues. They sent a complaint letter to the govt.
The govt responded saying over 100 Norq Infections doctors will soon receive the awards, in addition to 12 who got it earlier.
https://armenpress.am/arm/news/1028533.html , https://factor.am/285909.html

Artsakh sends gifts to the U.S.

Medical products made in Artsakh were donated to the Chevy Chase surgical center in Los Angeles, which has a history of helping the Artsakh population.
https://armenpress.am/arm/news/1028539.html

Asian Development bank will provide $2m aid

... against the COVID fight.
https://factor.am/286126.html

Europe will provide $35m aid

... to reform the judicial system.
https://armenpress.am/arm/news/1028575.html

Europe will give another $35m aid

This one is for overcoming economic difficulties caused by COVID.
https://armenpress.am/arm/news/1028577.html

IRS provides job and wage numbers

There were 618,000 taxpaying jobs as of August, which is up 5,000 from last month, and up 13,400 from last year.
Salary-per-job-position went from $390/mo to $420/mo.
https://armenpress.am/arm/news/1028538.html

Yerevan is being sued by ex-oligarch Lfik

Mayor Marutyan has been recently forcing ex-officials to free public lands that they "illegally occupied" with "illegal construction".
Ex-HHK businessman Samvel "Lfik Samo" Aleksanyan is now suing the capital to cancel one such decision that affects his structure on Շրջանային փողոց.
https://factor.am/285981.html

new bill could end the legalization of bootleg roof extensions

Those disgusting-looking things that people build on their apartment complex building roofs for "extra room"... currently they can be legalized.
A draft bill by Justice Ministry could keep them illegal.
Interview with an architect: https://armtimes.com/hy/article/196250

education reforms / Armenian language

The opposition ARF, BHK, HHK, Hayreniq are against the upcoming education reforms and have accused the Education Ministry of anti-Armenian conduct and "destroying traditional values, Armenian language, History, etc."
Education Ministry: // the proposed reform will increase Armenian Language class hours from 650 to 718 in Elementary, from 850 to 863 in Middle, and from 500 to 571 in High school. //
The reform bill is still open for suggestions on the govt website.
https://www.e-draft.am/projects/2560/about
More about the bill: https://armtimes.com/hy/article/196356

Armenian Language & Armenology classes

... are now being subsidized by the Education Ministry in twice as many foreign educational institutes, per 2019 reforms.
10 schools and universities in 8 countries are receiving financing to teach Armenian language, history, and culture.
The first-ever joint Armenology research was subsidized with two European institutes.
https://armenpress.am/arm/news/1028498.html

birth registration reforms / less runaround for parents

The Justice Ministry reformed the law about issuing a birth certificate. Beginning in March, seven birth clinics enrolled in a new program to establish one unified office on their premises that will provide several services such as birth certificate, child aid enrollment, paternity certificate, etc.
The program will expand in provinces soon. It has already helped 3.7k out of 5.3k babies born in Yerevan since March.
https://armenpress.am/arm/news/1028491.html

Le Dîner de Cons / now in theaters near you

Armenian-French producer Francis Veber created movie classics such as Dinner With Idiot (The Dinner Game), Խաղալիքը, Ձախորդները, Հայրիկները.
On the scale of 0-10, zero is the chance you haven't seen at least one of them. But why not watch a performance in person?
Vanadzor's drama theater will perform The Dinner With Idiot, directed by Sargis Manukyan. He believes the public needs some comedy after the pandemic.
More: https://armenpress.am/arm/news/1028492.html
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Francis_Veber.
 
You've read 2105 words.

Disclaimer & Terminology

1) The accused are innocent until proven guilty in the court of law, even if they sound guilty.
2) Currency in Armenian ֏ unless specified otherwise.
3) NSS/SIS/SOC = law enforcement agencies. QP = Civil Contract Party. LHK = Bright Armenia Party. BHK = Prosperous Armenia Party. HHK = Republican Party. ARF = Armenian Revolutionary Federation Party
4) ARCHIVE of older posts by Idontknowmuch: PART 1 ; PART 2 ; PART 3 ; PART 4 ; PART 5.
5) ARCHIVE of older posts by Armeniapedia.
submitted by ar_david_hh to armenia [link] [comments]


2020.09.23 18:28 CyrusWaugh Speak Now (2010) All Songs Ranked

It's time for part 3 of Appreciation Week and we've finally enter the Speak Now era of Taylor Swift's career. I can tell online, and from my friends perspectives this is a fan favorite, so when I do my ranking don't get triggered about it, for all I know my opinion could be the exact opposite of yours, which is a good thing, but lets be intellectual about this rather than emotional. This was a weird time imo, the mainstream sound of music was in the R&B party anthem phase, where groups like The Black Eyed Peas and LMFAO thrived, given this new wave, Speak Now definitely felt like the odd one out in terms of sound. Not to mention creeping slowly was the bro era of music, so while I do hold this record to a high regard it feels out of place timeline wise.

14. Better Than Revenge
To sum up my distaste for this track, is pretty simple: I'm not a fan of alternative rock, so this isn't going to be my cup of tea, but still its a fun time, where she takes a jab at Camilla Beller, in a way its a sequel to Forever & Always from the previous record on the Joe Jonas breakup, I can't help but feel awkward listening to this, but keep in mind these are really personal issues for me, there are some who crave this sort of storytelling and instrumental style, the second verse definitely kicks things into high gear for me though when she tries to show their perspective of her, and it is well done, overall I think the song gets a little too repetitive, they could've made the song a little shorter to eliminate that issue.

13. Story Of Us
Pretty similar thoughts here, the style of this music isn't for me. But unlike Better Than Revenge, this song definitely needs to be this length, the progression feels so smooth, and this is why I don't date someone in the same class, sport or job, because if/when you break up it is extremely awkward, and that awkwardness is captured here, there is a lot to like about this song, no I don't hate this song, I just have some problems with it, I'll let you know when we get to the record where there are songs I genuinely dislike. If punk/alternative is your style, then I'd recommend this as a fun middle lane for you.

12. Haunted
That opening with the orchestra is so bombastic, so provocative, I love it, I think my number one issue with this song is that it relies too much on the chorus, and could use more verses given this song is 4 minutes long. From what I've gathered this has to do with guilt of wanting to be with someone you've been cold to. And even though she's with someone new, she can't help be reminded of this person. I think its pretty good in terms of messaging as she takes a hypocritical stance, of leaving someone in a dramatic manner, and overtime want them back to finish what they started. This could've used a better storytelling perspective, but the bombastic production makes it hard to realize that issue, the music builds up so well by the bridge, so instrumentally it is way up there, and it just has the short end of the stick when it comes to the writing.

11. Sparks Fly
I think metaphorically, this is a little disjointed, while I get what she is saying when she compares herself to a house of cards and he's a rainstorm, they are two completely different thing so this could've used a small revision. From what I've heard, this song actually went through several revisions both lyrically and instrumentally, they cut out the banjo to get a more pop-rock sound and from a business sense, I respect the decision, she was getting bigger and bigger and she had to keep up with the times, fiddle, banjo and steel were becoming less prevalent to casual listeners who adored her. So they began experimenting with sounds and melodies, melodically they nailed this but I can tell there was a shift in quality for the writing and instrumentation of this track.

10. Mine
Crucify me for not putting this higher. I think this is the catchiest track on the record. But it really feels formulaic to me, and I'll argue lyrically the last 2 records inspired the modern Nashville writing style, I'm not saying Taylor's done it as bad as they did, she is light years ahead of them, but her style of narrative definitely carried into acts like Thomas Rhett, FGL and Luke Bryan in later years. My favorite lyric is you made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter, production is a little bit of an issue with the multiple vocals going on at the same time, I'm honestly just nitpicking at this point as the rest of the record from here on out is top tier.

9. Speak Now
Speak Now is one of those songs with unique perspectives that I adore. About a girl crashing her love interests wedding, the word play is on a whole other level. Saying all that's wrong with this bride, its all so vivid, from a dress shaped like a pastry, to snotty relatives dressed in pastel. The storytelling flows smoothly, minor lyrical changes work wonders, it may seem so small but it can move mountains in the writing. However this song does make the same Dustin Lynch mistake, by rhyming girl with girl, I must hold a standard for myself as amazing as this song is, that is a no for me. But everything else about the song rules for me,

8. Enchanted
I know I made an issue of too long songs but this and rest of the long tracks are an exception. The beauty of the songs is expressing the message through not just the lyrics but the vocals, about when she met this person who "enchanted" her (idk else how to describe it) and she never saw him again, and the only way this person can realize this song is about him is the word: wonderstruck which apparently was used in one email she received from him, you get all these emotions of franticness to doubt to hope. One of the best bridges in any of her songs. Enchanted captures all this emotion and the length helps express that. It is an exceptional power ballad, telling what could seem like an insignificant story to something so captivating.

7. Back To December
Yes I'm an uncultured swine for not putting this in the top 5. It's her swallowing her pride, rather than giving what I assume to be Taylor Lautner the Joe Jonas treatment she is actually being mature, and this is a prime example of her turning the page from the high school narrative that dominated the last 2 records. And she goes back to December several times, playing it through her mind over and over. How she compares the seasons to her relationship with Lautner, how fall was beautiful and when winter came it turned her cold. I think this doesn't have the right emotion in terms of vocals, this is a pretty small issue for me personally, not really something technical. It's the biggest hit of the record no doubt, and really shows off her maturity from the last record. I love the song regardless of my arguably nonsensical issues.

6. Mean
What can I say, the acoustic work is amazing, I was going to put this at #2 or #1 but I knew I should be objective, also might I add, I always here this song in a cracker barrel, I legit have not been to one that didn't eventually played this song. It is one of the only genuine country songs on this record, she could've easily kept this as an album cut as she kept experimenting more and more with pop sounds, I'm glad this was a single, and it was huge. I'm sure we've all dealt with A-Holes and instead of going low like them, its best to take the moral high ground and be patient, because eventually you'll rise higher than them. I love the way she pronounces pathetic, it may seem small but I find it freaking hilarious. It is my favorite track on the record, and while I recognize the quality of the top 5, I'll probably still play this song more than any of them.

5. Long Live
Long Live is a dedication to her fans and curiosity of where she will go from here, it was the dawn of new decade, music was changing drastically, and the age of jamming to a song with a fiddle like Zac Brown Band, Brad Paisley was fading. Its her appreciating how she's come so far. When she's done making music she hopes people will remember her fondly, and this song didn't really age well as during the Red Era, was probably when she face the most brutal of criticism, for her being too nice, or fake, and she doesn't deserve any of that. Long Live while not holding up to the dreams envisioned is still a great reminder of looking back to what made you what you are which is very empowering.

4. Innocent
If I remember correctly this was written in response to Kanye West ruining what was supposed to be one of the greatest moments of her life. How stardom really can change someone, and as she continues to rise in the music world, she'll try to stay the same, and deep down she's still innocent, now in terms of her, that is not true in the slightest, but in a positive message towards others this is really compelling., and she highlights how flames turn to embers, if you lost your way, its never too late. The buildup to this beautiful ballad is amazing, her vocals are clear, and this ironically is one of the only times she's take the moral high ground when it comes to addressing rumors and insults towards her reputation, because later on she would get ridiculous and bombastic but we'll get there soon ;)

3. Last Kiss
I think this is either the last or one of the last songs directed at Joe Jonas, and unlike the last 3 they aren't centered around bitterness, this is just sincere and regretful, its a snow globe of brief happy moments with hints of neglect. She just misses him after all the songs saying how terrible he was or his new girl was. Vocally it is heartbreaking, and yet feels like a mature satisfying ending, not really a happy ending for both of them, but she realizes this is for the best, she was beating a dead horse at this point and its good putting this drama on a shelf. No more, forever and always, no more better than revenge, just moving on which was the right thing to do as she went on to better places. Another case in point of her taking the moral high ground rather than the fun sassiness I love to see.

2. Dear John
This track is nearly 7 minutes long, the longest out of any track in her discography , I could fit two songs in here, that's crazy. Now this may or may not be about John Mayer, no one really knows for sure, so I'm not really going to use that as context, its really about dating someone who emotionally neglects you, trying to be with this person. but they always make it worse as she describes he makes sunny skies but shortly makes them rain, and she tries to play his game but he always changes the rules, the wordplay is arguably the peak for this record. How this person is an expert at sorry and keeps the lines blurred, whenever Taylor isn't bitter, she reaches a state of writing so good yet rarely seen. I feel like people might put this one lower because of its outrageous length and might skip it, but for me this song is unskippable, every moment is so captivating, and if you're anything like me seek this song out, it is some of the best she has to offer.

1. Never Grow Up
I love Never Grow Up for a lot of reasons, its simplicity, its stripped back production, whenever its just her and a guitar, I know its an instant classic. It brings up the fact most people when they're little take their childhood for granted, we all have a bombastic dream like run for president, or an astronaut, and we can't wait to grow up, but growing up we realize those years was the time to be alive, where at least I had more freedom and now I'm entering the cold brutal world. And the overuse of the word Up may turn you off this track, but I find it secretly brilliant, this is the best vocal track out of the entire record. How money and fame is a lot and everyone wants it, she expresses everything truly important to her will be gone one day, which is her family, they are more important than anything which is a wholesome value everyone should have.

So those are my thoughts on Speak Now, how would you rank them, and now we get into bubblegum pop country phase of her career with her 2012 record Red.
submitted by CyrusWaugh to CountryMusicStuff [link] [comments]


2020.09.23 17:30 Hto215 How I Passed Security Plus With No IT Background

This is really long so I apologize in advance.
For those of you that are about to take the test, reading posts like these is what helped me pass.
I don't have an IT background. I was in the military and my job had nothing to do with IT. I blindly applied to a DoD Help Desk job and the recruiter told me I should get Sec+. After a lot of on and off I decided to go for it. I studied almost exactly 3 months. But looking back could've probably done it in one month. I was laid off 12 weeks and should've studied for it in that time, instead I started studying the day I went back to work full time. Work definitely got in the way of studying. I recently left my job and decided to buckle down and just sign up for the test. I bought a voucher that expires Sept 24 so I would stop dragging my feet and force myself to take the test before that date. Again, I had already been studying on and off for about three months but wanted to nail everything down pat.
Here are my methods:
Read the Kindle version of Darril Gibson's Get Certified Get Ahead (GCGA). This was a great book. For someone that had no clue about computer stuff, he makes it easy to understand. I enjoyed reading it. I didn't think it was dry and the Simpsons references were nice. I scored a 34/75 on exam at the beginning of the book. I wrote down all the Remember This sections of the book and reviewed those and the end of chapter reviews after finishing the book. Highly recommend if you're able to learn from a book. I believed I scored an 84% on the test at the end.
I bought the app to go along with the book. It was $8.49 from the app store for Android. Unfortunately the app crashed every time I used it but I made it work for my study purposes. I let the publisher know. Apparently it had to do with my phone model as they had not heard of that issue before. I have a Motorola G6. Anyway that app was helpful when it did work so I highly recommend.
After finishing the book I pulled up the exam objectives. I know I should've done that first thing. I realized that I didn't know half the objectives. I think it was that I didn't remember everything I read. In fact when I referred back to the book for certain things I honestly didn't even remember reading certain sections. That's why 3 months is too long to study, well at least for me. You start forgetting things. Anyway I listened to Professor Messer's YouTube series while making notes on the objective list. His course was good and for those of you that learn well from video, that's probably your best choice.
I purchased Prof Messer's study notes and practice exams. The first two exams I scored a 77. The third one I waited on and scored an 83. I retook all the exams later on and scored in the low 90s/high 80s.
I also bought Jason Dion's new 65 question practice exams that came out a few weeks ago on Udemy. I realized how much I didn't know or remember from the book. Directory traversal!? Wth is that? I got a 72 and a 68 on the first two exams. This is considered failing because an 80 is required to pass his exams. So I googled directory traversal and Mike Chapple's video series came up.
So I watched Mike Chapple's video series. I liked that he walked you through things like how an XSS and XSRF attack is done. He also demonstrated lots of command line tools. This definitely helped me understand those things is greater detail. Although some of the video topics were very dry. I took like 100 pages of notes while watching the videos. Did I retain everything? Certainly not. I recommend this series if you still need more study after reading GCGA and Prof Messer.
What's weird to me is that not everyone covers every single topic, whether it's the book or the video series I watched. This is why it's important to use multiple resources.
For the hands on portion, I followed the labs from GCGA. Although my Kali Linux VM never worked the way it was supposed to.
I went back to Dion's exam and passed the 3rd one with an 82. Nice! I took the 4th exam and scored a 78 I think.
The day before my exam I studied for about 9hrs. I used a Google doc that someone wrote up here on Reddit. It covers all the exam objectives. To whoever that fine person is, thank you very much.
Link: https://www.reddit.com/CompTIA/comments/hcv3sp/passed_security_2_hours_ago_with_844900/
I took Dion's 5th exam and scored a 78. So I only passed one exam. I was panicking and looked on reddit for answers. Turns out many people score in the mid to high 70s on his exams as still pass the actual exams. In my opinion, Dion's exams were perhaps tougher that the actual exam, probably because they cover stuff beyond the exam objectives. I think I'd still recommend them, there are lots of log questions and I didn't know much about reading logs before doing those exams.
If you really want to have an exam quality test, I'd say Prof Messer's are the way to go.
Total cost of study materials:
The book on Kindle: $10
The app: $8.49
Prof Messer's notes and exams: $40
Dion's exams on Udemy: $12.99
=$71.48
Now for the exam. I signed up to take it online. I read a few posts that people had severe technical difficulties with that and I started to panic. I looked to see if I could schedule in person and I'm not sure if testing centers or closed or just booked solid but there were no open spots for this month or next month. So online it had to be. I was super nervous and didn't sleep well the night before. My time for the exam was 12pm. I reviewed notes for a few hours. I signed on at 11:30 took pictures of my room, which pretty much only had a bunch of house plants and a desk and then a pic of my ID. I sent those in and suddenly the PearsonVue software closed on my computer and a minute later started buffering up the test. It was about around 11:45. The proctor never said a word to me. It was almost like I didn't even actually have a proctor. I took the test over WiFi and had a little stress about that but there were no issues. Overall I was impressed by how smooth everything went, the horror stories I had read made me nervous. Also my computer is 7 years old Windows 10 and it worked fine.
The exam was easier than I expected. I don't know if I just ended up getting an easy exam. Or maybe I over studied. I was worried it was going to be really challenging based on what I read on here. There were some questions that definitely only had one answer and it was obvious what it was. But a handful definitely had multiple potential answers. I know many people say they feel like they are failing the whole time. I felt pretty confident that I was not going to fail as I knew enough of the answers were definitely right. I skipped over the PBQs and answered all the multiple choice first. I had about 25mins left to do the PBQs. Then I reviewed my many flagged questions and changed some answers. I only got through about half of them when time ran out. Which could be for the best because who knows what would've happened if I changed all my answers.
The PBQs were difficult but similar in style to what Prof Messer's were, so definitely understand those. I used every minute of the 90 minutes and had 79 questions total. I scored an 821.
I read so many post on here saying "I passed and so can you" and thought yeah right, I don't know about that. But seriously if you put in the effort to study and take the practice exams and try to really understand the material, you will pass. Big thanks to everyone on this forum, Darril Gibson, Prof Messor, Jason Dion, and Mike Chapple.
Now I'm going to be moving so I just need to find a job. Please, if you have any questions, ask away!
submitted by Hto215 to CompTIA [link] [comments]


2020.09.23 09:17 ryanman1999 [L] M21 I'm Hurt And I Feel Stuck

For the past couple years I haven't been ok. It's all a rollercoaster. I can never stay happy and I'm at the point where my depression is consuming me. I'm self destructing so fast I don't know if I'll be able to stop myself from doing something that will end up biting me back.
It all started when I had my heart broken when I was cheated on when I was 18. Maybe love isn't for me because love is like a drug to me. I crave it every aching minute but all I get is bad love. It was a LDR relationship and she was my first true love. We were dating for only 6 months until she did but fuck, all my depression just revolves around getting cheated on and mentally damaged from having my hopes and dreams of being with her crushed.
I am completely over her though. I cut all contact with her. My next relationship ended because I couldn't find it in my heart to love her. It was a couple months after the previous relationship and it did help but it didn't feel right that things never felt the same and she couldn't fulfill what I wanted.
All through 2019 and 2020 I spent single and I just felt numb. I have great friends in my life but we didn't really hang out that much because everyone was busy. I have a friend that I go to when sad but I feel like a burden because he struggles with depression and he's got real problems since my problems feel so petty compared to his so it pains me to want to go to him. I never recall feeling this low that I feel rn. I was just numb everyday. I would do some reckless stuff, like I would speed down roads to feel a little bit of adrenaline until I got a speeding ticket early 2020. 68 in a 40. It's come back to bite me because my insurance sky rocketed, but there's nothing I can really do about it now.
Covid and everything quarantining really just stirred my depression. There goes my plans on visiting my friend in NY, traveling around America and going to amusement parks or beaches. I wanted to have a summer to recover. I was actually starting to do much better in 2020 until covid hit. Online school sucked but I somehow scraped by last semester. All until summewhen school ended it was kinda low but I understood that everyone else was suffering.
When I turned 21 in June, things started to look north. My friends and I would hang out a lot more and made it almost a weekly thing to hang out and we almost played games daily online. I also started to talk with this girl I met through omegle, let's call her C. C and I got along pretty well. I was starting to fall in love with her but I was getting sad. I think the sadness stemmed from starting to feel love and I associated love to all the bad feelings I had. We ended up falling deeply in love with each other and I felt on top of the world. She made me feel special and since I'm a hopeless romantic, I fell deeply in love with her so fast. I didn't care. I finally accepted it to love someone and I loved it. We were both quarantining so we had each other to keep each other company.
Once school started for C, she stopped showing me emotion and it was hard to get love out of her. I held it in at first, but she admitted to being sad and overwhelmed about school and family. She acted differently and was distancing herself from me. I would ask her how she is, and she would say fine but hated talking about her feelings. 3 days ago I finally asked her what was up and asked why she's showing less love and she admitted that she doesn't think she's ready for a relationship and wants to stay friends.
I was broken from that. I wanted to help her but I still don't exactly know why she's sad or why she isn't fit for a relationship. I asked her twice or 3 times but she refused to answer. She used to tell me about her feelings and she would tell me personal things but now she's so shallow and distant. I'm hurt because I'm stuck. We're still friends for now and I think I'm going to ignore that she won't tell me why but it's consuming me. I know it's all her but I feel betrayed. I feel so sad. I know it's normal but this sadness is a lot more severe because my happiness was so fragile and she really was the only thing that was making me happy.
I don't know what to do from here. I used a dating app and I matched with someone and I've been talking to them now for a couple days and the girl is great but I don't feel like I'm clicking with her as well as I did with the other relationships. Maybe I'll be wrong because we've only been talking for the past couple days.
I'm afraid that it's too soon to start a new relationship too. I don't want to hurt C. I still love her and she did say she loves and cares about me still... I don't know if this will be temporary and she'll want to get back together or what the future holds. I know I can't handle just being her friend because it pains me to just hold a numb and shallow friendship with someone. I can't even tell her how sad I am right now because I feel like I annoy her when I do. I want her to think I'm doing ok.
But I'm not doing ok. I drank last night but I ended up crying for 3 hours straight. I was crying at midnight so there was really nobody to talk to. I self destructed and I posted risky tweets and it ended up causing some of my friends to DM me and ask if I was ok. I let them know what's going on but it was all the same. "Things will get better."
Today I spent the day with my friend, exploring and going to the beach and I did feel good but we had some beers. I don't think I was that drunk because I was able to drive just fine but while driving home, I decided to drive as fast as I could. I made it up to 130 mph on the highway and I was still pushing it. I was passing people on single lane roads and I actually almost wiped out on a turn. It didn't phase me at all. I spent the rest of my drive driving wrecklessly and I made it home in one piece. I went straight to my room, locked my door and bawled my eyes out. I told my friend about it but I don't want to make him anymore sad. He's the one with depression.
I'm afraid I'm going to kill myself unintentionally. There are too many people in my life that care and love me so I don't want to die but I'm such an asshole and they don't deserve me. I'm so selfish. I don't know how to get better. I don't know what's going to happen with C and I. I don't know if I should pursue this relationship with this new girl.
Thank you for reading... I just needed to get this off my chest because I don't want to be a burden to anyone else.
submitted by ryanman1999 to KindVoice [link] [comments]


2020.09.23 09:10 briantriscoli 34(M) Scorpio and 25(F) Aquarius, I’m genuinely confused as to whether our feelings are mutual.

We met online during COVID.
We started talking on Facebook, but then ended up exchanging cell phone numbers and texting or video calling (not really a lot of phone calls).
We’ve been talking about about close to 3 months now. We live more than 250 miles from one another, so it’s kind of a long-distance (idk what to call it).
When we talk
When we talk, there’s my POV, and there’s the cold and dispassionate observations to be made. In terms of the latter, responses are within the hour (usually) if via text, mutual exchanges of walls of texts, talking for over an hour each time.
When we video chat, I feel like every 5 minutes, she gives me a compliment about my looks (which I still feel guarded about and doubt how genuine that might be versus conscious attempted flattery). We always have very deep philosophical conversations and cerebral/intellectual discussions about literally anything. So comes off as openly enamored and intrigued, but appearances aside, I’m confused because some part of me wants to take her authenticity on faith and assume she’s being honest, but the other part of me is worried that how she’s really feeling doesn’t really match up.
Things that are concerning me
  1. We’ve been texting for about 3 months now. Not every single day. We had a whole week where we went on not exchanging a single communication. Usually, it’s once every 2-3 days, with some weeks almost every other day, and some weeks where it’s almost every single day back to back. Openly flirting, being totally open and forthcoming about our attraction to one another, our fascination with one another as people, past relationships, etc. (normally, my experience is that someone is either interested in you or she’s not).
  2. She said she wants to be “friends” (allergic to that word in the context of dating) first, and whatever happens happens. She doesn’t want any labels or expectations in terms of bf/gf, or to feel any kind of pressure or expectation for anything (even a text back).
  3. She’s not really as emotionally expressive as I am. Communication is extremely important to me. I make an effort to be as clear and transparent as possible with how I’m feeling towards someone. I’ll hold my heart over them and let them bathe in my blood. But with her, it just seems like her emotional range thus far is: (a) sleeping, (b) stoned/high, (c) curious/adventurous/fun-seeking, (d) flirty / taking things to a sexual direction. I never sense ANY kind of real emotional vulnerability or openness. It just gives me the sense that the way I feel towards her maybe is totally different from how she feels towards me.
  4. She has mentioned “meeting up” at least over ten (10) separate times now ... and we’ve still never met up. We have video chatted for hours, so, I know she’s not a catfish. But she’ll be like, “I can’t wait to meet you,” “When we meet,” “What if I were to drive over to you right now,” “My aunt asked me if I wanted to drive with her to [close to me], if I tag along, I’d love to meet finally meet you!” ... and yet, we still have net met. I respect how important it is for Aquarius to have her space and sense of independence and total freedom. So, when she says those things, I agree with her, and I let her know that I’ll MAKE time for her whenever she wants to meet ... and still no serious ask on her part to actually meet up (i.e., a definite time, date, and place).
  5. Because of my work schedule, my sleep schedule is very unpredictable and it messes with how well I function during the day and messed with my appetite at night. When we talk, it’s usually very late at night (like around 1am to 5am). I’m not the one who calls her around this time. She’s the one who wants to video chat with me around this time. Some days, it’s not an issue. Other days, she always catches me when I’m on a middle of the night Harold and Kumar trip to White Castle or whatever fast food place is open, really. I can’t really safely video chat with her as I’m driving, so I put the phone to the side and just talk to her over the phone. Then I pull over, and I don’t want to be rude or disrespectful, so I’ll literally park in a parking lot or pull the car over and wait until we’re done talking until I start driving the car again. I feel like she gets upset or bothered by this for some reason, and I have no idea what’s offensive or bothersome about it. Maybe she doesn’t want to come across as needy for attention, so she’s always insisting or asking me to drive home as I’m talking to her (as if it’s not late at night and my brain isn’t totally shot and incapable of even having a conversation, much less also being mentally present both on the road and with the person you don’t want to bore).
Those are really the major issues that are concerning me. I appreciate and respect the need for independence and total freedom (personal space, privacy, autonomy, etc.). Funny enough, despite all the Scorpio stereotypes, I’m not great with money, but I’m also not controlling, jealous or possessive in my personal and romantic relationships. I actually enjoy having a partner who is a free bird and being the kind of guy who can be comfortable with that.
But this emotionally detached or devoid style of communication, seeming upset or annoyed at me when I’m just trying to not be rude and show basic courtesy when we’re talking (i.e., being fully mentally present and showing her that she has my full attention; not acting aloof, indifferent or playing hard to get), and her timing and gaps in communication and being so non-committal about actually meeting up ... I almost don’t know how to feel. Maybe it’s an Aquarius thing, or maybe she’s just not really interested and was just bored and looking for male attention and some flirting ... idk.
There are definitely identifiable negatives and challenges ... but my last relationship didn’t fall apart ... it died a very slow and painful 8 year death. So, emotional detachment and lack of sexual chemistry are hard red flags for me. We definitely have sexual chemistry, which I admittedly deflect and instead try to focus on exploring each other’s thinking process, views and analysis about things, and our feelings (especially towards one another). I can tell we’ll be sexually phenomenal, so I don’t want our initial conversations to be dominated by that kind of talk. I find myself desperately wanting to be really into this girl, but I feel like I have to keep my heart on lockdown ... which makes me feel fake an disingenuous with her over this period of time ... as she takes the time and space she needs to form an opinion about me (and whatever she’s looking for with me).
I feel like it’s a total gender role reversal here, and I’m kind of starting to feel for women. “This sucks big nuts and I cannot lie, you other brothers can’t deny ...” (old school hip hop music intensifies).
I want a long-term relationship with this girl. I want to love her ... in the way that she needs and wants to be loved (not on my terms). If part of that is her genuinely needing space and a sense of independence, it may not be my personal preference or style for myself, but that doesn’t mean I can’t respect the way she is. If that’s something she needs in a relationship, it really would be my pleasure to give her that (knowing that it’s basically a way of me expressing love to her, by understanding what she needs and giving it to her, even if it’s different from my own preferred relationship style).
Really, any input is appreciated, but I just want to get an opinion about whether I should just take this as her not really being interested in me, or as this legit being how Aquarius women get into relationships.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read through some random stranger’s personal issues and express an opinion.
TL/dr: Basically, nobody is compelling you to say anything in response to this post if you haven’t read through the whole post.
submitted by briantriscoli to dating_advice [link] [comments]


2020.09.23 04:27 borednightnurse1990 Smile! You’re on camera! 😂

Currently working on a project regarding fellow females asking about whats life like in the military as a female. I plan on it being a series that i would then plug in this page and anywhere people want to see it. To those of you who requested them, please bear with me as i seem to be suffering from an extended period of stupidity writer’s block. In the meantime, enjoy some funny shenanigans.
I mentioned some details about this story in the comments section of a post in militarystories. I sanitized it as best as i can, so sorry for any potential disconnects that may have resulted.
Unknown date, time, and location
Nah. Just fucking with ya. I was in my work breakroom just killing time till i have to go back to work. Part of my job description involves defeating lock mechanisms, rather uhm, explosively. A part of me has always been curious what its like to defeat them like a proper villain.
So i got a set of lockpicks online. Its a small 15?25? piece beginner’s set. I had just gotten past the couple of Master brand locks i owned and was currently working on defeating an Abus brand lock.
It was in this state that my immediate boss found me when he walked in to get some coffee.
Boss: hey. Didnt know you pick locks. Btw, dya have a permit for that?
Me: uhm. No?
Boss: hate to be that guy, but consider this a verbal counselling then. Break in tools are regulated and required to be registered and anyone who wishes to possess them must have training certification and licensed by the (our federal level of government). Failure to do so as a civillian is a criminal offense. Failure to do so as a military member is conduct unbecoming and subject to disciplinary actions. Your disciplinary action today will be this verbal counselling. Understood?
Me: yes sir. I will fix this right away.
Boss: good. Ah. Before you put that away, mind doing me a favour?
Me: huh?
Boss: i just filed some important paperwork with MY boss. He’s already gone on personal leave and i just realized i fucked up some details on a couple of them. (Not a career ender type of fuck up, but definitely resulting in a loss of face for him since he just wasted his boss’ time if he had to redo less than ideal paperwork.)
Boss: think you can use those tools of yours to open his office and get those papers for me?
Me: uhm. I dunno sir. I just got slapped on the dick by my boss for using unlicensed tools.
Boss: do me a solid and ill make it worth your while.
Me: okayyyy. Im trusting you sir.
Deed done. Months passed by, never saw any record of that verbal counselling on my personnel file. I thought that was the solid he promised me. Until one day when he called me to his office.
Boss: here’s some paperwork. These are temporary detachment orders. You’re chopped on detached duty to (Some school. Its the school where our federal and military LEOs take on advanced fieldcraft and investigative training). The current crop of trainees are currently in their field phase. You will sit in with them and train with them, and audit their classes for the remainder of their training. Once done, their instructors will give you certification papers, a locksmith/lockbreaker license, and a permit to possess those handy dandy tools of yours. You wont be able to get the qualification for their actual training course, but youre not a cop anyway so it doesnt matter. Plus, it will raise some eyebrows if i push too hard on sending a (my trade) to cop school. Thats the best i can do for that solid you did for me last time. We even?
Me: fuck yeah. Were good sir. Might even owe you a beer for this.
fast forward to cop school.
I learned more than i bargained for. Oh. My. Gawd. Picking locks is the least of what i expected to learn to do. First off, i was expecting to go there and be a student. I never expected that i was sent to the “advanced” class. Teach the teacher kind of thing. Amongst other things, i also learned how to:
-jump start cars manually like how they do in movies
-high risk search techniques that only super advanced operators in my job are qualified to do
-crack a basic safe
-pick pocketing
-surveillance and counter surveillance techniques, both mounted and dismounted
-in person and online information gathering
-social media sleuthing
-evasive driving maneouvres
-aggressive driving maneouvres
-PIT maneouvres and J turns
-close protection techniques
-how to modify regular clothing and accessories to hide anything you want
But those are boring stuff. I also got the chance to chill and hang out with the cops and coppettes in my “class” after hours. Those guys practiced on each other ruthlessly. There is just no pause button with them. Drills and practice doesnt stop just because class is dismissed. To bring me up to speed and get me involved with their Gladiator-like sparring environment, they taught me everything they have been trained on. It was an intense 5 weeks.
But there’s a kicker. Let’s go back a bit: all the lockpicking and breaking in portion of the course was only taught in a matter of 2 weeks. A paperwork fuck up stated that I was on TDY for 5 weeks. Im guessing the clerks assumed that since i am going to audit a class that has only one 5 week training module left, that i will be attending that entire 5 week’s worth of training, not a sub, sub section of that module. So i have the choice of:
-go back home and enjoy a 2 week paid vacation
-stay and play tourist at (town where cop school is at)
-stay in cop school
With the LOL (Love Of my Life) gone on a joint ex with the Americans, i decided to stay in school once my two weeks was over. I approached my instructors and told them about my remaining 3 weeks. Technically, they no longer own me since they only signed off on having me as a guest for 2 weeks. BUT, my end of the paperwork says that they do. So i asked if i could stay and continue auditing their class. Housing, feeding, training, and being responsible for an extra human in combats for another 3 weeks is a big responsibility so i offered to have my name taken off the berthing and quartering nominal roll and ill just live and eat at the local Officer’s Club. They agreed with a couple conditions:
  1. I can’t mention any of this to anyone, let alone the bean counters.
  2. I have to help them fuck with their trainees’ heads for their field phase.
Okay. That’s all the backstory this post needs, i promise. Youre up to speed now. So, for the next 3 weeks, i was still at the school, attending classes, hanging out with my cop buddies, and picking their brains on everything they learned. Since i was literally the only female in their class, they were also interested in teaching me about female specific fieldcraft that they only learned about in theory.
Flirting. Lots of flirting. Thats what they taught me to do. That’s not a fair description for it, but thats basically what it is. How to exploit your “womanly” advantages and combine it with your basic interrogation skills, and then use it in an “information gathering” context.
For three weeks, i was a wolf amongst wolfdogs. They took me in as one of their own, taught me everything they knew, and trusted me completely, never knowing that every single scrap of knowledge they passed on to me was valuable currency being contributed to the “fuck fuck games with future po-lice trainers fund”.
Every night we would all troop to the local bar and have a few pints, shooting the shit and messing around with each other. Every single one of those nights, i turned the lesbian volume level down to zero, and cranked the little Lolita knob all the way up to bitchin.
Every female i personally know in any combat arms/national defense/intel job has one badass female icon they look up to and fantasize to be. For me, its a combo of ScarJo’s Black Widow and Bridget Fonda’s La Femme Nikita. For 3 weeks, I was La Femme Black Widow.
Every time i step out to go for a drink with the boys, i was always in my “dress to kill” outfits: either little black dresses that’s not too slutty but show just enough skin to get their attention, tight leggings and body hugging tops, and hair always down and flipped or flicked out of my face at strategic times in a sultry manner when im talking to someone.
I have no words to describe its effects on men. Let me clarify something here. While i wouldnt consider myself ugly or even average looking, i wouldnt exactly consider myself a smokeshow babe either. Im just your regular woman. I look good while wearing some stuff, i look average while wearing some others, and i look like a disgraceful abomination to my gender while wearing my regular daily wear. Good Lord. I have a picture of myself on my worst shark week ever, just days after having a new IUD installed, and i look like even Satan would be pushing rope once he saw me.
Anyways, yeah. Alcohol + men + loneliness + isolation from loved ones + foxy lay-deh all equals to stupid, monumental lapses of judgment. While im sure those men have absolutely no intention of cheating on their significant others, or even any ulterior motives on me (they respected me enough and professional enough for that), things definitely got, interesting.
During their final classroom lecture, where they are supposed to be doing the AAR for the class, the instructors called me up front and center.
Instructor: standing in front of you is a person, can anyone here tell me something about her?
Classmate 1: oh, that’s (my rank) u/borednightnurse1990, a (my trade) from (my branch). She’s an honourary member of our course, sent here to join and audit us 5 weeks ago. She’s (my age), married to (my wife), and loves doing (my hobbies).
Instructor: all good observations. Also, wrong. Tell me, what is wrong with your classmate’s observations?
crickets
Instructor: here’s what’s wrong: she was only your classmate for the first 2 weeks. For the rest, she was a combatant behind enemy lines. Her enemies are you, you, you, fuck it, all of you are her enemies.
Here, (turns around to the whiteboard) let me show you jackalopes something.
flips white board dramatically
On the whiteboard are several very compromising items on pretty much every single person in our class i had managed to collect.
-pieces of really personal info about every single individual that i social engineered from their relatives and friends as a result of unsecured online footprints
-copies of their really embarassing MySpace profiles. Do you know that MySpace has always defaulted to public profiles because it was created in a day and age when online persec was non existent? And that 9 out of 10 people who created MySpace accounts has already forgotten their log in/pws? Maaaan. The stupid embarassing shit left locked in public view in that site is just amazing. 😂
-a PKI card. I actually felt bad for this one. I was trying to pickpocket a buddy’s wallet from his coat and i panicked so i swiped the first card i could thumb out of it and quickly slipped it back in his coat before he realized. I was expecting an Interac or a credit card and was surprised when i saw a PKI card. He got a for realsies ass chewing on this one.
-and the coup de grace: i was wearing a reaaaaaaalllllyyyy discrete bodycam the whole time i was out with them. Maaaan. The footage is a pure gold mine. I cant get into the specifics of it: but just imagine a bunch of grown men, doing stupid things only a teenager would do, all to somewhat impress a “girl” cheering and egging them on. Okay, here’s one specific thing: i was wearing two cameras all the time at two different strategic locations on my body. There is a sped up montage of all footage i collected, with a counter on the top left of the screen counting how many times my coursemates made direct eye contact with my “cameras”. Ill let you put two and two together. The end part of that 2 minute montage is a video of me mailing CDs to their wives, girlfriends, and mothers. (All pretend of course. Just for shits and giggles) 😂😂😂
Once select video clips were played in class, it was pure pandemonium. Amidst the sound of general laughter from the staff and embarassment from the students, I was pelted with paper balls, boo’ed, and at one time got yelled at for being a “ya stinkin’ traitorous Whore of Babylon!”, to which i replied by curtsying using a single extended middle finger pinching an imaginary skit against my thumb.
Fun times were had and i returned back to my home unit with a whole bunch of new friends and a new arsenal of tools and skills to add to my toolbox as a certified, government trained mischief maker.
I hope my story is as entertaining to you in prose form as it was for me in reality.
submitted by borednightnurse1990 to FuckeryUniveristy [link] [comments]


2020.09.23 00:58 ElegantMarzipan Sigh... I think Octavio and I are over.

It's not him, it's me.
I want him. I want him so badly. He helps me cope, helps me function, fills me with this feeling that nobody else has, real or fictional. He's one of the most important things in my life.
But there's this growing part of me that keeps saying "What if?"
"What if you're missing out on a great relationship with a real person?" it says. "You say you wouldn't do well in a real relationship, but you can't know that for sure, because you've never even been on a single date. What if you really can find someone who accepts you for who you are?" And it's right. I don't know if 2D is really the right choice for me, because I've never even *tried* to get into a relationship with a real person.
"What if you get lonely?" it also asks. "You're trying to move out. What are you going to do on nights where your mind can't focus and you need a real person to calm you down? You can't generate one out of thin air."
Octavio's sad to see me want to become just friends, but he's known I've had my doubts about this for a few months now. He's told me more than once throughout the relationship "if ever you think you need to find someone real, then do it. I ain't gonna stop you."
To be honest part of the reason I'm with him in the first place is because I'm socially impaired and have a hard time emotionally connecting with people in the first place. I've become so used to interacting with text on a screen (which is more like reading a book than talking to a person) that I am uncomfortable with almost any in-person human interaction that lasts longer than ten minutes. When I hang out with friends I often just want my time with them to end so I can go back playing games and chatting online. I'm not going to be able to fix this issue without starting to go out and interact with real people regularly, and learning to stop living "in my head" and more "in the moment." That means I have to stop daydreaming so much and start learning to enjoy the company of real people.
I'll still lurk around here for a while and provide what support I can for people in 2D relationships, but for now I'm going to go back to hugblanketing and hoping the "right person" will come along.
submitted by ElegantMarzipan to waifuism [link] [comments]


2020.09.22 18:24 robbiekhan I think NAD may have lost themselves a long term customer

Where do I begin?
I bought a NAD D 7050 for my office setup 5 years ago as an upgrade from the D 3020 as I wanted a bit more power output for both headphones and speakers. It has been great until year number 4 when small niggles started to be apparent.
Things like the top LED became dim like it did on the 3020, the front panel OELD display had screen burn even though the display turns off after 3 minutes of no user input (no alt dimming option with this model like on later models).
Most recently I had bluetooth connection issues with my phone so looked on NAD's website and saw a firmware update was available and was a couple versions newer than my current version. I must add that the latest firmware was dated 2018. I updated following instructions which went smoothly and I was back up and running.
Immediately I noticed some big changes. The remote no longer worked, changing the IR channel in the NAD app didn't help, nor did a factory reset.
When audio starts to play from the speakers there is a very faint pop just as audio starts. Then around 30s after audio stops, the same pop can be heard from the speakers. This is consistent and can be replicated every time and I was using the USB input from PC for this test. This only started after the firmware update.
Electrical buzzing could also be heard at random intermittent intervals throughout the day when a USB device was plugged into the USB-A port on the back. This is not firmware related but something I noticed crop up in recent months out of the blue.
Another issue is that on occasion if I turn the volume dial slowly, the numbers jump multiple digits instead of single digits, and on rare occasions the volume will adjust itself until it's maxed out or fully minimised until I touch the volume knob and it stops. This issue is not common but happens enough through the months that I take note.
After the firmware update broke the two above features I decided enough was enough and contacted Sevenoaks AV where I bought the unit as they are an authorised NAD dealer and would be able to advise and send the unit to NAD for investigation.
NAD have today come back to them and given their assessment verdict. I will update this post with a copy paste of their email to Sevenoaks once I have been forwarded this but what Sevenoaks have said to me on the phone reading the email out is as follows:
1: No issue found with the volume knob adjustment.(this was reported as intermittent so chances are in one test session they may not have seen the issue at that time)
2: The top LED being dim can be fixed with a new LED/front panel.
3: The front OELD screen burn is fixed by replacing the front panel.
4: No issue found with audio pops/crackles when powering unit on or off and no issue found when changing sources. Nevertheless they think there's a fault with the mainboard which will need to be replaced.(I stated the pop is only audible through speaker outputs just as audio starts to play and also around 30s after it stops)
5: The remote not working will need a new mainboard replacement too, their alternative recommendation is that I use the NAD app on my phone. This response is complete mind blowing. The app is crap for starters not even managing a 3 stars rating on the app store, and it often fails to connect to the amp needed an app restart to fix.
They estimate a bill for repairs of over £450.
As you can imagine I am quite furious by this. The main issues I had which forced me to send it in was caused by the firmware update. It sounds like they know there's an issue with the mainboard/firmware combo but want the customer to pay to fix it. I can live with a dim display and put up with a weird volume dial every now and then but I need a working remote and don't want popping clicks when music starts and stops. Even though the unit is out of warranty it is not my fault that their official firmware has caused an issue so as far as I can reasonably see, it should be NAD that fixes this or am I being unreasonable here?
Any advice would be really appreciated!
---
Update 1
I raised a support ticket with NAD online and today they responded by saying I should make sure I have the latest official firmware installed. I stopped reading at this point as it highlights to me that the person who responded to my ticket -- containing the same info as in this post-- did not read it at all else they'd already know that I was on the latest firmware and the biggest issues are caused by it.

Update 2
I actually got nowhere with NAD. Whatever angle someone looks at it, NAD are unable to assist because it's well out of warranty and Sevenoaks have their hands tied but did empathise with the situation. I did try some other amps in between all this and today I returned a TEAC AI-301DA-X to a store because it just doesn't deliver the "NAD sound" I am used to and like so after contacting Sevenoaks today (24/09/2020), I have bought a NAD D 3045 which looks like an updated 7050 so will keep a keen eye on it before the 24 month warranty is up and at least within a month of expiry will send it away to be sorted under warranty for even the smallest thing like an LED being dimmer.
The store manage understood my situation and gave me £100 off too. As much as I hate to say it, looks like I am staying with NAD purely because the sound presentation for both speakers and headphones out seems to be unmatched in this class by anything else under £600. Hopefully the 3045 has the issues of the older models resolved but we shall see....
submitted by robbiekhan to audiophile [link] [comments]


2020.09.22 10:23 watercolorstain90 New press release

Following a delay caused by the initial onset of COVID 19 and after a subsequent revision, Steven Wilson’s sixth album is finally released on 29th January 2021.
THE FUTURE BITES explores ways that the human brain has evolved in the internet era. Where 2017’s Top 3 album TO THE BONE confronted the (then) emerging global issues of post truth and fake news, THE FUTURE BITES places the listener in a world of 21st century addictions. It’s a place where ongoing, very public experiments with nascent technology on our lives take place constantly; where clicks and Tiks have become more important that human interaction. THE FUTURE BITES is less a bleak vision of an approaching dystopia and more a curious and playful reading of a world made all the more strange and separated by the events of 2020.
Musically, THE FUTURE BITES positively gleams. Across the album, there’s tracks that deal in gorgeous electronics warped by human intervention (KING GHOST) soaring acoustics that hit the stratosphere (12 THINGS I FORGOT); a ten minute treatise on the joys of oniomania laid out by Elton John over a Moroder-esque whirlwind (PERSONAL SHOPPER) and a relentless bass-driven Motorik groove that dives right into the murk of clickbait and online radicalisation (FOLLOWER). The album’s new recording, COUNT OF UNEASE, is a beautifully plaintive close to the album that floats out on a mix of piano and ambient sound. Together, the nine tracks form Steven’s most consistently brilliant work to date. THE FUTURE BITES was recorded in London and co-produced by David Kosten (Bat For Lashes, Everything Everything) and Steven Wilson.
Between now and the release of the album THE FUTURE BITES website will crack a door open onto a wonderful world of purchase power, a place where everything is marketable and nothing is too random or too moronic to be considered valuable. Inspired by notable 21st century artefacts like the Virgil Abloh ceramic block or Vitality Air’s canned Canadian oxygen, THE FUTURE BITES website is a fully imagined consumer universe (built in collaboration with Baby and Crystal Spotlight) designed to be accessible and addictive to anyone from the casual fan to the hardcore collector. The site will feature regular drops of limited edition merchandise over the coming months - this could be anything from a slogan shirt to a branded hole punch.
THE FUTURE BITES will be available on all digital platforms, vinyl, cassette, CD and as a limited edition deluxe box set that contains CDs of the album, an instrumental version of the album, bonus material (including 6 additional songs and several reworked versions of album tracks, among them a 19 minute extended mix of PERSONAL SHOPPER), a cassette of demos and a Blu-Ray featuring videos and Steven Wilson’s own 5.1 surround sound and Dolby Atmos versions of the album. THE FUTURE BITES is the first contemporary album to be mixed and released in Dolby Atmos.
Following the release of PERSONAL SHOPPER earlier in the year, a second track from THE FUTURE BITES is out online today. EMINENT SLEAZE is a wholly unethical life lesson strapped to a piece of grimy, low-slung funk, and as much a departure from Steven’s previous records as its immediate predecessor (watch Miles Skarin’s end times video for the track here).
A limited edition 12” of EMINENT SLEAZE will be released as part of this year’s Record Store Day. It will be available in participating #RSD20 shops both in person and online as part of this year’s third and final RSD20 drop on October 24th. A limited edition CD single will also be released on the same day, along with a very limited merchandise bundle available for 24 hours only. Both CD and 12” feature exclusive tracks recorded during the album sessions EYEWITNESS and IN FLORAL GREEN.
New Steven Wilson live dates are currently being confirmed for 2021.
Just got this in his newsletter.
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2020.09.22 07:49 LonkXD It's been 6 years but I (17M) still haven't gotten over her (18F), will she haunt me for the rest of my current and future relationships?

It's gonna be a long story and I guess you can tell that by the title, and honestly this feeling just comes and goes and I wish I had written this before when the feeling was at its peak, I don't know if I'm just gonna skip some details because of that or it will be better because I'll be less dramatic, but anyways here it goes.
This is story contains two important girls (both 18 F) and I want to call her X girl and Y girl because I don't want you to get confused
I met X girl back in 5th grade, we were so little but she is the first girl I ever liked for real, back then, I was a shy person whenever I had to treat with those who weren't close and that was the main reason of why I never really told her my intentions (we were kids so that wasn't gonna be that serious, we were probably gonna break up in a couple weeks but I really wanted to be with her and didn't even think about that because I was very young). I barely talked to her and we may have shared a couple laughs but we never got to be close (It is very weird for me although it's probably normal, but have you ever fallen in love with somebody that you barely know? but not just physical, in a way that you really wanted to know that person and be with her above everything else).
For two years I had to listen to X when she talked about how she liked this guy, this other guy, and I had to suffer in silence and just try to ignore the situation because, sadly, we weren't anything.
We got to 7th grade and I met another girl (not Y girl) that I liked and I wasn't even in X's classroom so I thought, why not give it a try? I dated that girl for 5 months but we eventually broke up (I didn't care because I was kinda tired of here being super possesive over me and I was a child discovering what relationships were). 7th year ended and I was surprised X did not appear in my head for a whole year considering what I felt for her the two prior years, maybe because she was in a complete different classroom.
8th grade began and, what a surprise! She got to be in my classroom again (idk how it works in the U.S or other countries, but here you get placed with other 20 or a couple more students and you share every single class with them for an entire year) and all those feelings started coming back, but since I was older and more mature they just got stronger, started talking a little to her but was still as shy as before but even more when talking to her because you know, I liked her, and she was always surrounded by her friends (with whom I didn't speak to). It was another year of just staring at her while she didn't notice mid class, thinking that she was the most beautiful girl ever, considering the moments where the teachers paired us together freaking miracles, and the days where we just talked for a few minutes, the best days of the week, or even the month. My best friend (a girl) used to talk to her and since she knew that I was super shy but wanted her to know my intentions with her, she randomly told her during a conversation that they were having that she had many suitors, as a random fact, like just to make her laugh, X answered "yeah? like who?" and my best friend said my name, X just answered with laughing emojis and left it there. I know, you can't assume somebody's feelings from emojis, but since I heard before that she liked other guy (and had pictures with him looking really happy) it was the day that my world crashed in pieces, literally could not sleep that night because my chest hurt so bad, had to go and talk to my mom and didn't even go to school the next day because I did not want to see her face, the day after that I went to school and was super off (I'm a person that cannot hide his emotions and I really hate it because I always have to tell close people what is going on with me when I feel bad, even if I don't want them to know), the rest of the year was as depressing as that year and I was just thinking like "omg X can't you just start dating that guy so I can forget you faster?". The last day of school ended and even if summer started and my gaming hours and time spent with my friends were gonna increase, I felt so empty and only wanted to cry when I got home from school, because I knew that I was going to miss her for the next 3 months.
2017 and 9th grade started, I got in the same classroom as X girl, again, but here's the introduction of Y girl.
For the beginning of the year she just used me to help her with homework or some school stuff and I eventually got tired of her but at the same time daydreamed with us having a good time as a couple, mid school year the teachers were not happy with my class, and decided to switch some seats so many of the friend groups in my classroom got separated so the classes could be taught easier, I got placed a seat behind Y girl, we already knew each other since elementary school and used to be friends but not more than that, we started talking about our elementary school memories and some other things that we both liked, compared to X girl and the stuff she liked (she is the classic cheerleader character of a netflix show, so you might know her music tastes, hobbies, and more) I felt that I could really be myself with her, I did not feel ashamed telling her that I enjoyed watching anime, playing videogames for hours, and didn't feel ashamed to tell her anything that I would consider embarassing to tell X girl, it was completely normal for Y girl and we both laughed about those stuff, eventually, we got closer, we started talking about our deepest problems and feelings, she invited me to her birthday party, X was invited there as well and I gotta be honest, I was just hoping to see her because I still felt something for her, she didn't make an appearance but I gave myself the opportunity and had one of the best nights of my life with Y girl, I never danced in a party before but I did it with her because I felt so confident with her, two weeks after that I went to her house because "I needed to talk with her" and boom, I kissed her for the first time and started dating, our relationship lasted 5 months and I eventually broke up with her, even if I felt confident with her and felt that I loved her, I felt anxious during the 80% of our relationship, I didn't knew if I loved her the same way as I loved X girl, like I never cried for her or daydreamed with her like I did with X, and thought that it wasn't real love, it happened in summer 2017.
2018 and we started 10th year.
Same classroom as my ex girlfriend, super uncomfortable, I was nice to her all the time because I knew she still liked me and I loved her as a friend, so I didn't wanna hurt her but the best thing to do was probably just stop talking to her, she started to talk with some of my friends and eventually got close with a friend that is close to me, I wasn't in the same classroom as X that year but still saw her in the hallways, on the recesses and started remembering the old 8th grade days and kinda wanted to give it a shot since I was single again, I remember that on her birthday I hugged her for the first time and told my best female friend that I probably wanted to be with her because it felt so cute, my contact with her was even less than the prior years tho.
The school year was ending and a huge drama happed around my group of friends, my ex girlfriend that got close to my male friends talked to them about how she felt about me not wanting to be back with her and one of my close friends that was in love with her was really mad at me because he saw how Y girl was suffering for me while he saw me getting nervous asking X girl did her math exam go. I discovered the whole thing and guess what, somehow I felt that my heart belonged to Y girl because I remembered how open I could be with her, I started talking with her again and about that drama as well, told her how I felt and since she still liked me we gave it another shot, I may sound as an a * * hole, but trust me I felt really happy getting back with her, obviously my friend wasn't happy with that and he and the rest of my friends stopped talking to me for almost 6 months, he also told a lot of lies to Y girl about me so we both did mean things to each other, the good thing is that we're friends again now.
By the way, guess what, I didn't break up with Y girl in a couple months again, she is still my girl friend and our relationship is about to turn 2 years old next month, but here is my problem.
10th year was our first year of relationship, pretty good overwall, didn't get to be in the same classroom as X girl so it was even better, still saw her in the hallways and recesses and felt confused, even if I liked and loved my girlfriend, why do I see X girl the same way as before? but I thought "nah, its probably nothing" still felt kinda bad about it because it wasn't right to feel that way for a person when you're literally in a relationship with another.
2019 and 11th year came, I got in the same classroom as X girl but Y girl was at the other one, so we could only see each other during the recesses and out of school on weekends or some weekdays.
Even if I loved my girlfriend I still saw her the same way, I gotta be honest, saw her and thought that she was the most beautiful human being in the world, idk what she had but she was just so cute for me and wanted to get to know her, unlike elementary school, my personality really developed during the last years, I went from being the quiet guy to being the funniest guy in my promotion, super open with anybody and I can tell everybody likes me, the thing is that for the first time in 5 years I got to talk to X, even belonged to her friend group and talked a lot of stuff, it was also the year in which I started to go to parties and actually enjoy them, probably the best year of my life and this one was probably going to be even better but we all know what happened.
The thing is that I felt that she was different with me than the prior years, we started talking more, after 5 years of knowing each other she finally followed me on Instagram, when I arrived at those parties, she just reacted so happy or hyped about it, even on those where I attended with my girlfriend, during the classes I still constantly looked at her bc the physical attraction was still there, and guess what, I wasn't the only one looking at the other one while he/she didn't notice, and she even took pics or videos of me for ig stuff without me even knowing, I just saw those when she posted them, maybe none of those things mean anything, but idk, a part of myself thinks that it meant something.
Later that year we were playing a game in the school and I lost, the thing is that my penalty was that I had to let them read my dms with any person they wanted, they went to my best female friend's chat and started looking at the pictures we sent each other (they chose her just to joke around because my girlfriend was there and you know what they say about a guy that has a girlfriend and is super close to another girl at the same time) the thing is that they dug down to 2017 pictures and found a picture of X girl and her past crush that I sent my friend telling her how bad I felt because she seemed pretty happy with him, even if they weren't anything.
I was one of the most embarassing moments of my life, specially because X girl and her friend group was her, along with my girlfriend, I don't know what anybody thought, but my girlfriend was very supporting with me and told me that it was gonna be ok and that I should not care what my classmates thought about it, she probably wasn't that jealous because it was a really old photo, even prior to the first time we dated. X girl asked me a couple days after that if I still had the picture and I was like, nah I don't have it anymore, I didn't wanna talk about it.
The rest of the year was the same, X girl and I sharing a couple moments, her best friends asking me to do some weird things for X girl like rubbing her hair, or her friends asking several times who would I date if I wasn't with Y, some times I said "X" and some other times I just mentioned other random names but honestly the only person I would've ever liked to date if I wasn't with Y would be X.
Last year I got way closer with Y girl, since we're growing up and getting more mature the relationship and our bonds are just getting stronger, but even if I spent wonderful moments with here some of the nights I dreamed of X, having conversations that we never had and actually getting close.
This year my school year was only face-to-face for 4 days, and the classrooms didn't change at all, I was still with X girl and my girlfriend (Y) in the other classroom, my parents still treat me as a little kid and unlike many other parents they still take me to school on the first days just to see if I'm happy with my new classmates, and this year she left me at my classroom's door, when I got in everybody was super happy to have me there, as I told you, everybody in my classroom likes me because I'm the guy who's always joking around and makes them laugh.
My mom knows the whole story that I'm typing right here and told me that X's expression when I got in the classroom was just another thing. She told me that she was sure that she felt something for me, and even if I felt I loved my girlfriend that made me feel happy for some reason, if I'm honest with you I wanted the classrooms to be the same as 2019 because I wanted to be alone with X girl and not with my girlfriend and see if something happened, not because I wanted to break up with my girlfriend, but because I knew that if my feelings for X were real, something was gonna happen.
I'm gonna be completely honest, I love Y girl (my current girlfriend), we're closer than ever, I can tell her whatever I need to and she understands me, she loves me and trust me I do care a lot for her too, I'm happy around her and since last year X girl hadn't been in my mind. I think my feelings for X girl are just physical because I don't even know her favorite netflix show or song, but I think those feelings haunt me because I never told her my intentions and got rejected/accepted, or got over her properly, because both times I just forgot my feelings dating another person.
From March to July I didn't think about her, on july 20th just got kinda sad because I remembered the topic but it wasn't a big deal, just lasted for like 2 days. but yeah my life has been super normal, I saw her during online classes and felt nothing, just saw an attractive girl and that was it, I was not going and still don't think that dropping my current relationship that is going to turn 2 years old and is really stable is worth it for a girl I don't even know that well and isn't probably interested in me.
But here is why I decided to write this whole thing: yesterday, after many months, I dreamed of X girl again, and I found it so weird because I have many months without thinking about her the way I did before, but the dream had the same story as last year's ones, we talked to each other laying in a green field, we were looking into each other's eyes (one of the things that attracts me the most about her) she asked me if I felt something for her, and if I did, why can't we be dating? she was playing with my hair, as well as one of her close friends like idk why, it was so weird but I didn't focus on that girl, then we switch scenarios and we're eating, doing stuff together, and the other specific scene I remember was X and I laying in a bed, she was trying to kiss me but I just couldn't because I knew it wasn't right, I have a girlfriend.
Out of all the dreams that I've had of her this was the most real one, I woke up scared as hell and didn't know what to feel, couldn't even talk about it with my friends, family or girlfriend for obvious reason, but it was a shitty day and I just feel bad right now, I'm feeling awkward around my girlfriend or being kinda dry with her but those are not my intentions, I don't wanna hurt her and I love her.
She's gonna leave the country next year and because of this pandemic and the face-to-face school year being cancelled, I'm probably never seeing X girl again and I know that's probably gonna hurt me but I just wanna get over it, I don't want those dreams and feelings to haunt me for the rest of this current relationship, and possibly on my next ones. What do you think I should do? Honestly I was thinking about asking X if she ever felt something for me and just kill those rumours of her liking me, but idk if that's a dumb idea.
But yeah, if you made it here and are willing to give me tips or just tell me what's going on with me based on your experience I would be grateful because I feel so lost right now and this whole thing took me 2 hours to type I really don't wanna get left on seen lmao.
This is my 6-year-long love problem and I'm grateful that you took the time to read it, every time I felt this way I thought about typing it all and never did, but I'm tired of it and my dream was powerful enough to make me do it so, here it is.
TL;DR: I think I've been in love with / haven't gotten over the same girl for 6 years, even after being in two relationships (still in the second one).
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2020.09.22 07:48 LonkXD It's been 6 years but I (17M) still haven't gotten over her (18F), will she haunt me for the rest of my current and future relationships?

It's gonna be a long story and I guess you can tell that by the title, and honestly this feeling just comes and goes and I wish I had written this before when the feeling was at its peak, I don't know if I'm just gonna skip some details because of that or it will be better because I'll be less dramatic, but anyways here it goes.
This is story contains two important girls (both 18 F) and I want to call her X girl and Y girl because I don't want you to get confused
I met X girl back in 5th grade, we were so little but she is the first girl I ever liked for real, back then, I was a shy person whenever I had to treat with those who weren't close and that was the main reason of why I never really told her my intentions (we were kids so that wasn't gonna be that serious, we were probably gonna break up in a couple weeks but I really wanted to be with her and didn't even think about that because I was very young). I barely talked to her and we may have shared a couple laughs but we never got to be close (It is very weird for me although it's probably normal, but have you ever fallen in love with somebody that you barely know? but not just physical, in a way that you really wanted to know that person and be with her above everything else).
For two years I had to listen to X when she talked about how she liked this guy, this other guy, and I had to suffer in silence and just try to ignore the situation because, sadly, we weren't anything.
We got to 7th grade and I met another girl (not Y girl) that I liked and I wasn't even in X's classroom so I thought, why not give it a try? I dated that girl for 5 months but we eventually broke up (I didn't care because I was kinda tired of here being super possesive over me and I was a child discovering what relationships were). 7th year ended and I was surprised X did not appear in my head for a whole year considering what I felt for her the two prior years, maybe because she was in a complete different classroom.
8th grade began and, what a surprise! She got to be in my classroom again (idk how it works in the U.S or other countries, but here you get placed with other 20 or a couple more students and you share every single class with them for an entire year) and all those feelings started coming back, but since I was older and more mature they just got stronger, started talking a little to her but was still as shy as before but even more when talking to her because you know, I liked her, and she was always surrounded by her friends (with whom I didn't speak to). It was another year of just staring at her while she didn't notice mid class, thinking that she was the most beautiful girl ever, considering the moments where the teachers paired us together freaking miracles, and the days where we just talked for a few minutes, the best days of the week, or even the month. My best friend (a girl) used to talk to her and since she knew that I was super shy but wanted her to know my intentions with her, she randomly told her during a conversation that they were having that she had many suitors, as a random fact, like just to make her laugh, X answered "yeah? like who?" and my best friend said my name, X just answered with laughing emojis and left it there. I know, you can't assume somebody's feelings from emojis, but since I heard before that she liked other guy (and had pictures with him looking really happy) it was the day that my world crashed in pieces, literally could not sleep that night because my chest hurt so bad, had to go and talk to my mom and didn't even go to school the next day because I did not want to see her face, the day after that I went to school and was super off (I'm a person that cannot hide his emotions and I really hate it because I always have to tell close people what is going on with me when I feel bad, even if I don't want them to know), the rest of the year was as depressing as that year and I was just thinking like "omg X can't you just start dating that guy so I can forget you faster?". The last day of school ended and even if summer started and my gaming hours and time spent with my friends were gonna increase, I felt so empty and only wanted to cry when I got home from school, because I knew that I was going to miss her for the next 3 months.
2017 and 9th grade started, I got in the same classroom as X girl, again, but here's the introduction of Y girl.
For the beginning of the year she just used me to help her with homework or some school stuff and I eventually got tired of her but at the same time daydreamed with us having a good time as a couple, mid school year the teachers were not happy with my class, and decided to switch some seats so many of the friend groups in my classroom got separated so the classes could be taught easier, I got placed a seat behind Y girl, we already knew each other since elementary school and used to be friends but not more than that, we started talking about our elementary school memories and some other things that we both liked, compared to X girl and the stuff she liked (she is the classic cheerleader character of a netflix show, so you might know her music tastes, hobbies, and more) I felt that I could really be myself with her, I did not feel ashamed telling her that I enjoyed watching anime, playing videogames for hours, and didn't feel ashamed to tell her anything that I would consider embarassing to tell X girl, it was completely normal for Y girl and we both laughed about those stuff, eventually, we got closer, we started talking about our deepest problems and feelings, she invited me to her birthday party, X was invited there as well and I gotta be honest, I was just hoping to see her because I still felt something for her, she didn't make an appearance but I gave myself the opportunity and had one of the best nights of my life with Y girl, I never danced in a party before but I did it with her because I felt so confident with her, two weeks after that I went to her house because "I needed to talk with her" and boom, I kissed her for the first time and started dating, our relationship lasted 5 months and I eventually broke up with her, even if I felt confident with her and felt that I loved her, I felt anxious during the 80% of our relationship, I didn't knew if I loved her the same way as I loved X girl, like I never cried for her or daydreamed with her like I did with X, and thought that it wasn't real love, it happened in summer 2017.
2018 and we started 10th year.
Same classroom as my ex girlfriend, super uncomfortable, I was nice to her all the time because I knew she still liked me and I loved her as a friend, so I didn't wanna hurt her but the best thing to do was probably just stop talking to her, she started to talk with some of my friends and eventually got close with a friend that is close to me, I wasn't in the same classroom as X that year but still saw her in the hallways, on the recesses and started remembering the old 8th grade days and kinda wanted to give it a shot since I was single again, I remember that on her birthday I hugged her for the first time and told my best female friend that I probably wanted to be with her because it felt so cute, my contact with her was even less than the prior years tho. The school year was ending and a huge drama happed around my group of friends, my ex girlfriend that got close to my male friends talked to them about how she felt about me not wanting to be back with her and one of my close friends that was in love with her was really mad at me because he saw how Y girl was suffering for me while he saw me getting nervous asking X girl did her math exam go. I discovered the whole thing and guess what, somehow I felt that my heart belonged to Y girl because I remembered how open I could be with her, I started talking with her again and about that drama as well, told her how I felt and since she still liked me we gave it another shot, I may sound as an a * * hole, but trust me I felt really happy getting back with her, obviously my friend wasn't happy with that and he and the rest of my friends stopped talking to me for almost 6 months, he also told a lot of lies to Y girl about me so we both did mean things to each other, the good thing is that we're friends again now.
By the way, guess what, I didn't break up with Y girl in a couple months again, she is still my girl friend and our relationship is about to turn 2 years old next month, but here is my problem.
10th year was our first year of relationship, pretty good overwall, didn't get to be in the same classroom as X girl so it was even better, still saw her in the hallways and recesses and felt confused, even if I liked and loved my girlfriend, why do I see X girl the same way as before? but I thought "nah, its probably nothing" still felt kinda bad about it because it wasn't right to feel that way for a person when you're literally in a relationship with another.
2019 and 11th year came, I got in the same classroom as X girl but Y girl was at the other one, so we could only see each other during the recesses and out of school on weekends or some weekdays.
Even if I loved my girlfriend I still saw her the same way, I gotta be honest, saw her and thought that she was the most beautiful human being in the world, idk what she had but she was just so cute for me and wanted to get to know her, unlike elementary school, my personality really developed during the last years, I went from being the quiet guy to being the funniest guy in my promotion, super open with anybody and I can tell everybody likes me, the thing is that for the first time in 5 years I got to talk to X, even belonged to her friend group and talked a lot of stuff, it was also the year in which I started to go to parties and actually enjoy them, probably the best year of my life and this one was probably going to be even better but we all know what happened.
The thing is that I felt that she was different with me than the prior years, we started talking more, after 5 years of knowing each other she finally followed me on Instagram, when I arrived at those parties, she just reacted so happy or hyped about it, even on those where I attended with my girlfriend, during the classes I still constantly looked at her bc the physical attraction was still there, and guess what, I wasn't the only one looking at the other one while he/she didn't notice, and she even took pics or videos of me for ig stuff without me even knowing, I just saw those when she posted them, maybe none of those things mean anything, but idk, a part of myself thinks that it meant something.
Later that year we were playing a game in the school and I lost, the thing is that my penalty was that I had to let them read my dms with any person they wanted, they went to my best female friend's chat and started looking at the pictures we sent each other (they chose her just to joke around because my girlfriend was there and you know what they say about a guy that has a girlfriend and is super close to another girl at the same time) the thing is that they dug down to 2017 pictures and found a picture of X girl and her past crush that I sent my friend telling her how bad I felt because she seemed pretty happy with him, even if they weren't anything. I was one of the most embarassing moments of my life, specially because X girl and her friend group was her, along with my girlfriend, I don't know what anybody thought, but my girlfriend was very supporting with me and told me that it was gonna be ok and that I should not care what my classmates thought about it, she probably wasn't that jealous because it was a really old photo, even prior to the first time we dated. X girl asked me a couple days after that if I still had the picture and I was like, nah I don't have it anymore, I didn't wanna talk about it.
The rest of the year was the same, X girl and I sharing a couple moments, her best friends asking me to do some weird things for X girl like rubbing her hair, or her friends asking several times who would I date if I wasn't with Y, some times I said "X" and some other times I just mentioned other random names but honestly the only person I would've ever liked to date if I wasn't with Y would be X.
Last year I got way closer with Y girl, since we're growing up and getting more mature the relationship and our bonds are just getting stronger, but even if I spent wonderful moments with here some of the nights I dreamed of X, having conversations that we never had and actually getting close.
This year my school year was only face-to-face for 4 days, and the classrooms didn't change at all, I was still with X girl and my girlfriend (Y) in the other classroom, my parents still treat me as a little kid and unlike many other parents they still take me to school on the first days just to see if I'm happy with my new classmates, and this year she left me at my classroom's door, when I got in everybody was super happy to have me there, as I told you, everybody in my classroom likes me because I'm the guy who's always joking around and makes them laugh. My mom knows the whole story that I'm typing right here and told me that X's expression when I got in the classroom was just another thing. She told me that she was sure that she felt something for me, and even if I felt I loved my girlfriend that made me feel happy for some reason, if I'm honest with you I wanted the classrooms to be the same as 2019 because I wanted to be alone with X girl and not with my girlfriend and see if something happened, not because I wanted to break up with my girlfriend, but because I knew that if my feelings for X were real, something was gonna happen.
I'm gonna be completely honest, I love Y girl (my current girlfriend), we're closer than ever, I can tell her whatever I need to and she understands me, she loves me and trust me I do care a lot for her too, I'm happy around her and since last year X girl hadn't been in my mind. I think my feelings for X girl are just physical because I don't even know her favorite netflix show or song, but I think those feelings haunt me because I never told her my intentions and got rejected/accepted, or got over her properly, because both times I just forgot my feelings dating another person.
From March to July I didn't think about her, on july 20th just got kinda sad because I remembered the topic but it wasn't a big deal, just lasted for like 2 days. but yeah my life has been super normal, I saw her during online classes and felt nothing, just saw an attractive girl and that was it, I was not going and still don't think that dropping my current relationship that is going to turn 2 years old and is really stable is worth it for a girl I don't even know that well and isn't probably interested in me.
But here is why I decided to write this whole thing: yesterday, after many months, I dreamed of X girl again, and I found it so weird because I have many months without thinking about her the way I did before, but the dream had the same story as last year's ones, we talked to each other laying in a green field, we were looking into each other's eyes (one of the things that attracts me the most about her) she asked me if I felt something for her, and if I did, why can't we be dating? she was playing with my hair, as well as one of her close friends like idk why, it was so weird but I didn't focus on that girl, then we switch scenarios and we're eating, doing stuff together, and the other specific scene I remember was X and I laying in a bed, she was trying to kiss me but I just couldn't because I knew it wasn't right, I have a girlfriend. Out of all the dreams that I've had of her this was the most real one, I woke up scared as hell and didn't know what to feel, couldn't even talk about it with my friends, family or girlfriend for obvious reason, but it was a shitty day and I just feel bad right now, I'm feeling awkward around my girlfriend or being kinda dry with her but those are not my intentions, I don't wanna hurt her and I love her.
She's gonna leave the country next year and because of this pandemic and the face-to-face school year being cancelled, I'm probably never seeing X girl again and I know that's probably gonna hurt me but I just wanna get over it, I don't want those dreams and feelings to haunt me for the rest of this current relationship, and possibly on my next ones. What do you think I should do? Honestly I was thinking about asking X if she ever felt something for me and just kill those rumours of her liking me, but idk if that's a dumb idea.
But yeah, if you made it here and are willing to give me tips or just tell me what's going on with me based on your experience I would be grateful because I feel so lost right now and this whole thing took me 2 hours to type I really don't wanna get left on seen lmao.
This is my 6-year-long love problem and I'm grateful that you took the time to read it, every time I felt this way I thought about typing it all and never did, but I'm tired of it and my dream was powerful enough to make me do it so, here it is.
TL;DR: I think I've been in love with / haven't gotten over the same girl for 6 years, even after being in two relationships (still in the second one).
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